Author: DJ Boyd

E-mail: calmpony@hotmail.com

Status: complete

Sequel: none

Rating: 10

Season: 6

Pairings: None

Category: Challenge/Hurt /Comfort/Team-Jack centric

Spoilers: Mild mention of Solitudes and Bane

Content Warnings: Bodily functions

Summary: An innocent conversation goes all down hill. Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 characters are owned by…well, someone other than me. Thanks to TPTB, for allowing me to play with them. This original story and original characters are the property of the author. 8/01/03

Authors Notes: Some of the members of Jackfic may remember this opening sentence challenge, back in December '02. It became more Jack centric than it was originally planned…but hey, I've come to learn to travel the road the muse decides to take me. One more note, this is my first attempt at 'Jack Whumping'. Let me know if I missed. Big thanks to my betas, Arrietty, Emry, Yllek, Sheri, and Sidney. Oh, and it may be my last 'whumper'…a week after giving Jack severe abdominal pains, I was rushed to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy! Moral of the story…be careful what you wish on others. Enjoy. ;-)

Archive: Jackfic, Incoming Wormhole, Nopeskyfish, & Heliopolis, others please ask. Feedback is appreciated, and in my case has been known to be an effective substitute for prescription strength anti-depressants. (Just ask my family.)

As the Crow Flies by DJ Boyd

Part 1

‘I'm just beginning to learn their customs and now they're springing a bunch of `holidays' on me. Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Christmas?? Wait, did they just mention food?????’ The newest member of SG1, and coincidentally, the newest alien in residence at Stargate Command, found himself listening intently to the conversation being waged between his team leaders, Colonel O’Neill, and Major Carter.

"…like I said Carter…Thanksgiving…hands down." Colonel O’Neill had not missed a step, nor did he slow his pace as he made his way down the steep hillside. Placing each foot with practiced ease, he navigated the rough terrain. The rest of his team was not far behind.

"Sir, with all due respect…how can you possibly choose turkey and stuffing over roast beef and Yorkshire pudding?" Major Samantha Carter was doing her best to keep up with her CO. A challenge, considering the difference in the length of his stride…not to mention the uneven ground they were covering.

Jonas was right on Sam’s heels trying to catch every word. After all, conversations like these were virtual volumes of Earth education. There was no need to strain to hear the colonel’s reply.

"Yorkshire Pudding! You mean that soggy piece of dough swimming in grease and gravy? Gag!" O’Neill looked over his shoulder once in his 2IC’s direction, then returned his attention to the task at hand.

"Hey…don’t mock my family tradition…at least not until you’ve tried it." Sam was slightly offended at the vehemence in the colonel’s voice.

"I HAVE tried it…like I said, Thanksgiving…hands down." A grinning Jack O’Neill continued forging a path through the undergrowth. He always enjoyed these conversations with Carter, especially when he got under her skin. "Anyway who in their right mind has roast beef at Christmas? What ever happened to the Christmas goose?"

Not exactly sure what he meant by that question, Sam settled for: "No comment…sir."

Unable to wait any longer Jonas jumped into the middle of the debate. "Major Carter, are there certain foods for certain holidays? I mean…I’m only just learning about all this…how do I know what to eat, and when?"

Glad for a reprieve from her COs' heckling, Sam slowed her pace slightly so she could safely turn toward Jonas as she answered his question. "Truth be told, Jonas, there are as many different holiday food choices as there are people who celebrate them." As she spoke, her right foot slipped on the decaying leaves that littered the hillside. "Whoa…"

Jonas watched helplessly as the major slid into a version of the splits.

Jack stopped as soon as he heard her begin to slide. "Carter…don’t you dare fall down this hill…I refuse to go tumbling after you." He watched, concerned, yet confident she would find her balance again. "You okay?"

"Yes, sir…ouch, just a minor cramp. I’m fine, sir."

Jonas anchored himself against a fallen log then carefully stretched out a hand for the major to use to pull herself up again.

Once securely on her feet Sam Carter continued with the edifying of SG-1’s newest member. "Thank you, Jonas. As I was saying…"

"Before, you almost went head over six, down the mountain…" Never let it be said Jack O’Neill missed an opportunity to clarify a situation. After all somebody’s gotta do it. He was waiting, thirty feet further down the hill, for the rest of his team to join him.

"Yes, sir…" The thought that lingered in her mind could have been interpreted as insubordination…if she actually voiced it that is. ‘Nope…better save that one.’ Instead, she smiled at her CO and continued her conversation with Jonas. "Some of the holidays are religiously based and due to tradition, or an accompanying ceremony, you may find certain foods are required, or restricted." Having resumed her downward journey, Carter was very aware of each footfall, and the feel of the ground under her boot. Another few strides brought her within a few feet of her CO.

"How’s it going kids? Teal’c? Everything good back there?" O’Neill first spoke to the Jaffa, who had been the caboose master, bringing up the rear, and guarding their backs from possible dangers.

"All is well, O’Neill." Since arriving on this rather mountainous planet, there had been no signs of threat or danger. Teal’c knew his commander was aware of this fact, but also knew how quickly things could change. He was vigilant in his assignment.

"Great, let’s hope it stays that way." Jack shifted his weight slightly, placing his hands casually on the butt of his P90 as it hung from his vest strap. He leveled his gaze at his second-in-command.

Carter waited patiently to be acknowledged. O’Neill continued with his head count, "Enjoying the scenery…Jonas?" He smiled slightly as Carter was about to respond. She took a breath, shook her head, and returned the smile with a glare of her own. 'So that's the mood he’s in.'

"Oh…yes, Colonel, it really is nice here…a lot of trees though…don’t you think?" The Kelowan was surprised by the burst of laughter that came from Major Carter. He looked to find her struggling to maintain a straight face. His own perpetual smile growing wider, Jonas asked: "I’m sorry did I say something funny?"

Carter tried answering, only to succeed in losing control completely. A warning came from below. "Carter…what have I told you about giggling?"

"Sorry, sir."

As the major regained her composure, Teal’c offered an explanation to Jonas’ query. "JonasQuinn, it is usually Colonel O’Neill who complains about the over abundance of trees and other forms of foliage."

"HEY…I do not complain." A look of indignation shot up the mountain.

O’Neill’s denial only fueled Carter’s laughter, to the point of her losing her footing once again. "Oh, yes you do…oooh!" She found herself lurching forward right toward her CO. Jonas’ attempt to grab her by her field pack only gave her a little more momentum.

"For cryin’ out lou…ooff!" Having taken a long step to his left, O’Neill braced himself as best he could, as he took the full force of his second plowing into him. The gravity empowered form of Sam Carter, knocked him off his feet, sending them both tumbling twenty yards down the rough slope before a large, strategically placed tree trunk ended their descent.

Teal’c arrived at their side expecting to find blood and broken bones. What he found instead caused his concerned brows to rocket skyward. O’Neill and Carter were now both engaged in uncontrollable laughter. Faces covered with the rotting forest debris, leaves and twigs caught in their hair, giving them claiming rights to a Nox heritage.

"O’Neill, MajorCarter…are you injured?" Their plummet had not been very far, considering, and fortunately, their pathway was clear of large stones and logs. It was conceivable that they may have escaped injury. The patient warrior waited while they each checked to be certain nothing was broken. Carter was especially grateful to find she had not done any damage to the colonel. It really could have turned out a lot worse.

Wiping his eyes and picking leaves from Carter’s hair, O’Neill looked up at the towering Jaffa. "Well, Teal’c…I don’t know about ‘Jill’ here…but my pride is a bit bruised, not to mention a spot on my six." Jack grasped the hand offered him and pulled himself to his feet. Having caught his breath and controlled his mirth, he began dusting himself off, checking his weapons, and re-securing his field pack.

"Uhh, sir? Could I have a hand please?" Sam was sitting a bit awkwardly, leaning against the tree. At her request, Jack began to applaud loudly. "Very funny, sir…really I could use some help here."

Just as Jack was about to reach over and help her up, Jonas called from further up the slope. "Colonel O’Neill, I found your hat!"

The colonel grinned and began hiking back up toward Jonas. "Be right there, Carter…I lost my hat. Thank you, Jonas. Now kids, here’s a real good reason why you shouldn’t laugh at your CO. Someone could get hurt…and it could even be me." Shaking pine needles out of his hat, and taking time to be certain the brim was just right, Jack looked back down the slope where Sam was being helped to her feet.

"Thank you Teal’c." Carter smiled her gratitude as she grasped the large hand being offered. "A gentleman…and not even an officer…officially that is." She began her own inspection of her gear, making certain nothing had been lost, or broken.

Teal’c bowed and returned the smile. "Are you well, MajorCarter? Your rapid descent appeared…painful."

She took a quick evaluation before answering. Finding herself in one piece, other than a slight headache, and a spot on her left thigh that was sure to be black and blue, she felt fine…considering. "I’m good, Teal’c. Everything seems to be in the right place."

"I have always said that about you, Carter. Yep, everything’s in the right place when it comes to Major Carter. Soil samples go here, Naquadah tracking doohickey goes there…Yep, yep, yep…everything…right place." Jack placed his cap on his head and started adjusting it…"Ouch!" He snatched the favored item from his head, running his hand quickly through his hair. Finding numerous match length twigs, he gave his head another good shake. He then carefully scrutinized the inside of his cap, pulling a few more of the offending bits of ‘forest’ from its depths.

The strangled snicker floated easily on the calm air. Catching the daggers sent her way, Sam sobered quickly. "Sorry sir."

"Yeah, I bet you are." Blast, he could not resist the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth…but a practiced duck of the head…and no one was the wiser. "All right-y then, Teal’c take point, Jonas…’Jill’…after you." O’Neill was hoping Teal’c might make a more formidable barrier should Carter take another swan dive.

As always, Jonas did not hesitate to ask questions when faced with a change in routine. "Major? Why is the colonel calling you 'Jill'?"

To Sam’s surprise, Teal’c’s rich bass voice offered the explanation before she had a chance. "I believe Colonel O’Neill is referring to a child’s poem…

‘Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after.’"
"It’s not a POEM Teal’c. It’s a nursery rhyme." Jack’s voice bellowed from above.

"So, Colonel, you related this experience to the rhyme because we are on a hill…and your name is Jack?" Jonas peeked over his shoulder toward his CO.

"That’s right, Jonas." Jack shook his head slightly, ‘You gotta love the guy.’

Jonas thought for a moment. "But, Major Carter fell first."

A big grin was evident in the colonel’s reply. "That’s right Jonas…she did." ‘Yep, you gotta love the guy.’

"So technically speaking…the rhyme doesn’t apply." Jonas shared a conspiratorial wink with Sam.

"That’s right, Jonas…it doesn’t…does it, sir?" Carter shot a quick grin behind her.

"Hey…boy wonder, ever heard of sarcasm?" Jack O’Neill began to wonder exactly when he had lost control of this conversation. "Eyes front…both of you…before we have a repeat performance. Teal’c? How’s it going…any level ground in sight?" O’Neill’s back was beginning to suffer with the steep grade they were forced to deal with.

"Perhaps another fifty yards…there seems to be a change in the direction of the shadows."

"Well, that’s good news. Carter, tell me again why we are on this little trek, which by the way will be all…uphill…on the way back." Jack’s lower back was really beginning to feel the strain. The thought of climbing back up Mt. Everest here was becoming less and less appealing.

"The data from the UAV suggested a large Naquadah deposit twelve clicks from the gate, sir. Unfortunately, with the way the trees grow on this planet, and with the density, we didn’t realize how mountainous, and steep the landscape was." Sam had been as surprised as the rest of the team, when they realized the terrain they would have to negotiate.

The colonel listened to her then asked: "Any theories as to why the trees all grow the same height? Jealousy? Competitive spirit?"

Sam smiled, "It probably has something to do with the way the trees handle their photosynthesis process. Plants need sunlight in order to grow. If these trees need direct light in order to function, well it makes sense they won’t risk being caught in any shadows."

"So the trees at the top of the hill are short…but down here they are as tall as Redwoods. What a charming little oddity…" Jack took a quick breath as his back muscles pulled spasmodically. "Bottom line…we really don’t know how far this Naquada deposit is …do we?"

Sam could hear the strain in her CO’s voice. She slowed her pace until she was hiking beside him. "Sir? Are you okay?"

Jack didn’t pause, nor did he take his eyes off the ground in front of him. "Yep…just peachy, Carter. Nothing a Jacuzzi and a bed board couldn’t cure. I really wish you could iron out some of these snags in your data recovery. I’m getting too old for this."

"Sorry, sir. It wasn’t intentional." Sam was already feeling a little guilty for not realizing the distance was literally ‘as the crow flies’, or in this case…the UAV. She took her work seriously, so, when there was a problem she took it personally.

"Ah, Carter…I know it wasn’t…I didn’t mean it that way." Beads of sweat were visible on his brow, and he took his first unaided misstep. Carter quickly reached out and caught his jacket sleeve, allowing him to regain his balance.

"Colonel, why don’t we stop for a minute…we could all use a break." Sam was concerned at how pale the colonel had become. "Here, sir, have some water."

"Nope…not yet. Let's find somewhere safer to stop. It’s too steep here." Aware of his second fussing around him, he growled. "Carter quit hovering, I’m fine. Come on…it’s getting dark. I am NOT sleeping in a vertical position if I can at all help it." A welcomed shout came from below. "O’Neill! There is a ledge here…it appears to be sufficient for our needs."

"Yes! See, I told you." Jack sent a smile in Sam’s direction. "Way to go, Teal’c…we’ll be right there."

Carter returned the smile…but as she watched the colonel carefully make his way down to join Teal’c and Jonas, she wondered if he hadn’t done some damage in their earlier fall after all. Her own injury was painful enough to be a constant reminder of how hard they had rolled into that tree.

By the time Carter and O’Neill had joined them, Teal’c and Jonas were pitching the tents that were in their field packs. The ledge was perpendicular to the steep slope the team had traversed for the past few hours. Made from a large flat boulder, buried deep in the mountain’s side. There appeared to be ample room for a safe, and relatively comfortable, base camp. O’Neill was certainly hoping the precious mineral deposits weren’t more than another day's hike away.

"Nice find, Teal’c. Jonas, gather some wood for a fire. Sounds like there may be some water near by, I’ll check it out…"

"Sir, I’ll do that…Teal’c don’t you and the colonel need to go over those mission details you were asking me about?" Sam turned toward the Jaffa and tried to communicate with her eyes the need for him to affirm her statement.

Teal’c hesitated long enough to look at O’Neill. As he had suspected, there was reason Major Carter wished for their leader and friend to remain in camp. "Yes, MajorCarter, thank you for reminding me."

Colonel O’Neill was not impressed by his second's attempt at keeping him in camp ‘so he could rest’. He wasn’t hurting THAT bad. "Negative, campers…Carter, when it comes to ‘details’ you can explain far better than I can. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes…AND I expect turkey and stuffing for dinner." He turned to hike due east, hoping to find a stream or waterfall nearby. "Don’t forget pumpkin pie for dessert!"

"Pumpkin pie? What is pumpkin pie?" Jonas had just returned with a load of kindling. "Is it like apple pie?" He looked expectantly at Major Carter, who unfortunately was still preoccupied with concern over their CO insisting on scouting for water. He turned his attention to Teal’c. "Teal’c?"

Directing his gaze upon Jonas, Teal’c answered. "Yes, JonasQuinn, it is like apple pie…only different."

"Oh." Jonas’ grin wavered slightly as he tried to decide if his friend was being serious, or if he was also merely concerned over the possibility of the colonel being injured. Jonas had noticed the colonel’s discomfort as he had hiked back up to retrieve his hat. He had almost confronted him at the time, but O’Neill sent him a look that clearly said, ‘Drop it.‘

Exactly sixteen minutes from the time he had left camp, Major Carter radioed her CO. "Colonel? Do you read, sir?"

"Yes, every chance I get…my favorites are the Sunday comics. ‘Course Dickens, and O’Henry aren’t bad either." Sam spun around to find O’Neill entering camp from the opposite direction. "What’s up Carter?"

"Sir…you were…overdue…I was just checking to see if you…had found any water, yet." Careful not to seem overly concerned, Sam watched as Jack hobbled into camp and gingerly rested himself on a fallen log. She caught the questioning glance he sent her way.

"Overdue?" Jack shook his head slightly…flipped open the protective Velcro cover on his watch, and made a show of tapping the crystal, shaking his wrist, and holding the timepiece close to his ear. "Ahhh, yep, you’re right…watch must have stopped for thirty seconds."

"I have ninety seconds, sir." Sam quickly responded.

"Oh, well then…surprised you didn’t send Teal’c after me." He paused long enough to raise an eyebrow in Teal’c’s direction. "In answer to your question, Major, I am fine…and yes, I did find water. Actually, we are sitting on it. Well…we are sitting on its point of exit, at any rate. Seems the water has been running underground pretty much the length of this slope. This mammoth rock we are sitting on has a rather forceful waterfall shooting out at its base." Jack smiled, as he stood up to dig into his pants pocket. Having retrieved a sample in a collection tube, he tossed it her way. "Here…quit worrying about me and test this so we can fill our canteens…or not."

"Yes, sir." Sam caught the tube easily, but was not the least bit convinced that the colonel was ‘Okay’. "Sir, you should probably sit down, and have something to eat."

"Nope…I’m going to lie down…and more than likely I will fall asleep. Save me some breakfast." Jack was already shedding layers of clothing, vest, jacket, BDU shirt, and boots. "Jonas, take first watch, then Carter. Teal’c, you’re next. Wake me at 0400…night kids." Without further delay, the colonel crawled into his tent that had been pitched while he was on patrol.

The team looked at each other in amazement and silent concern for their CO. Not only was it rare for him to turn in before everyone else, but he also took his boots off. Something he never did the first night on a new planet.

As Jack lay in his sleeping bag, he tried to pinpoint the ache that had developed in his right side. ‘Couldn’t be appendix’, he thought, ‘had that taken out right before Iraq.’ As he concentrated on the pain, trying to find its origin, he realized it was more than a surface ache. This was deep, and seemed to wrap around to his back…no, it started in his back and worked its way to the right and then around his waist. ‘Crud, Fraiser’s going to have a field day with this. Bruised kidney…bet my last dollar on it.’ "Oi."

"Sam? Is the colonel going to be all right? You both hit that tree pretty hard." Jonas tried to enjoy his MRE meal. Whatever flavor it was, he couldn’t enjoy it…he was concerned about his CO. Especially since the two people who knew him so much better than he did were showing signs of concern as well.

"I think he’s okay, Jonas, just tired."

"What of you, MajorCarter? Were you not injured in your fall?" Teal’c turned a questioning brow in his teammate's direction.

Sam smiled a reassuring smile. "I have a couple of cramps in my thigh, but nothing serious, the colonel took the biggest blow. Come to think of it, he must be black and blue." It didn’t take long for Sam Carter, self-assigned field medic of SG-1, to decide the best course of action was to return to the SGC. Unfortunately, with the density of the forest and the depth of the valleys, night came swiftly. The possibility of retracing their steps home before sunset, was zero. There was nothing to do but settle in for the night and hope the colonel wasn’t bleeding internally.

Teal’c had been studying the profile of his friend. He could see the lines of worry around her eyes and mouth. "MajorCarter, you were telling JonasQuinn of Earth’s holidays, and accompanying traditions. I am certain he would be willing to learn more of these things."

"Oh, absolutely. We had nothing beyond Kelowan Day of Dance at home. Please, tell me more about the different holidays…especially the food." Jonas was genuinely interested in any enlightenment Sam could send his way. He had also seen her concern for the colonel, put two and two together and realized Teal’c was trying to divert her attention.

Sam smiled, "Okay, you two, I get the message. I’ll quit worrying about the colonel, as soon as I’ve checked on him." Grabbing a canteen and her med kit, just in case, she crossed the short distance to the colonel’s tent.

"Sir? I don’t mean to disturb you, but I think I should take a look at you."

"Why, Carter, have you forgotten what I look like already?"

"No, sir…you hit that tree awfully hard earlier today…I just want to be sure you are all right." The silence that greeted her request was not encouraging.

"You’re not going to let me sleep until you do this, are you?"

There was resignation in his voice that made Sam realize he was indeed in pain. "No, sir…probably not." She remained firm in her response. One thing she had learned from Jack O’Neill over the years…never back down if there is any sign of hope.

"There’s not a whole lot of room in here you know, and seeing as I’m all tucked in…how about we wait until morning?"

She had him now…feeble excuses. Yep he gives. "Sorry, sir…I need to have a base pulse and temp tonight…just in case."

"Just in case WHAT?"

"Just in case you are worse in the morning."

"OR better…don’t be so negative, Major."

Sam ducked her head and chuckled, "Of course, sir…or better."

"All right, come take your vitals."

With that, Sam lifted the flap of the one-man tent and shimmied in on her belly. Shining her flashlight on the prone form of her CO, she could see pain lines creasing his brow.

His eyes squinted shut as the beam of light caught them dead on. "Carter, do you mind? It’s bad enough when Doc does that with her penlight, for cryin’ out loud." O’Neill held up his hand shielding his eyes from the bright light.

"Sorry, sir." Carter had seen what she needed to see. The colonel’s face was pale, and the pain lines were from more than the beam of her light. "How are you feeling? You’re looking a little pale." Propping the flashlight against his hip, she began breaking out the med kit. Inside, she found the strip thermometer and placed it on his forehead.

"I’m fine…just tired. We did walk a lot today…all downhill…which means tomorrow will be all uphill…I might add." There was a definite grumpy tone attached to his answer.

Sam held his wrist as she checked his pulse rate. "Sir, I’m sorry I was careless and fell into you. Is there anywhere you are hurting?"

"My pride, Carter…I used to bounce off tree trunks. I admit the one today felt a little…solid. How about you? You okay?"

"I’m fine…nothing a Jacuzzi and full body massage won’t cure."

"Really?"

"Your temp is normal, though your pulse is a bit fast…"

"What do you expect with the mental picture you just gave me?"

"It was fast before I mentioned the massage, sir."

"Oh."

"Roll over and lift your shirt."

"Why, do I get a massage too?"

"I want to check for bruising."

"Oh."

As he turned to his side, Sam could just see the grimace of pain touch his eyes. She had a feeling rolling over was taking a lot more effort than the colonel would admit too. Helping him un-tuck his T-shirt, she saw the dark area spreading from his hip to his spine. "Colonel, I think we should abort the mission and head back to the Gate at first light."

"Why?"

"You’re badly bruised, and could still be bleeding internally." She watched as the colonel rolled back toward her, settling himself as gently as possible. Realizing he was in far more pain than he was admitting, she opted to offer some pain pills. "Here, take these."

"Why?"

"Because you are in pain." Sam’s voice trailed off as a blanket of guilt wrapped itself around her. She handed him the medication, offering her canteen as well. Reluctantly, O’Neill took the pills and dry swallowed all three. "Colonel, you should drink some water."

"Major, have you tested the sample I gave you?"

"Yes, sir, the initial field test indicates it is drinkable. As an added precaution we are using the purification tablets."

"Good…are we finished here?"

"Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?"

"You can let me get some sleep."

"Yes, sir." Gathering her med kit, Sam began to back out of the small shelter.

"Carter?"

"Sir?"

"Don’t worry so much…that’s an order."

Part 2

'Uhnnn…maybe I should have eaten something before I dozed off.' The thought accompanied a soft moan as Jack wrapped his arms around his waist. He quietly rolled onto his stomach, drawing his knees under him and sending his six toward the ceiling of his tent. Looking far more like a five-year old with a tummy ache, than a fifty-year old USAF colonel, he rocked back and forth, burying his head in his jacket/pillow to muffle the unbidden groan. "Naaarnghh, for cryin' out loud, don't tell me I have the flu…I hate when that happens…" his voice trailed off into another series of moans, as he clutched his belly. Beads of sweat covered his brow as the incessant pain held him captive. There was no doubt…he felt like crap.

The last thing he remembered was Carter doing her impression of Florence Nightingale. He must have dozed off after she gave him the pain pills. 'Cute, Carter, slip me the heavy-duty stuff when I'm not looking. Uhnnn…no…don't wanna do that…' a wave of nausea engulfed him, causing him to concentrate on his breathing. There was no way he was gonna hurl. At least, that was the plan. Rolling onto his back, he drew his knees up tight once more. He couldn't pin point the origin of the pain he was feeling. It felt like his whole abdomen was swelling…though perhaps there was a little more intensity in his right flank. The memory of rolling, no…slamming, into the tree came to mind. "Ouch…must of done some damage after all." Jack began mentally listing the possible injuries. 'Rib? Nope, not sharp enough, and I can breath okay. Couldn't be appendix…right…all ready thought of that one. Labor? Uhh no. Although, I'm thinking Sara would find this amusing.' Another wave of nausea interrupted his attempt at self-diagnosis. "Ehhh…ca-rap!"

Jack launched himself through his tent opening just in time to retch, sending what little was in his stomach just inches away from his awaiting boots.

"O'Neill? Are you unwell?" Teal'c had heard the moans coming from his CO's tent, he was on his way to investigate just as his friend's upper body appeared from inside.

"What?" The colonel spat twice, then wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

"You appear to be unwell…may I be of assistance?"

"Nope…I got it." Trying to cover the trembling of his arms, Jack checked his watch for the time. '0500…that can't be right…' "Teal’c…you were supposed to wake me an hour ago." Jack staggered slightly as he rose to his feet. His voice was missing the command edge that he had intended. He hoped Teal'c hadn't noticed. Bending over to retrieve his boots, he clutched his right side.

"MajorCarter and I thought it best to allow you to sleep." Teal’c watched closely as his friend strained to stand upright.

"Oh, really? Well it just so happens, my bladder doesn’t agree. I’ll be right back, then you can go do your kel-no…thing." Using the light on his P90 to guide him off the boulder, he walked a discrete distance from camp, in order to relieve himself. Jack quickly realized how sore he really was. In addition to the pain in his belly and side, it felt as if a hundred Jaffa…wearing cleats…had trampled his back. He also became aware of a particular discomfort…one that he attributed to the need to pee. Finding a secluded spot, he opened his fly and began answering nature’s call.

The pain that shot through him brought him to his knees. "Gah…what the…?" He was certain he had just peed fire. Looking down, to confirm such a thing could not possibly happen, he saw the orangey red colored stream of painful urine. "That can’t be a good thing…damn it hurts." Unable to staunch the flow, his body began to tremble with the burning sensation; he bit his tongue to prevent himself from crying out. The mere seconds it took to void the contents of his bladder were enough to make his eyes water. There was no question his injuries were serious. Bruised kidney for sure...but something else had to be going on to cause him so much pain. "Damn."

He took a few moments to compose himself. Leaning heavily on a dead tree stump, Jack climbed back to his feet, zipped his fly, and turned back toward camp. His head began to swim; his ears heard a warm buzz as he sank once more to the forest floor. Once again, gravity prevailed as the colonel’s limp form pitched forward and tumbled down toward the bottom of the mountain.

"Teal’c…where’s Colonel O’Neill?"

"MajorCarter you should be sleeping."

"I wanted to check on the colonel…he’s not in his tent."

"His bladder awakened him. He has gone…'to see a man about a dog’…I believe that is the term he uses."

Sam smiled. "Yeah…that’s the term. Has he been gone long?"

"I expect him to return at any moment."

Carter sat next to her teammate, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "In that case I’ll wait."

"Are his injuries severe enough to postpone our mission?"

Sam smiled, she couldn’t know how serious his injuries really were, but she was willing to bet the colonel was hurting a lot more than he had earlier admitted to. "I don’t know, Teal’c, we will have to see how he feels…not that he is going to tell us."

It soon became apparent that the colonel was taking far too long to return to camp.

"Which way did he go?" Carter had waited long enough.

The Jaffa warrior raised a worried brow. "To the west, beyond the edge of the boulder. Perhaps I should have accompanied him."

Sam smiled, "Yeah, right. Somehow, I can’t see the colonel agreeing to an escort while he headed to the latrine. We’ll give him another minute…I don’t suppose he has his radio with him?"

"No, he doesn’t." Jonas spoke up as he approached the campfire, his CO’s vest in his hand.

"Jonas?"

"I heard you talking about the colonel, I stopped at his tent, thinking he was there. The only thing he has with him is his P90."

"Wonderful…Jonas stay here in case the colonel comes back, contact me as soon as you see him. Teal’c grab some blankets, I’ll get the med kit." It took less than a minute for them to gather the emergency items and start tracking their team leader. Carter hoped they would meet him on the way, full of sarcastic remarks about having a little privacy to take care of ‘business’. She would gladly be accused of being a mother hen…as long as the colonel was on his feet.

"MajorCarter, I believe I have found O’Neill’s trail." The experienced tracker easily found the broken brush where the colonel had stumbled along. Ten yards from camp a small clearing revealed not only the tamped down foliage of someone kneeling but just to the right, as far down the slope as their flashlights would illuminate, was a steady path of broken bushes and seedlings.

"COLONEL!" Sam spoke quickly into her radio. "Jonas, bring rope, lots of rope. Teal’c, can you see him?" Leaning forward as far as she dared, Sam shone her light into the broken bushes below.

"I am unable to determine O’Neill’s location. Nor can I see how far he may have fallen." He carefully inched his way forward and downward, searching for any sign of his brother in arms. "Here…the slope veers toward the boulder once again. I believe ColonelO’Neill may have dropped into the waterfall below."

"Jonas where’s that rope!" The concern for her commanding officer was not masked in any way as Carter snapped the order into her radio.

"I’m right behind you. Sam, where’s the colonel?"

She hadn’t even heard Jonas come up behind her, so concentrated was she on the search for their injured CO. "We don’t know…but I’m betting he’s at the bottom of this boulder. Someone has to climb down and find him."

"I’ll go." Jonas didn’t hesitate.

"No, Jonas I need you and Teal’c to pull us back up…depending on how badly injured the colonel is…he may not be able to make it on his own." As she spoke, Sam’s hands were busy tying knots every three feet along the length of rope. Rappelling was not new to her…though descending in the dark on an alien planet, and not knowing what she was going to find at the bottom, made her heart rate increase. The knots were to assure her that her hands would not slip…this was going to be a controlled, gradual, descent.

There had been nothing gradual, or controlled, about the colonel’s descent. Nor had there been anything to stop him from dropping off the edge of the boulder and into the pool at the base of the falls. Jack landed near the water’s edge, missing the rough rock with only inches to spare. The four-foot depth cushioned his fall, while the chill of the water woke him instantly. He quickly became aware of his surroundings, as he caught himself starting to gasp for air.

Years of experience told him to relax and think. Disorientation ranked high on the list of probable causes of death in situations like this. The instinct to find air as quickly as possible, often led drowning victims to panic, struggle, and even swim in the wrong direction. ‘Relax O’Neill…feel the current…float to the top…nope, can’t float, P90 too heavy…drop P90…I don’t think so…reach out find the bottom…need air…’ Stretching out his hand, he touched the pool bed…and a very sharp object. ‘Ouch…damn, what in the…’ Carefully twisting his body, he brought his knees and boots under himself and pushed off the bottom of the pool. He broke the surface of the cold liquid much sooner than he had thought he would and gratefully gulped a lungful of air.

Once the demand for air had been filled, another wave of pain registered with Jack’s mind. His attention was drawn to his left hand, where even in the dim light of the predawn, he could see something protruding from his palm. A wave of nausea hit him hard as he turned toward the pool’s edge. Three strides brought him close enough to lean his elbows on solid, albeit soggy ground. Taking a quick inventory of his injuries, Jack was reminded that his back, and right side hurt, his hand was throbbing, and…‘oh, yeah…it had hurt like hell to pee’. He rested his head on his forearm, gathering his strength to drag himself out of the water. "Oi…this has NOT been a good day."

"Colonel O’Neill? Sir? Can you hear me?" Carter called from above.

Jack slowly lifted his head. "Great…now I’m hearing things."

"Sir? I’m on my way down…hang on."

"Sure…what ever you say." His head was beginning to ache, and he was cold.

Carter stepped carefully along the narrow bank, not knowing if it would give way under her. "Colonel…Sir? Are you all right…did you hit your head? Any broken bones?"

"Carter?"

Sam smiled, "Yes, sir. How do you feel?"

"Wet…cold…sore…did I mention wet?" "Give me your hand, sir." As she held out her hand, Sam looked for a secure tree root to help her pull the colonel to dry ground.

"Hand hurts."

"Is it broken?"

"Somethin’ stuck in it. Burns…"

Sam trained the beam of her flashlight on Jack’s hand. Square in the center of his palm there appeared to be a six-inch long sliver of bone. "Colonel…where did that come from?"

Jack touched his hand and drew back as a sharp pain shot up the length of his arm. "Crap." He really didn’t need any more pain right now. "Carter…help me out of here…I’m beginning to grow algae between my toes."

"Yes, sir." Carter had never been so grateful for all the years of dance lessons, weight training, and hand to hand combat skills. Her ability to use her own body as a brace and balance, while the colonel struggled to his feet, saved her from a dunking of her own. "Easy, sir…"

Collapsing once again, higher on the soft bank, the persistent senior officer did his best to keep up the façade, that all was normal. "Easy? Sure…that was easy. Now getting back to camp might be a different story." Jack took a shallow breath and looked around. "Carter?"

"Yes, sir?" Reaching inside the med kit, Sam pulled out a pair of latex gloves and the tweezers. Donning the gloves, she carefully took his injured hand in hers, getting a better look at the foreign object lodged in his palm. Gently grasping the sliver with the tweezers, she gave an experimental tug.

"Where the hell…OUCH… are we?" Jack resisted the urge to retract his hand, he watched as the callused skin of his palm clung to the miniature spear.

"Sorry…we’re at the base of the boulder, below the main waterfall. Sir, do you have any idea where, or what, this sliver came from? It appears to have a barb on the tip…like a fishhook."

"Ya think?"

"Occasionally, sir." Sam wasn't about to be ignored. "Colonel, do you remember how this happened?"

"No…wait, yeah…I was searching for the bottom, of the pool. Touched something sharp…I guess." He winced once more as Sam continued to probe the swelling wound. "Would you like one of your own to play with? That does hurt you know." He started to pull his hand away.

"Sir…what kind of pain…burning? Itching? Sharp?"

"Yes…all of the above, now leave it alone." Regaining possession of his hand, the colonel cradled it close to him, carefully avoiding snagging the protrusion. "Thank you."

"MajorCarter, have you located O’Neill?" Teal’c’s voice rang clearly from above them.

Cueing her radio, Sam replied. "Yes, Teal’c…he seems okay…except for an injury to his hand. I’m not certain the colonel is going to be able to climb up though. Have Jonas stand-by to give you a hand…uhh, help you…help us. Carter out."

"Good Carter…funny, real, funny." Taking a deep breath to clear his mind of the constant pain, Jack O’Neill called upon his last reserves. Swaying slightly as he climbed to his feet, he felt the steadying arm of his 2IC, wrap around his waist. "I got it…thanks."

"Sir, you can hardly stay on your feet…quit being so stubborn and let me help you, for crying out loud."

"Major, you should be more careful with the company you keep. You’re picking up bad habits."

"Yes, sir…I know."

It took the combined strength of Teal’c and Jonas, and the better part of fifteen minutes to carefully hoist Colonel O’Neill back up to the top of the boulder. Sam had insisted he wear a rappelling harness. A second rope had been secured above, to allow her to climb up along side him…just in case. Once again, the young major proved her ability to assess a situation, and take the appropriate action. O’Neill did indeed pass out again, before reaching the crest of their climb. It took all her strength to stabilize his line, and climb as well. Her arms burned with the effort.

"Careful…watch his left hand, Jonas. There's some sort of barbed spine stuck in his palm." As she pulled herself over the lip of the boulder, Sam rolled onto her back to catch her breath. She watched as her teammates gently laid their leader on the blankets that formed an emergency stretcher.

"Sam? Are you okay?" Jonas knelt next to her, offering his canteen.

"Yeah, I’m fine. We need to get the colonel back to camp." She took the proffered hand and was quickly on her feet again. "Wait, let me secure his arm." Tying Jack’s hand to his belt would assure it of not being caught, or bumped, by anything along the rough path. There was no doubt in Sam’s mind that the needle-like sliver was toxic. The colonel’s hand was on fire. "Damn, I wish I knew what this came from."

"Once O’Neill is safely returned to camp, I shall endeavor to find the origin of this object." In one graceful motion Teal’c knelt, and with a nod to Jonas, rose in unison, to bear their leader and friend toward the glow of their dying campfire.