Author: Crash

Email: the.yllek@gmail.com

Status: Complete

Category: H/C, Angst Drama

Pairings: Sam and Jack

Spoilers: none that I know of

Season: Sam is a Major

Sequel/Series Info: none

Rating: PG

Content Warnings: Ferretti takes after Jack. Swear words in other languages

File Size (kb): 60

Archive: Jackfic, Incoming Wormhole, Heliopolis

Summary: Jack has a flash back while on an off world mission

Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

Author's Note: Thank you to Tadooh for helping me out. Tara for giving the muses that final kick. Karen (Kazza). Compared to the other fic in the works this is a short list of people. And Happy sorta late Birthday to Arnise a.k.a. Mum. And to Seether for their wonderful song entitled "Fine Again" which I have listened to I've lost track how many times now while writing this fic. Some of the lyrics are used at the end. More about Seether at http://seether.com

Fine Again

by crash

"How is he Janet?" Sam asked her best friend, Janet Fraiser, as she entered the infirmary.

"He's okay. Nice, clean break on his arm. He's gonna be sore for a while but the Colonel will be just fine," Janet explained, making the final notations on the chart belonging to the person in question.

Sam leaned against the counter of the nurses station observing her CO. He sat on the edge of the gurney head hanging, shoulders drooping, sock covered feet swinging slightly back and forth. The tattered remains of his jacket sat next to him. With the exception of a small area around each eye, his face and neck were still coated in green and black face paint. It made him look haunted, a shadow of the man and officer she knew.

"What happened out there, Sam?" Janet asked, mirroring Sam's stance and leaning her elbows on the countertop.

"I'm not sure, Janet. Everything was going to plan."

*** Flashback ***

Colonel O'Neill and Majors Carter and Ferretti slowly made their way down the darkened corridor. They were in the holding cell area of the palace. The leaders of P9J-4T6 were holding SG-5 and were refusing to let them go.

The sound of footsteps echoed- coming from down the corridor where SG-5 was being held. O'Neill signaled for the rescue team to stop and they pressed themselves up against the cool stone walls. They waited patiently until the sounds abated. When silence returned, Jack peeked around the corner. He stepped forward, signaling for the others to follow.

"Archibald!" Jack hissed when they reached the correct cell.

"Colonel O'Neill, we're all in here," was the whispered reply.

*** End Flashback***

"It was bad. I saw stuff that I wish I'd never seen, Janet." Sam closed her eyes tightly trying to dispel the images in her mind.

"It's okay Sam. What happened next?" Janet asked.

"We had just gotten Archibald and the rest of SG-5 out of the cell and were on our way out when we ran in to a squad of guards." Sam paused, looking at her commander once again.

"We had to fight our way out. Hand to hand, and they just kept coming Janet. You'd dispatch one and another one would be there."

*** Flashback***

With one final blow, Sam's last adversary fell to the floor- unmoving. Sam made a visual sweep of the area, taking roll. Ferretti, Archibald, Jameson, Zwicky, and Brighten were all okay.

"Carter, you seen Jack?" Ferretti asked as he looked around the area.

"No, last I saw the Colonel he was over there." Sam gestured in the direction from which the guards had come.

Ferretti and Carter head towards the doorway where the Colonel had last been seen. As they got closer, they could here the sounds of grunting and swearing in the natives' language that was just about the same as Arabic on Earth.

*** End Flashback***

"And what did you see?" Janet prompted, after Sam stopped talking.

"Not here, your office first," Sam said, leading the way to Janet's office.

Once they were both inside, Sam shut the door and began again as she paced the room.

"I've never seen him like that, Janet. He was scared. He was pleading."

***Flashback***

Two of the guards were beating someone who was begging them to stop. Three other bodies were lying in a heap on the stone floor, either dead or unconscious.

"Laa ma audich! Laa ma audich!"

"Oh shit," Ferretti cursed as he turned the corner. He recognized the figure on the floor and the words that were tumbling out of his mouth.

One of the two guards bent down yanking the Colonel up. A soft snapping sound was followed by a yelp of pain as Jack's arm was broken. The guards gave a howlish laugh.

"SHARMUTE!" Ferretti yelled as he zatted one of the two guards. The remaining guard let go of Jack who scrambled into the corner as soon as he was free.

"Min Fadilak," the second guard repeated over and over, not wanting to suffer the same fate as his companion.

Ferretti's eyes narrowed as he leveled the zat at the second guard. Without blinking he fired.

Twice.

***End Flashback ***

"Ferretti shot them each a third time. I went over to the Colonel but he took a swipe at me with his knife."

"I'm surprised Ferretti didn't try to take them out with his bare hands," Janet said softly. She wasn't shocked in the least bit by Ferretti's actions.

"Ferretti sent me ahead with SG-5. He told me that he would get the Colonel and catch up with us."

***Flashback***

"We're not leaving without them!" Carter said firmly.

"Never said we should, Major," replied Ferretti's second-in-command. They'd met up with the remaining members of SG-2 without any further complications. But there was still no sign of Major Ferretti and Colonel O'Neill. All three teams knew they weren't going anywhere until the two men had joined them.

"Major," Zwicky said softly. "Here they come."

"Come on, let's go!" Ferretti hollered as he met up with the others. Ferretti had a hand full of Jack's collar held tight in fist. He was hauling Jack along by sheer force.

Jack was stumbling along beside Ferretti. Every time he tried to stop Ferretti jerked him forward. He cradled his right arm protectively against his chest, simultaneously supporting his ribs.

His eyes were vacant - unfocused. Sam could only think of the old cliche' that said the lights are on but nobody's home. The irony of that thought being about the Colonel didn't escape her.

"Sir, are you okay?" Sam asked reaching out to touch him only for Jack to practically jump behind Ferretti.

"Jesus, Sam, don't do that," Ferretti groused, yanking Jack back around in front of him and proceeding toward the gate

*** End Flashback***

"He's still jumpy. Aside from me, Sydnea and Rachel are the only other two he's let come near him," Janet commented, keeping an eye on Jack through the picture window of her office.

"Has he said anything yet?" Sam asked, pausing at the window.

"No. I've never seen Colonel Jack O'Neill *that* quiet. He just sat there and let us work with him. He only moved when I told him. Not so much as a quip when I drew blood for the labs."

"What about Ferretti? Did he mention anything?" Sam questioned, still watching her CO as Sydnea walked over and gave the Colonel a cup of what was presumably water.

"No, he didn't say a thing. He got the Colonel to let us check him out though. Ferretti had some cuts on his arm and somehow managed to bite through his bottom lip. Dr. Laden is stitching him up."

"You going to keep him here over night?" Sam asked, plopping down in one of the overstuffed chairs in front of Janet's desk.

"I wasn't going to. But, Daniel is off with SG-4 who just received an extension and Teal'c is still on Chulak. I don't want him at home by himself." Janet's face wore a worried expression.

"I'll do it," Sam volunteered looking up to meet Janet's eyes

"Sam, I know you want to help but do you think that's wise?" Janet leaned forward looking her friend right in the eyes. "In this state of mind, who knows what he's capable of doing?"

"Janet, the Colonel wouldn't knowingly hurt me," Sam protested

"That's the point Sam! He wouldn't know it was you!" Janet ground out, trying to keep from shouting. She knew from personal experience what could happen.

"What do you want me to do? Take a trank gun with me? Or better yet a zat!" Sam retorted, sarcasm dripping.

"Look, I'm sorry, Janet. I just want to help," Sam said apologetically.

Thirty minutes later with the Colonel's truck keys in hand; Carter led the way to the surface. He was still dressed in the same clothes that he had come back in, face still covered with paint. Sydnea and Rachel had tried to wash it off in the infirmary but Jack had been too agitated.

Sam signed both of them out at the front desk, giving the guards menacing looks- daring them to say anything. Reaching the Colonel's truck, Sam unlocked the passenger's side first, waiting for the Colonel to get in before walking around to the driver's side.

Thankfully the ride to the Colonel's house was uneventful. Jack had dozed off, leaning against the door. The truck bounced when it hit the inevitable pothole making Jack jerk awake, leaving a smudge of paint on the window.

Coming to a stop at the end of the gravel driveway, Sam switched the ignition off and undid her seatbelt. She didn't have to say anything as the Colonel undid his seatbelt and dropped out of the truck.

On autopilot he walked down the walk and up the front porch steps, checking the mail before looking for his non-existent house keys. Turning around he looked helplessly at Sam, who was following in his wake.

"Don't worry, sir. I have keys," Sam said stepping forward, keys in hand. She unlocked the door.

Walking inside first, Jack dropped the mail on the hall table and kicked off the slip-on shoes that Janet had given him upon their departure from the infirmary. Without so much as a peep, Jack ascended the stairs and promptly collapsed on his bed mindless of his clothes and paint covered face.

Sam entered after Jack watching him until he went upstairs. She made a sweep of the downstairs, checking to make sure nothing was amiss and listening to the sounds as the Colonel moved around upstairs.

Sam had finished tossing the rotten food out of the fridge when she realized that she hadn't heard the Colonel move around for quite sometime. Gathering the bag that Janet sent home, she headed up stairs.

Sam was greeted by silence when she reached the top of the stairs. She called his name but he didn't answer. Sam noticed the door to the master bedroom was ajar.

"Colonel? Sir?" She called cautiously, peeking around the doorframe. It took all of her will power not to laugh at the scene in front of her.

The Colonel was sprawled; face down, in the middle of the bed. Still fully clothed, trousers still bloused where his boots would have stopped. His casted right arm was off to his side his left tucked underneath him. It was a good thing that the sheets were dark green- any face paint that didn't come out would blend right in.

Pressing a hand to her mouth Sam walked over to the side of the bed. She really didn't want to wake him. He looked so peaceful sprawled out as he was.

"Sir, come on. You need to get cleaned up," Sam called softly, kneeling on the floor beside the bed. When he didn't answer she reached over and tapped his shoulder.

"Wow!" She jumped back as Jack took a swing in her direction with his casted right arm. Very briefly Sam recalled what Janet had said back in her office.

Not deterred by her near decapitation Sam inched toward her CO. Jack had moved so that he was crouched down on the opposite side of the bed. Sam edged cautiously around the foot of the bed to the other side.

"Hey, Colonel. It's just me Carter," she said soothingly, taking a step closer. Sam was prepared this time when Jack took a swing at her.

Sighing, Sam sat down on the soft carpet at the foot of the bed. Jack stayed in his crouched position near the head of the bed. Occasionally, he would glance quickly in her direction.

They stayed like that for nearly an hour before Jack started to drift off to sleep again, falling against the side of the bed.

"Colonel," Sam called a little more forcefully, hoping to get him to snap out of it.

Jack jerked his head up, staring at her blankly for a few minutes.

"CaŠCarŠCarter?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes, sir. You okay now?" Sam asked, a soft smile gracing her face.

Jack just nodded moving to sit in a more comfortable position.

"Come on; let's get that paint off your face."

Sam stood and walked over to Jack. Leaning over she took a hold of his left arm pulling him up. Unresistingly, Jack let Sam led him to the connecting bathroom. Closing the lid on the toilet, Sam guided Jack to sit down.

"I'll be right back," Sam told him before jetting down stairs and grabbing her bag that she had brought.

"I know this stuff smells but it's easier," she explained, smearing old-fashioned cold cream on his face.

"Okay, Sir. Let's let that cold cream sit a minute, alright?" Sam said, screwing the lid back on the jar and rinsing her hands off in the sink. Jack hadn't said a word the entire time.

Leaving the water running in the sink, Sam pulled back the shower curtain and turned the hot water tap on and let it run. Once it began running hot, she adjusted it by adding cold water until she was satisfied with the result. Grabbing a terry washcloth off the nearby shelf Sam kneeled down in front of Jack and began wiping the cold cream off his face.

Rinsing the wash cloth out for the final time, Sam turned the faucet off and placed the washcloth on the rack. She pulled her bag over and took out the plastic bags and tape Janet had given her to give to Jack.

Mindful of the cast on his arm, Sam helped Jack out of his shirt. Snatching one of the plastic bags, she put it on over the cast on Jack's right arm- securing it with tape to keep the water out. Luckily the cast didn't go all the way up his arm, ending just above the elbow.

Next Sam picked up his left leg placing it on her thigh. She undid the blousing band that Jack still used rather then the cinch strings in the cuffs of his trouser. Pulling his sock off, Sam placed his foot back on the floor and repeated the same procedure with the other leg.

"Alright, Sir. You're on your own from here," Sam said pulling him to his feet undoing his belt. "Twenty minutes then I'm coming back in."

"Okay?" Sam asked when he didn't react.

Receiving a nod, Sam left the bathroom, leaving the door open slightly so she could hear if anything happened. Sam gathered a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt setting them on the arm of the chair that was next to the bathroom.

Sam was downstairs when she heard the shower shut off. She had been working on her mission report while waiting for the Colonel to get through the shower. Taking her time, she collected the pills that Janet had sent and filled a glass with water.

Jack was asleep on his bed again when Carter reached his room.

"Sir," Sam said, setting the pills and glass on the nightstand. Keeping in mind what happened earlier when she tried to wake him, she called his name again placing a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes slowly staring uncomprehendingly at Carter.

"Come on, sit up, sir. I promise this is the last time then you can go back to sleep." Sam helped him sit up before pressing the two pills into his hand. Jack popped the pills and put his hand out for the glass of water that was on the nightstand.

"Good night, Colonel" Sam said, helping him lay back down before placing the glass back on the nightstand.

Sam jerked awake suddenly, the folders in her lap cascading to the floor in disarray. She had brought her work upstairs with her, taking up residence in the overstuffed chair. Looking around she tried to find what had woken her up. It wasn't the Colonel. He was still asleep- right arm propped up on some pillows, blankets pulled up around his shoulders. A fork of lighting streaked through the sky lighting the entire room followed by a clap of thunder that rattled the windows.

Jack shot straight up jolted out of his sleep by the thunderclap and immediately began fighting with the sheets that entangled his legs.

"Wow! Hey, hey, Colonel." Sam hurriedly got to her feet crossing the short distance to his bed. She grabbed his arms gently holding them in his lap. His breaths were coming in short gasps and sweat was starting to bead on his forehead.

Jack's breathing began to even out and his muscles relaxed. Releasing his hands, Sam slowly untangled the blankets from around his legs, pulling them to the end of the bed. Leaving him as he was, she picked up the glass on the nightstand and refilled it in the bathroom.

Jack accepted the glass from her, draining half of it before handing it back to her. He looked around his room confused trying to piece together what had happened. He didn't remember coming home. The last clear memory he had was standing in the corridor on P9J-4T6, fighting with one of the guards of the palace. After that things were a bit hazy.

"You okay?" Sam asked softly, laying a hand on his shoulder.

Jack nodded in response, still trying to wrap his head around the day's events. Little snips would float by but slipped out of his grasp. Noticing for the first time the heavy weight on his right arm, he looked down. 'A cast?' He was too tired to try and piece it together at the moment.

Totally ignoring Sam, he swung his feet up on his bed. Jack grabbed the sheet pulling it over him leaving the remaining blankets at the foot of the bed. Shifting around until he found a comfortable position, Jack closed his eyes and let the sound of the falling rain lull him back to sleep.

Jack woke hours later. The sun was coming in through the open windows and the breeze smelled of fresh rain. He lay there unmoving, watching the person who was curled up in a quilt and sleeping in the chair. Everything was slowly falling back into place.

He remembered what happened in the palace. One of the guards had shown up as Jack had neutralized his last opponent. He couldn't remember the words but something that the guard said had sent him spiraling backwards. He had no longer been on P9J-4T6 but back in his cell in Iraq.

'So that's where the cast came from,' Jack thought to himself as more memories popped into place. He had vague recollections of Ferretti hauling his butt back to the gate. He remembered the sounds of the infirmary and Janet's soothing voice as she set his arm.

Carter groaned softly, interrupting Jack's musings. She opened her eyes blinking against the sunlight that spilled through the open window. He vaguely remembered waking up during a thunderstorm last night. 'She must have opened the window after the storm,' he thought.

Slowly, she began to unfold herself. Twisting her neck, rolling her shoulders- working out the stiffness she must be feeling after a night in his chair. The quilt slipped free and fell in a puddle on the floor. Standing up, she stretched her arms above her head. A soft sigh escaped her lips. Finally, she glanced in his direction and froze. Her eyes widened as she realized he'd been watching her.

"Good morning, sir." Sam greeted him with a smile as she started to fold up the quilt. Jack shut his eyes as he ran his hand over his face. 'Maybe I'm imagining her. She's not really here.' His hand left his face and his eyes reopened. She was still there.

"You stayed here all night?" Jack asked his voice gravelly quiet. He was having a difficult time remembering much of anything after he got home the night before.

She nodded. "You were pretty out of it. Janet didn't want you left on your own"

"I didn't uhŠuhŠI didn't do anything did I?" He asked, his eyes looking everywhere but at her.

"No," Sam answered quickly. "You didn't do anything, sir."

"Ah, good." Jack scrubbed his left hand over his face and through his hair again. Carter's gaze was everywhere in the room, except on him. 'I did nothing?' He wondered.

"Carter," he called.

"Colonel?" Her head snapped in his direction, finally looking at him

"Thanks," Jack said, wanting to say more but unable too.

"I'll uh... go make some coffee," she said hesitantly.

'Was she blushing?' Jack wondered watching as she made a hasty retreat from his bedroom.

Jack joined Sam in his kitchen. He had spent the last twenty minutes thinking and sorting through the mangled mess of memories the last day or so had left him. He felt that he owed it to her in the very least, to tell her why he had jeopardized the team and the mission.

Jack's nose picked up the scent of butter and maple syrup. Sam was sitting in on a stool in front of the center island, eating a waffle. The toaster oven door was still open and another frozen waffle sat on a plate on the counter. 'He had frozen waffles and syrup?' Carter watched him warily as he entered, a look of uncertainty crossing her face.

Meandering over to the counter he picked up a mug and inspected the inside. Frowning, Jack quickly grabbed a towel and wiped it out. Putting the towel back on the counter, he poured the freshly brewed coffee into his mug.

"Look, Carter, I owe you an explanation. I know Ferretti told you something. But you need to hear this from me." Jack inhaled deeply easing himself down on a stool on the opposite side of the counter.

"I know that I haven't told you or anyone else much about my past. It's not something I like to dwell on, if you know what I mean. And most of it's classified as well." Jack allowed a small smirk to cross his face before continuing. "And technically I shouldn't even be telling you this but you need to know."

Jack stopped talking and set his mug of coffee down on the hard wood table with a small thump. He knew with out looking that his hands were shaking. He could feel the minute tremors as they traveled down his arm. He started turning the mug around in his hands.

"I was held by the Iraqi's for four months during our operations there. Some of the worse things in the world happened within those months. Yesterday, the guard said something. I can't even remember what now but it was just the way he said it. I couldn't stopŠ." Jack left the sentence hanging unfinished and opened his eyes, dropping his head to look at the table, fighting for control.

"It's all right, sir," Sam said truthfully, trying to catch his gaze as it frantically traveled around the room. She reached across the counter and tightly grasped his now shaking hands. "It's okay. Whatever happened yesterday- everything worked out in the end."

Jack looked up his eyes locking on hers for a brief second. He saw understanding and forgiveness in her blue eyes. It confused and puzzled him.

'How can she forgive me? I don't deserve it. Not after that. Not after almost costing them their lives.' Jack's loss of control terrified him to no end. It had never happened before. He had never had a flashback on a mission. He'd thought that he had it all under control. 'If it happened once it can happened again.'

"I can't promise you that what happened yesterday will never happen again. It's..."Jack started to get up again pulling his hand away. Sam held it fast jerking his hand to get him to look at her again.

"Stop worrying about it, okay? It was out of your control. You hear me?" Sam stared him right in the eye until Jack eventually nodded.

"Good!" Sam declared, releasing his hand and getting up. "Now go get dressed. Breakfast my treat."

Jack watched his 2IC snatch her sports bag up and walk towards the downstairs bathroom. The corners of his mouth tugged up in a small grin. He felt better. It was suddenly easy to close the lid on the dark memories that had managed to break out.

'And I'm not scared nowŠEverything's fine again.'