Date: 21st June 2003

Category: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Adventure

Author: Della

Email: blindbadger@blueyonder.co.uk

Rating: 10+ for violence

Pairing: None

Author Website: *sniffle* I do not have the know how.. *sniffle*

Disclaimer: Oh I sooooooo wish they were mine, but sadly they're not... They belong to Gekko, MGM and any others that have a rightful claim to these wonderful Characters and the programme they reside in...

Feedback: "Constructive flames keeps the fire smouldering, but the good stuff gives it life..."

Spoilers: Not sure at the moment, but most definitely "Show & Tell"...

Summary: Jack is missing Charlie and decides to go visit the Tok'ra Homeworld... Maybe not the best decision he's ever made, but at least his heart was in the right place...

Chapter One

Visiting the Tokíra was *not* exactly something he ever thought that he would *willingly* do, but since he now had vacation time and, for some unknown reason, he felt that fishing was *not* going to soothe the soul that was missing someone, he, maybe *against* his better judgement, decided to visit the Tokíra Homeworld. If heíd had a choice, he had to admit that it would have been better if Charlie could have visited *him*, but, and more than likely as far as he was concerned, maybe there was a chance that the little guy had forgotten him.

ëAgh, not a good thought,íí Jack thought as he stepped down the stone paved steps that appeared requisite for every Stargate. He mentally shook himself, bolstered his courage, before he could seriously talk himself out of this visit, then looked up and smiled in greeting for the only elder Tokíra that he had any amount of respect for. "Hey there, Jacob," he muttered, holding out a hand for the shaking.

"Jack," Jacob replied, shaking the proffered hand and returning the smile. "So, what brings you to our little corner of this galaxy then..." he asked, and as he looked around Jack, he added with a frown, "...on your own?"

Jack instinctively turned three-quarters away from Jacob and looked behind him, expecting someone to be there, but not seeing anyone, he pivoted around back to face Jacob and with a shrug of his shoulders he said, "Oh, well, I just thought Iíd see how Charlie was doing. You know, ëlong time, no see,í that type of thing."

"Ah, okay," Jacob nodded, but frowned.

"Is there a, uh, a problem with that?" Jack muttered, feeling his stomach clench with concern. ëMaybe I was right after all?í he thought.

"Not as you would think," Jacob carefully replied.

"Not as *I* would think?" Jack muttered with his eyebrows raised. Then, with a sigh he sarcastically added, "Just like a Tokíra, always so *very* clear with the details."

Jacob raised an eyebrow at him, however, on the shrug of Jackís shoulders and a mouthed ësorryí from him, he relented, sighed and then said, "What I mean, Jack, is although Charlieís symbiote repaired the damage to his vital organs, that heís healthy... well..."

"Well?"

"Well, heís still experiencing some headaches."

Jack frowned as he processed the information, then he shook his head, unable to comprehend the seriousness that was apparent in Jacobís voice and manner. "So," he eventually replied, "you thought to give him some aspirin?"

"Jack," Jacob warned, "this is no laughing matter. Weíre concerned. Weíve talked to Prantek, the symbiote, and he assures us that he doesnít feel any rejection from Charlie and weíve spoken to Charlie to see how heís responding to Prantek. Both assure us that they are absolutely fine with this, but there are still the headaches."

"And this is serious, because?" On Jacobís sigh, Jack protested, "Look, Jacob, you might think this is serious, but, well, like I said, have you given his some aspirin?" And on the Tokíraís raised eyebrow that clearly and indignantly said, ëWhat the hell do *you* think, Jack?í Jack added, with his hands raised in supplication, "Okay, Jacob, will you stop with the evil eye, I only asked."

Again Jacob sighed, the most he had done in months and months and knew he would be the moment heíd seen Jack at the Stargate. Somehow Jacob knew that his patience would be tested by the Colonel and, despite the effort it took to convince himself that maybe, just maybe, this time would be different, Jack had shot down his optimism in the first seconds of greeting him. "Weíve run X-rayís," he began in explanation, "thinking that maybe Prantek had missed something, and confirming that the blending had not been successful, but they came back clear. We gave him the *aspirin*, but nothing weíve done has stopped them."

"You think theyíre life-threatening?" Jack hesitantly asked, biting his lip with what *might* be the answer.

Jacob shrugged his shoulders, "Who knows," he simply replied but could have bitten his tongue off when he noticed that Jack had gone silent, and despite the effort it was taking the Colonel not to show his concern, Jacob could still feel it. "Look, Jack," he said, attempting re-assurance, "maybe your visit *has* come at the right time. Maybe he might open up to you and *tell* you whatís wrong."

Though the information of Charlieís illness had him concerned, there was no way Jack was going to admit as much to Jacob, so with an almost non-committal shrug of his shoulders he said, "One can but try."

However, unbeknownst to Jack, whom Jacob believed he could read like a book that did not have the hard backed cover to obscure what was within, he saw the look of concern flitter across his daughterís friendís face, moments before it was swiftly replaced beneath a faÁade of bravado. He had to admit that it was refreshing to see.

When heíd first met the Colonel, his Daughterís Commanding Officer, heíd not been impressed at all, but he had quickly learnt that despite the annoying quips that appeared never-ending to him, and also to Selmak, there, just below the surface was a sensitive, thoughtful man whom cared deeply for those he would call ëfriendí; someone who feared for their safety far more than he should do.

Military had taught Jacob and he was sure Jack OíNeill had learnt it too, that friendships were a no-no; deemed inappropriate when they could undermine a command decision, and Jacob, though he would never *ever* admit this to Jack, respected and admired him for being able to *make* that command decision; despite what it could cost him in the long run.

He moved forward, took a hold of Jackís shoulder, gave it a quick squeeze of re-assurance, then as he led him away from the Stargate he said, "Letís at least go find him and then Iíll take you to where youíll sleep... if..." he quickly added, a little unsure, "youíre planning on staying a while that is?"

"Yeah," Jack shrugged, then proudly announced, "The Generalís given me two weeks off for good behaviour."

"Thatíll be the day... The good behaviour, Jack, *not* the two weeks," Jacob muttered with a hint of seriousness, but soon broke out in laughter, which was quickly joined by Jackís.

# #

"Hi there, Charlie," his friend Maleanesh greeted, then added with a frown, "Are you okay?"

"Iíve got a headache again," Charlie whined, rubbing at his temples. He briefly glanced at his stout friend and tried to smile up at him when a look of concern was returned to him, but the pain of his headache caused him to wince instead.

"You want me to get you something?"

Charlie shook his head, which he immediately knew that he shouldnít have and gasped, "No thanks, itíll go in a minute. They always do."

When he received a squeeze on his shoulder, he thought of Jack. Thought about the last time his hand had been on his shoulder, just before heíd been forced to take Jacobís hand and leave Jack behind at SGC. How heíd wanted to look back but didnít because he was afraid that heíd have run straight back into Jackís arms and with a vow that heíd never leave, even if it had meant his death. But he hadnít.

He hadnít because he could see, as Jack could have seen in his own eyes, unshed tears that had begged to be expressed. It had broken his heart. He had just lost his Mother and not long after heíd also lost someone whom could have taken her place. Not the same, because Jack still lived, but he hadnít seen him for months now and it looked like he never would again.

He missed him, more than he guessed he should, more than apparently Jack missed *him* and that too broke his heart. It *had* been months now since heíd walked up the ramp in the Gate Room; months since heíd consoled himself that it would only be a *little* while before he would get a visit from Jack... Months...

He brushed away a tear that Jack had told him was okay to shed and then rubbed at his temples again. Sure enough he could feel the headache receding, so he took a deep breath in, let it out with a sigh and looked up.

He blinked not believing what he was seeing; convinced that maybe his months of wishing was actually making him see things now; but when he rubbed at his eyes and looked again, there, by the door was Jacob, standing next to a kneeling Jack whom had his arms out and had a huge grin on his face.

"Jack?" he eventually whispered.

"Hey there, Charlie, you gonna come make these arms feel welcome or you gonna stay there all day?" Jack called.

Despite what he might have been feeling only a few moments before, Jack was here now and he wanted to hug him and it really looked as though he wanted to hug him as much as he wanted to hug Jack. He sniffled, got to his feet and ran to him with a squeal of pleasure, "Jack!"

# #

Yep, Jacob had frightened him, right to the soles of his boots. Not good. ëWas he gonna lose another Charlie? Heíd lost his son, heíd lost Kowalski, whom his son had been named after, was he about to lose another?í These morose thoughts occupied his mind until Jacob stopped at a doorway and indicated the farthest wall of the room.

He looked to where he was pointing and felt his heart skip a beat. Hunched over, wiping a tear from his face and rubbing at his temples was Charlie. ëAnother headache,í he thought and looked to Jacob for silent confirmation. It was given with a slight dip of his head. He tried not to show his concern, he did, but as he looked over at Charlie again, he knew that his eyes showed it, no matter how hard he tried not to let it. ëOkay, Jack,í he told himself, ëplaster that smile on your face. The last thing Charlie needs is for you to look scared. Címon, you can do it.í And he did, just in the nick of time.

The look that Charlie gave him at first was a pained one, then it turned to disbelief and quickly transformed into one of absolute joy. It bolstered his heart and filled it at once. It appeared to him that maybe he hadnít been forgotten and by the squeal heíd just heard maybe this was going to be as good a reunion as he hoped it would be. If he were honest with himself, he thought he hadnít really missed the boy, but seeing him here and now, the pleasure Charlie showed from just seeing him, he knew, without a shadow of a doubt that no matter what, he *had* missed him and this was gonna be one heck of a leave.

With a laughter that could have broken the rafters had there been any, Jack collected Charlie up in his arms and swung him around. He stopped after the second spin and looked into his face. "Hey there, kid," he whispered, "you miss me?"

Charlie nodded and then sniffled. "Yeah," he whispered in reply and then hugged Jack around the neck.

"Yeah, me too..." Jack just as softly whispered and returned the hug. He eventually pulled his head away from Charlie, lifted the boyís head up and looked him in the eye. "So, you gonna show me around this place then?" he asked.

Jacob stepped forward at that point with a *ahem* muttered around a loosely fisted hand at his mouth.

Both Charlie and Jack looked at him with such a look of innocence that, the Tokíra thought, even if they werenít related, then they should have been. He shook his head and sighed again. Jack was good at eliciting such a thing from him. "And how many times do I have to tell you, Charlie," Selmak warned, "that *that* look will never and *has* never worked before?"

Charlie pouted as he thought about it, then, with a glint of amusement in his eyes, he said, "Not sure, but I *guess* I could work on it."

"Thatís my boy," Jack proudly whispered in his ear, which caused him to giggle. Jack then looked at Jacob and on receiving not only a raised eyebrow but also a glare from him, he silently shrugged his shoulders and mouthed, ëWhoops!í

"So, two weeks you say, Jack?" Jacob huffed indignantly. As he received a breathy, ëYeah,í from Jack, he could not help but feel that maybe it was about to be the longest two weeks of his life. It did not help matters when he received a silent confirmation of that thought from Selmak. "Okay, Charlie," he eventually muttered, "you need to get back to your class, and Jack here needs to be shown where heís staying."

Jack put Charlie back on the ground, but kept a hand on the back of his neck as he asked, "So, when does timeout happen around here, then Charlie?"

"Not for another two hours," Selmak replied, "and only if all the work is caught up by then," he added with a raised eyebrow at Charlie.

Charlie looked away, finding his fingers that twisted and turned in his hands, far more interesting that the look that Selmak was giving him. "Iíll catch up," he softly promised and when he looked up again, he said with undisguised hope, "And Jack can stay with me if he wants to."

"Weíll see," Selmak replied and sternly added, "Now back to your lesson and Iíll bring Jack back when youíre finished."

"Okay," Charlie brightly replied, then hugged Jack around the hips before letting go and walking backwards to where his friend Maleanesh was seated; a big grin lighting up his entire face.

Jack found it just as hard to turn away, but eventually he did and started to follow after Jacob. "So, Jacob," he asked, "Where exactly *am* I staying then?"

"With me," he muttered.

Jack stopped walking, "With *you*?" he muttered incredulously.

"Uh-huh," Jacob confirmed, "unless of course youíd prefer somewhere else?"

"Well, uh, why canít I stay with Charlie?"

Feeling Jacobís apprehension, Selmak decided to answer for him, "Because we have integrated him with another family and considering that you are a part-time Father, at the best of times, then we thought it advisable to keep you close, but not as an intrusion in what we have achieved thus far with Charlie."

Oh boy did that sting. ëPart-time Fatherí. They say that truth hurts and this time it did, right to the very core of him. ëPart-time Father.í Hadnít he always been a Part-time Father? He swallowed hard at that, pushed down the angst that always travelled as company to such thoughts and ordered his feet to move; anything than to concentrate on what Selmak had stirred up in him.

Jacob turned and seeing the distress on Jackís face he immediately apologised, "Jack, Iím sorry. Selmak can be a bit... a bit blunt."

"Yeah, well," Jack whispered, "when itís the truth, I guess it always seems that way."

Jacob sighed. The last thing he had intended was to upset Jack, and though it had actually been Selmak that had done so, he still felt partially responsible for such a thing. He internally rebuffed the symbiote and re-iterated why what had been said and *how* it had been said had upset Jack. And he continued to do so, despite the continual interruptions that Selmak tried to make in her defence.

Chapter Two

Jack decided to pace two and fro outside the classroom. He thought to go inside but came to the conclusion that maybe he'd just distract Charlie rather than help him.

He thought on Charlie, the first time he'd seen him in months and smiled. It felt good that he hadn't been forgotten and it also made him feel guilty that he hadn't visited before. Too many missions and too many close shaves that had left him weary to the bone and not much for company. He now wished he'd forced himself to visit, but his mistrust of the Tok'ra and that he was fully aware that that mistrust doubled when he was tired, had stopped him every time. However, the recent mission had gone without a hitch and he felt the best he'd felt in along time. That had been the major incentive to visit and he was glad that he had.

"Jack!"

He turned to find Charlie striding out of the classroom almost beaming as bright as the sun on a particularly sunny day. Jack groaned at his internal musings and just decided to greet the young boy. "Hey there, Charlie, you free to show me around now?"

"Uh-huh," Charlie nodded enthusiastically, "I got caught up all right, so they said that I could go now."

"Exc-ell-ent!" Jack grinned, then placed an arm about Charlie's shoulder and turned from the classroom. "Where to first?" he asked.

"Well, I have to take my homework back home, so I can introduce you to the family that I'm staying with and then, if they let me, I can show you around then."

"Alright," Jack nodded with satisfaction, "sounds good to me."

Charlie giggled with anticipation and took a hold of Jack's hand. It felt good there and he didn't let go until they reached the front open doorway of his home. He glanced up at Jack when the older man appeared to hesitate there. He grinned, despite feeling surprised that he would feel so apprehensive, then grabbed the front of his jacket and hauled him inside.

Jack stumbled a moment as his locked knees suddenly gave way to the pull, but he quickly straightened and walked in. He surreptitiously took Charlie's hand from the front of his Jacket, smiled down at him when he received a fond chuckle from the young boy and then kept a hold of his hand as they moved further into the room.

He was tempted to touch the sides of the room, wondering if he would actually pull away a bloodied hand. The spikes and the crystals that made up the walls of this room had always fascinated him and he often wondered if anyone had died by simply falling against one. However, he decided not to touch and also to ask Jacob if such a thing had ever happened.

"Tialek?" Charlie suddenly called.

Jack felt his hand slip from his own and then watched as went in search of whomever it was he was calling for. He saw a middle-aged woman enter the room, wiping her hands on the front of a pinafore. "Hi," he greeted and smiled at her a little uncertainly, feeling as though he was intruding somehow. That uncertainty did not fade when he received a puzzled frown in answer to his greeting. "Uh, Charlie said that it would be okay," he said in explanation and immediately grimaced as he thought that just about sounded like a school-friend had visited against whatever curfew this woman had imposed on Charlie. He decided to just shrug at her and try the smile again.

Thankfully Charlie returned and immediately hugged the woman with a sigh and an exclamation of, "There you are. I thought you'd left me."

ëAnd that was the crux of it, wasn't it?í Jack thought, thinking it strange that Charlie had not said that he had missed her, but that he thought she had left him. ëHell, why not?í he added to his thoughts. ëHis Mother had left him... Okay *not* her fault and although it had been *Charlie* walking away from *him* to go to the Tok'ra, Jack knew that he'd only done that because he'd said that it was the best thing for *him* and *not* because Charlie had *wanted* to leave.í He sighed. Yeah, now he understood the choice of words Charlie had used and he took the portion of blame that was his to take and embraced it with a thought that maybe he should let Charlie know that he would always be there for him and, if it was in his power, that he would *never* leave.

He watched as Charlie turned the woman to face him and then heard, "Tialek, this is Jack O'Neill, my friend, my... my..."

"In all intents and purposes, Ma'am," Jack interrupted Charlie's indecision, "his Dad. Maybe a very poor substitute for one, but, well, there ya go..." It was good to see Charlie's face light up at what he'd said, but Jack just wished that the same could be said for Tialek. He actually swallowed hard at her look and if looks *could* kill then he was convinced that he would be pushing up daisies right at this moment in time.

Charlie was oblivious to the discomfort that was being felt by the adults in the room and simply bounded to Jack and hugged him around the waist.

Jack smiled awkwardly down at him and then just as awkwardly shrugged his shoulders at Tialek. She continued to scowl, which, as far as Jack was concerned, bode ill well.

Another voice called out, "Tialek?"

Jack turned to face the open doorway and saw a man stride into the room and then stop stock still two steps in.

The man's eyebrows drew together and he practically glared at Jack.

"Brantel," Charlie exclaimed, "this is Jack O'Neill, my... my Dad."

Brantel's frown deepened and then he angrily scowled, "So, *you* are the one that has caused Charlie much distress."

"It, uh, it would appear that way wouldn't it..." Jack replied a little taken aback by the animosity towards him. But then he frowned wondering why they would think he'd caused Charlie some sort of anxiety. He looked down at the young boy, still grasping his waist, and wondered.

The boy in question suddenly stepped away from Jack and said, "He has not!"

Brantel's glare waned as he looked at Charlie and with a sigh, he said, "Perhaps not, Charlie, or perhaps the wrong choice of words."

Jack put his hands in his pocket and watched the banter with interest. He was secretly pleased to hear Charlie come to his defence, but wouldn't he anyway? He looked at Brantel and saw an underlining anger that, he surmised, had nothing to do with Charlie but with him. He took one step forward, placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and said, "Why don't you get changed, Charlie. I think your... your Mom and Dad wanna have a word with me."

Charlie turned to face Jack and whispered, "They're not my Mom and Dad, Jack. I stay with them, that's all."

Jack winced down at him and sent an apology in his look to Tialek and Brantel. Eventually he muttered, "Well, whatever, I think they wanna talk, so..." he said with a gentle shove and a silent indication with his head, "you'd best go get changed."

Charlie nodded and started to walk away towards his room. He then stopped, turned back to face Jack and asked, "You'll still be here though, won't you Jack, when I come back?"

"Wild horses, Charlie... Wild horses," he promised with a smile of assurance.

Charlie nodded, returned the smile and then continued on to his room.

# #

The moment Charlie had disappeared from sight, Jack took a deep breath in and braced himself for some harsh words, if the looks were anything to go by, from Tialek and Brantel. "So," he muttered on the exhalation, "Charlie been behaving himself, then?"

"Charlie is a lovely child," Tialek replied.

ëOh goodí Jack mouthed then frowned with puzzlement, "So?" he asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

"So?" Brantel harshly asked with a frown of puzzlement of his own.

"Well, you, uh, both of you look like you wanna say something to me, so..." Jack muttered once again bracing himself.

Although Tialek opened her mouth to say something, Brantel was the one that actually spoke. He took a step forward and stood in front of Jack as he said, "We give the boy a good home. We show him what it is to love and instil within him that not *everyone* leaves. We, both of us, show him that there are some that can be relied upon and that he should not be afraid to show his feelings or stop himself from feeling them. We too invite him to tell us when he is scared or when something is troubling him."

"That's good," Jack replied.

"What disturbs us," Brantel continued as though he hadn't heard Jack, "is that whenever Charlie *has* come to us with a problem, this problem invariably has had something to do with you."

ëAhí, Jack mouthed and distinctly started to feel uncomfortable.

"Charlie has shed many a tear since he has been with us," Brantel added, "and those tears have been after he has told us of his feelings towards you. How much he has missed you. How much he wanted to stay, but knew that he couldn't. How much he wished that you'd visit."

"Look, I... I can explain," Jack said, but stopped when Brantel held up a hand.

"We understand, O'Neill," Brantel explained, "however the pains of seeing your child in tears and the helplessness you feel knowing that there is nothing you can do to help erase those tears becomes a burden that soon is rather heavy to bear."

Jack winced at him, unable to form a sentence that would explain. He knew how that felt and it had come close on many occasions whether he should have gone on that mission that had separated him from his boy, especially when Charlie had spent their time together crying on his shoulder; missing him already even though he hadn't left.

"And now you are here," Brantel sighed.

"And you wish I hadn't come," Jack stated rather than questioned.

"Yes..."

Jack looked to the floor and scuffed a boot. ëMaybe I shouldn't've,í he silently admitted. The only reason he'd visited in the first place was because he'd missed Charlie. He hadn't thought about what might have happened since he'd left and, despite the harsh looks, which were understandable now, Tialek and Brantel were good parents. He looked up as Brantel started to speak again.

"Our greatest fear is that once you have gone again, will Charlie return to the state he was in when he had first been given to us?"

"Wouldn't do any good to promise to make the visits more regular, huh?" Jack asked.

Brantel shook his head.

"I didn't think so," Jack muttered, then added, "So, what do you think would help Charlie?"

Brantel sighed again. He was beginning to understand this O'Neill. He saw the same look in his face that he himself felt whenever the boy would come to him with a troubled mind. He could see that O'Neill cared for the boy, cared deeply for him, but to his mind it was not enough. He fervently believed that whilst love need never be expressed, the one whom had a problem expressing such a thing had to at least be in some proximity to the one he had difficulty informing. And this O'Neill had not been for many months now. Still it did not make what he was about to say any easier to say.

He took a deep breath in and said, "Perhaps this visit should be the last. If Charlie descends to the state he was in when he first came to us, we at least know that it would be the last time he would do so."

Jack swallowed hard at that. Not see Charlie anymore? He'd just got back to him again. He looked at Tialek and Brantel, Tialek's look of hope bringing a lump to his throat. He swallowed again and despite how he truly felt about never seeing Charlie again, he couldn't bring himself to admit that he didn't care if they were going to be forced to go through that sense helplessness again. He did care and that's what had him silently nodding. "Hey," he roughly whispered with a shrug, "anything for Charlie, huh?"

"I'm sorry, O'Neill," Brantel said with warmth and understanding.

Jack opened his mouth to say something, but his voice had left him, so he shrugged, tilted his head to one side and smiled the best that he could, even though his heart ached with the decision he'd just made.

"Thank you," Tialek whispered and then left the room.

Brantel looked at O'Neill and smiled a smile that hopefully informed him that he understood. "I'll go see where Charlie has got to," he eventually muttered and left Jack standing in the middle of the room alone and deep in thought.

Jack silently nodded and turned to face the open doorway. He was tempted to leave, but his promise to Charlie had him standing there facing his only escape, but without the gumption to move. ëMaybe, just maybe, this wasn't going to be as good a leave as he thought.í