Author: Debi C

Feedback: dcole6@satx.rr.com

Rating: G

Pairing: None

Category: Alpha Gate FNF#11 Challenge: Look, but donŒt Touch.

Date: August 26, 2002

Status: Finished

Series: None

Season/Spoilers: Every episode ever made Season 1-5!

Archive: Alpha Gate. Heliopolis. Incoming Wormhole. Anyone else please ask.

Synopsis: Why Jack is the way he is.

Notes: Just a short thing, not betad, all mistakes are my own.

Warnings:
A
R
N
I
N
G
S
P
A
C
E: Bad language by usual person. Be careful check for critters when you turn over a rock. There might be something under there that bites.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Showtime/ Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions do. I seem to take better care of them. This is the way they should be. Don't sue me. I'm poor. No copyright infringement whatsoever is intended. The story is for entertainment purposes only. At least I hope it's entertaining. The original characters, situations and story are mine. Please check with me first if you want to archive or link to this story.

The Colonel's Complaint (or The Unspoken Promise)
By Debi C

Well, here we are again. On planet P24567... hike! We've come here to play with the rocks and to look for the alien tinker toys that might have been left behind accidentally or for some nefarious purpose. The two mad scientists are doing their Mister Wizard thing and that leaves Teal'c and I to mind the store, watch their backs and cover their sixes. Oh, and those extra gray hairs you see appearing even as I speak? Well, just pay them no attention. Honestly? You would think that I would learn, wouldn't you? But no. No such luck. Now, I know I have a reputation as being a hard ass, difficult to work for, impossible to deal with, a royal pain in the ass and egocentric as hell...but you have to admit...I have two damned good reasons. Two very good damned reasons.

"Careful kids." I swear! I didn't use those lines as often on my own child as I do on these two bonafied geniuses, or is that geniusi?

Now look! There goes Genius number one. You would think that a young woman who was raised by an Air Force Career Officer, attended the Air Force Academy, served in combat, not to mention has worked for me for the past coupla years would learn to listen to my explicit instructions. Major, don't touch anything! Carter, don't turn it on. Please, don't do anything but look at it. Leave it alone. What did I say? No! Stop! Don't! Nah-huh-huh! Shit! Too late, there she goes again. Jesus H Kee-rist!

Now, from the immoveable object, here comes the unstoppable force. And there, there he goes again for crying out loud! I swear I need the patience of Job for this job. At least he has an excuse, well sorta anyway, my wild child incarnate. He's been on his own more or less since he was eight. Smarter than any adult who ever tried to restrain that enormous intellect. He just gives you the blue eyes and the pouty lips and he's off again...able to leap tall buildings with a single bound and piss off goulds without breaking a sweat.

Daniel, come back here! Stop it! No, don't do that...god damn it. Please! Who the hell am I talking to, anyway! Get your ass away from that....Shit!

*******

Holy Hanna! Colonel, give it a rest and LET ME DO MY JOB! It is my job. This is, after all, why I'm assigned to SG1, Sir. Yes, Sir, I am a scientist. I'm paid to create, invent, investigate, and backwards engineer. I know what I'm doing and how to do it! I am the one with the PhDs and the years of experience in doing this. Yes, sir. I know that and I appreciate your concern, however, if I don't thoroughly examine the device we will never know what it does. He gets so irritating when he's like this. I'd think it was because Im a woman, except he's as bad with Daniel as he is with me. Colonel, please, just leave me alone to do my job!

*******

Give it a rest Jack! This is why I'm here, for crying out...oh, never mind. This...this is my job, my passion, and my lifes work. I was born on a dig and this, this runs through my veins and is bred into my bones. You cannot bring me here to this place of untold knowledge and wisdom then tell me to videotape it! C'mon, Jack, I'm an Archaeologist, not a photojournalist! These rocks, as you so callously call them, cry out to me to be touched, experienced and venerated. Please let me do what the US government pays me too much money to do. I know what to do and how to do it and I did it long before Catherine brought me into the Stargate Program and under your protection. Leave me alone! Just leave me alone for Pete's sake! Then we can go home.

*******

O'Neill. You must desist in this unworthiness. You must allow our younger associates the latitude to accomplish their necessary tasks. Though I understand and admire your natural worry and your professional concern, it does no good to complain so. They are only performing their assigned functions and though your protectiveness is valued while it remains in bounds, to allow it free rein is similar to trying to train a singing swine; being both unproductive and annoying to both yourself and the swine. They are only trying to accomplish their necessary goals. I have long been aware of your need to protect our teammates, but you will not succeed in this manner. In fact, you will only agitate the situation.

*******

Okay! We're done here, thank goodness and little green apples. No crisis, no emergencies, no catastrophes. I'm happy, the troops are satisfied and all's right with my world. Once again I've proven to them that I'm a worrywart and not just a little paranoid. But, as we all know, just because you are paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you! I just realize that this little group is made up of the live models for Snaketown's four most wanted posters.

That makes me a bit...concerned when we go off to a new scientific or historical playground. I, and well, Teal'c too, understand more than I want to about the big ugly things that live under the bed and hide in the closet. I've met them and they are the roots of my worst nightmares. And if it takes me being the bad guy, the bully, the spoilsport and the pain in the ass once in a while to keep my team, my family, safe and out of harm's way then I will go on being one. Cause I will continue to say, as often and as LOUDLY as necessary.... you can look, but don't touch!

The end again.