Title: Bolted Down

Author: Flatkatsi

Email: flatkatsi@optusnet.com.au

Category: Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Pairings: None

Spoilers: None

Season: Any

Rating: PG

Content Warnings: Jack whumping

Archive: Incoming Wormhole, Jackfic

Summary: The team is trapped and getting home won’t be simple. .

Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

Author’s Note: Thanks to Ruth, Yllek & Annie for letting me annoy them so often.

Chapter One - Bolted Down

He could feel his life slowly drifting away in waves as if he was on an ocean current and the waves were taking him drifting him moving him ever onwards towards who knew where and why the pain was just a background noise to the reality of what he was and where he was and why he was and…

It hurt so much and there was nothing that he could do. It was the reality. The raison d’etre. He moved with it and it moved with him. Unceasing.

He hurt so much.

They were watching him. Looking at him. Seeing him. He couldn’t hide from them. He wanted to hide because the pain was so much and he didn’t want them to see and he didn’t want them to hurt as well because he knew that if they could see they would know.

And it hurt so much.

He lay there and he hid within himself but he knew that they could tell because it was sharp and hurtful and so so painful and he didn’t want them to see but it hurt so much and he couldn’t help it. He cried out because he couldn’t help it.

It hurt so much.

It was all his reality. He was nothing else.

         *********************

It had been suppose to be an uninhabited planet, at least as far as they could tell, but they all knew to expect the unexpected, so the natives hadn’t really been a surprise. But what had been was the ferocity of their attack. There had been no time for talking, they had simply turned and fled, reluctant to fire their weapons. They hadn’t gone far so expected to beat their pursuers to the gate and avoid a confrontation. Racing out of the trees and towards the gate they had run straight into the hail of arrows that they could do nothing to avoid. More warriors had been there. Waiting behind the circle. With their weapons drawn and their emotions close to the surface because only defilers would try to go through the god’s gate.

Jack had been first and he knew the dangers. He knew and that was why he was first. The expression “a bolt from the blue” took on a whole new meaning for him. They ran and they didn’t see until it was too late. The small outcrop was enough to conceal them and so they ran back, without orders because it was the only thing to do and they reached it and turned.

And then they saw. He wasn’t with them. He was always with them. But he wasn’t there. And they took one quick look behind to see if he was dialling and if he was saving them like he always did and he wasn’t.

He wasn’t.

He was lying there, not saving them. Not taking them home. They had been through so much and they expected that he would be able to save them and he wasn’t. The adrenaline was rushing through them and they knew that just on the other side of that stone circle was safety and home and a normal life and they expected that he would make sure that he got them there because he always did and he wasn’t and…

Everything just stopped.

          ************************************

“Jack!” Daniel’s voice was loud in the total silence. He didn’t care. All that he wanted was that his friend would answer. He felt such a fraud, hiding behind the rock while Jack was still out there. They had been so close to getting home. So close after they had run, as fast as they could, away from the pursuing natives. It had only been a short run to the gate and then they would have dialled home and been safe.

They had almost made it.

The hail of arrows had hit and they had turned as one, without thinking. Run. That was it – run. And they had made it.

All but one.

Because he had been first.

As he always was.

Now they had stopped running and were safe for the moment. But out there, lying on the hard tan sandy dirt and bleeding his life away was Jack. And Daniel was behind his rock. Safe.

The arrow was short and straight and oh so deadly and it stood up out of his back and it pinned him to the sandy earth. But the earth wasn’t sandy anymore because it was bleeding with him and turning such a beautiful shade of red that he almost wished that he could use it as paint for a canvas. But he didn’t paint and the red was Jack’s. And he really didn’t know what he thought because all rational thought had left him when he had turned and seen.

Crossbows packed a punch that killed so easily. And their bolts are small but very very nasty. And Daniel could have told Jack everything that he would ever want to know about the history of the crossbow in warfare, but he really wasn’t in any position to listen.

Because he was pinned and bleeding and dying.

        ******************************

They knew that they had to get to him, but they couldn’t. They were pinned down and their sophisticated weapons were so useless against such a primitive thing. They were there and he was there and they knew that he was just within the range of the crossbows. And if they tried to get to him, it would be oh so easy to shoot again.

And, by the scream, surely once was more than enough.

And they knew that they had to save him, because that is what he would do.

But they couldn’t think how.

And he was hurting so much and they knew it because they had heard him scream. Just the once.

But once was more than enough.

Because he didn’t scream.

Ever.

          ******************************

He could feel his life ebbing away. The pain was sharp and real and it pinned him through the back and into the hard earth and if he moved it was agony such as he had never felt before so he tried not to move but he couldn’t help it and he knew that they watched and he knew that they couldn’t do anything so he tried not to hurt but it was so hard and he couldn’t help it and he moved.

And he screamed.

     ********************************

Sam flinched. She could hear the Colonel, hear his hoarse screams. She flinched. She could feel Teal’c’s gaze upon her but she couldn’t help it.

He never screamed.

Never.

There was something that she could do to help him. She could race out and pull him back and then he would be safe and he would be with them and he…

And she knew that really there was nothing that she could do.

So she sat and listened.

And flinched.

          *******************************

He couldn’t just lie there. The earth was getting soft beneath him and he was drifting closer by the second to that small calm place. But he knew that it was too easy an out. That he didn’t deserve that. That he should suffer more.

So he moved.

He pulled himself up and out and dragged himself over the first sharp obstacle as it scraped the ground beneath him and drew lines of the deepest agony into the dirt, leaving its mark.

And, at first, he thought that it would happen. That he would just crawl as far as he could. Out of range and out of danger so that his friends could lift him and save him and stop the pain.

But it didn’t happen like that.

It would have been too easy. He should have guessed.

And the swift hard kick of the bolt that came from the blue and took his hand and pushed it into the ground was as much a surprise as the first one.

And it shouldn’t have been.

Because they weren’t going to let it be that easy. And they could hit whatever they wanted. So they aimed again and pinned him into the ground once more and once again until he stuck hard and could move no longer.

And they were just toying with him.

And perhaps they liked the sound of screams.

          ***************************************

Teal’c could hear O’Neill and he knew that it must be so bad that he could not help himself, because O’Neill was strong and would do anything to protect his ‘kids’. He wasn’t protecting them now. He was telling them exactly just what it felt like to die, piece by piece and second by second. Teal’c knew that there was something that he could do. Something that he had to do because O’Neil was out there and he was safe and out of harm’s way.

And, although he knew that he should not, he really couldn’t wait. He knew what he had to do so he did it and he ran, faster than he had run in all his years. And he skidded to a halt at the side of his fallen comrade and he reached out.

And he saw that O’Neill’s eyes had died and that his pain was such that he had no idea that he was about to be saved. And as he lifted him, it was as if he lifted a heavy weight, far heavier than the lean body should have been. As if he lifted the weight of the man’s soul.

He had to pull hard, but he did and despite the flight of arrows, he was away and back and it had all taken such a short time, but it had seemed like an eternity.

And perhaps to O’Neill it had been.                                                                                   

          *************************

He felt the pull and the tug and for a moment he thought that he couldn’t move. It was as if he was crushed and pinned and stuck down like a butterfly in a collection and he knew that it was so bad that perhaps he really didn’t want to move and maybe it was better if he slowly dripped and ran and washed away on to the ground.

He felt the searing rush of energy and movement and agony and he knew that someone had come, but he didn’t know who – could only hope that whoever it was, they would let him take a breath enough to ask that they not hurt him any more because it hurt so very very much and he couldn’t help it.

And he felt the tug and pull as he left the soft tan earth and he screamed.

          *********************************

When Teal’c had leapt from behind the rock, he had taken the others by surprise. They had wanted to do something, but they hadn’t know what. Now he had made the decision for them and it had all happened so quickly that they barely had time to react before he was back.

He laid the Colonel down, as if he was the most precious of burdens and crouched over him, watching.

For a moment they sat, mesmerised by the short shaft protruding from his back. It was such a small thing.

But he hadn’t stopped screaming, so they knew that it was more than just a small thing. It was large and looming and so so heavy. And the red was pulsing with every scream and their minds were numb and slow, because he did not scream.

Never.

And the implications were enormous and overwhelming and they were completely numb.

So he kept screaming and they watched for a long moment.

Motionless.

Then he shuddered and shook and opened his eyes and they saw that he was there and that he could see them. And they knew that there had to be something that they could do because he couldn’t die like this.

It couldn’t end like this and they wouldn’t let it.

So Carter opened her pack and took the dressing and pressed it down as hard as she could around the shaft. And although he screamed, long and hard and so much as if they had betrayed him, she kept it there while Daniel cradled him to his chest and held on tight, so tight that he couldn’t let go, even though he wanted to. Then they took the other bolts from him, the ones that had pinned his arms and legs with deadly accuracy and with each one he quivered.

And he held on to life with a single fingertip, clinging for all he was worth, while Teal'c kept watch. And they fought another battle. This was one that they knew was almost lost before it was begun, but they could do nothing else. And as the red life ran from him, he panted and breathed and shook and hurt.

He hurt so very very much and there was nothing that they could do.

            *************************************

They were so close that they could almost smell it. So close to home that it beckoned seductively to them. And as the day grew longer, fast and black, they planned what little they could. But the long hours had made a mockery of their careful schemes as the Colonel had gone quiet at last. They wished that he hadn’t because they felt and saw and knew that nothing that they had done was changing the future and that he was leaving them alone.

He had watched them too, a knowing calculating look that told them that he knew what was happening. He hadn’t spoken – only cried small cries occasionally and then had given them a broken look that spoke of giving up. They had ignored it – knowing that it wasn’t really him, that it was an outsider that had inhabited his body for a time just so that the real one could rest.

And finally, as the night beckoned, he had come back to them. He had taken them each by the hand and they knew that it was a farewell and a promise and they knew that they had to go now, because otherwise there would be no point, no reason to hurry.

And Teal’c had lifted him once more, but this time, although it had been only a few hours, he was light and insubstantial and was barely there. Then clutching their weapons as talismans against the night, they had moved forward as stealthily as they could.

           *******************************

They were overdue again.

General Hammond could do nothing. The MALP had shown that the area surrounding the gate was filled with men, each carrying weapons. There was no way that he could send a rescue team into that.

They would have to find a way themselves.

That was if they were still alive.

They would have to get themselves home this time. There was no easy answer.

So he stood sentinel and waited. He would never give up hope.

But the old saying “No news is good news” wasn’t true. Any news is better when part of your family is missing.

                            ******************************

They crouched beside the steps, while Daniel dialled and they wondered just what they had done to deserve such a god given miracle. Perhaps that was what it was – god given, because the natives had gone and they were there alone.

At the god’s gate.

And in the darkness the fires glowed far away over the rise and the calls and chants sounded frightened. And if Daniel had time he might have understood that the power of the gate was greatest at night, when the darkness was all around.

But they didn’t ask for explanations – just took it for what it was and so Daniel dialled. But as the last chevron locked and the great flame of cold reached out the miracle was taken away.

                           *********************************

The cry was loud in the silence.

“Unauthorised off world activation”

And the General ran, as fast as generals run and ordered the iris closed – his heart in his mouth. The iris shut and they waited, not daring to hope.

Then they smiled and looked at each other in relief as the ID was called, because

SG-1 had done it again.

No one had ever really doubted it even if they hadn’t said it out loud.

And it taught them not to tempt fate because there was nothing to smile about when the figures staggered out of the wormhole and laid him down.

The smell of blood was heavy and cloying. It hung thickly in the air. It was hard and stale and old and it was difficult to tell which of them were hurt because they were all covered in it. But one was silent, nothing moving.

And the others were silent as well, but not in the same way.

And the watchers looked on in shock.

The running footsteps were loud in the silence and the orders came fast. Pushed back out of the way, the team stood, their eyes reflecting just how much hope had gone from them in these last minutes.

When they had thought that they were saved. And found that they weren’t saved, even now.

They watched as he was rushed away.

                *********************************

Her hands were doing everything that they could to do to bring a person back to life. She knew what to do – she had done it often enough, and years of practice meant that a part of her was able to stand aloof and observe, and a part of her was able to panic while the rest stayed calm.

But she wasn’t sure if this time she could do enough. He had only been gone a very short time and they restarted his heart without much trouble, but keeping it going was becoming increasingly difficult. He had lost so much blood and shock alone was enough to kill him. So she gave her orders calmly, clinically and they managed to stabilize him enough to take him into the operating theatre, and there he had died again while the machines held him in their grip.

                *************************************

Janet wouldn’t let them stay with the Colonel, even though they had begged. His hold on life was too fragile and the room that he was in was taken up with equipment and the nurse set to watch him.

They had understood, but it hadn’t made it any easier.

The crossbow shaft had just missed his spine, but had been close enough to damage nerves. He was being kept as still and quiet as possible, so it was best that he have no visitors. It wasn’t as if he would know anyway. He was hovering on the edge, deeply unconscious, with no prospect of waking any time soon.

His hold on life was light and slipped easily.

Even now, hours after they had got back home, it was hard to forget how it had been.

They were in Daniel’s office, because they had each found that they couldn’t stand to be alone. Alone they remembered too much.

The silence had grown between them until finally Sam could take it no longer.

“I keep hearing him.” She said it with a small voice as if she hoped that no one else would hear. Then she looked up and saw the compassion and understanding in her friends’ eyes. She took it as an invitation to continue and because she needed the release that speech would give, she did. “I’ve never heard him scream like that, in all these years and after so much.”

She didn’t really expect an answer, but she got one none the less.

“No.” It was short and to the point, but Daniel didn’t need to say more, the look on his face was enough.

“I don’t know what to do.” Sam’s words were a measure of their despair.  

“There is nothing that we can do, Major Carter, except trust in the doctors and in O’Neill’s own strength.” And Teal’c put his arm around her shoulders as he had once before and held her as she cried.

                                *****************************

Janet could see why Colonel O’Neill had screamed, the x-rays told her all that she needed to know. The damage to the nerves, so close to his spine, was extensive and would take very careful handling before it would heal. She intended to keep him sedated for as long as possible, so that her favorite irritating patient would stay still, a state that was impossible for him when he was conscious, no matter how badly hurt he was. It was like trying to keep a river in flood still, he was constantly trying to run away. Well, this time she had to dam the river and keep it calm, for his sake.

She had taken a short rest and now came back to check that he was doing well. As well as could be expected – as stupid an expression as she had ever hoped to hear, after all she expected him to be up and moving and not under her care at all.

He was lying, pale despite the transfusions, bandaged and quiet and he looked so frail that she could have wept. 

She nodded to the nurse, knowing that she didn’t have to remind her to call if there was any change, and she laid her hand on the Colonel’s brow, even though she could see that his temperature was normal. She just needed to touch him to reassure herself that he was there, still with them.

She stayed with him for most of the night, leaving only to give his worried friends cautious updates. She wanted to stop them from worrying, but she found it hard to when she herself was so very scared that this time would be one time too many. In the finish she told the nurse to go home, there was no need for both of them to be there. Finally, when she could stay awake no longer, she left to get some rest.

It wasn’t until the next day that the Colonel showed signs of fighting the sedatives being fed to him through the IV. Janet came as soon as she was called and saw the restless motions and frown on his ivory face.                            

She hesitated and decided to reduce the dosage, to allow him to wake slowly. It was better than having him struggling, as he was quite capable of doing.

So hour by hour, he came gradually back to them.

            **********************************

One thing that Jack O’Neill did not admit to was pain. And discomfort wasn’t a word that ever occurred in his vocabulary. So he lay there and didn’t complain whenever he was moved, or even touched. And the depth of his pain was hidden and only Janet suspected.

The fact that he remained in the ICU for so long, should have been indication enough, but he seemed so like himself that they were fooled. He used his wit to deflect their concerns and his sarcasm to distract them, so that the small flinches and gasps could be taken as annoyance rather than signs of something more. They expected him to be bored with lying there, flat and motionless, so he grumbled whenever they were allowed to visit, if only one at a time, which wasn’t often, and when they had gone he let himself show the ache that made his back throb, but only when he was sure that no one was there to see. And once or twice in the long nights he wept quiet tears of frustration.

He needed to be up and moving. To be in motion. The stillness was eating at him. And he began to wonder if this would be the way that his career would end. Not even with a whimper, let alone a bang. Because it didn’t matter how often the Doc told him that he would get better if he just let himself heal, he found that he was beginning to doubt her.

                            ***************************

Daniel was there when Jack was allowed to sit up for the first time. He stayed as close as possible, ready to help if he was needed. The head of the bed was inclined very gradually and finally Jack was able to see something other than the ceiling, so he smiled at the medical staff and let them see that he was happy. As usual, the Doc had her hand on his wrist, foregoing the machines, so she wasn’t fooled. She felt the racing pulse and was about to speak when he gave her a small shake of his head and she saw the pleading in his eyes. So she nodded and patted him gently on the well-healed arm and taking her staff with her, left him to Daniel.

Daniel couldn’t help grinning. It had been so long that Jack had been in that unfamiliar still position and now he looked almost normal, albeit a trifle pale. He stayed, sitting by the bed, chatting and filling his friend in on everything that was happening around the base and left with a promise to come back after he had eaten.

But when Daniel came back, Jack seemed asleep, so he went out again, not realising that Jack was wide-awake and only hiding.

                    ****************************

Jack was genuinely sleeping some days later when his team visited en mass for the first time. Janet had given them permission with the ulterior motive of getting the Colonel to admit just how much pain he was still in, because until he admitted to it, she could do little more than she was already doing to treat it.

They stopped in the doorway and exchanged glances. When he was asleep, Jack’s face tensed and the lines of pain were obvious. As usual, he woke almost immediately, his senses on high alert even in the infirmary.

“Sorry, Jack.” Daniel was the first to speak, “we didn’t mean to wake you.” He moved forward and sat in one of the nearby chairs, the others following him in.

“Its okay, it was time that I woke up anyway.” Jack knew that Janet was still feeding him a light sedative to help him to relax, but he didn’t need to like it. Sleeping in the middle of the day was never one of his favorite occupations. He saw that his visitors were looking at him closely and let them see that he had noticed by giving each of them an irritated stare. Sam and Daniel dropped their gaze, but Teal’c, as usual, confronted the problem head on.

“You seem to still be in some pain, O’Neill.”

Jack grimaced. He realised that he had let his guard down and was annoyed with himself. “Yeah. Just a bit. Sometimes it hurts more when I’m sleeping.” He smiled enough of a smile to allay their fears. “It’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be up and annoying you in no time.”

“I’m looking forward to it, sir. Things are too quiet around here without you.” Carter was telling the truth – she missed her CO’s visits to her lab and found it hard to concentrate. Her nights were filled with the echoes of his voice, screaming, but she would never let him know that.

It was only a few minutes before the doctor popped her head around the door. “Hi guys.” She smiled at the visitors and approached the bed, secure in the camouflage that their presence would give her. “How are you feeling, Colonel?” She picked up his chart and mechanically checked it, already knowing what it would say.

“I’m fine, Doc.” The Colonel shrugged his shoulders slightly, suppressing any sign of the sharp twinge that rushed through him. “At least I would be if you’d let me out of here.”

“He was complaining of pain, Doctor.” Teal’c interjected, giving the Colonel a hard stare.

“He was?” Doctor Fraiser found it difficult to conceal her feeling of triumph.

“Oh come on, Teal’c! It was just because I was sleeping in an awkward position.” He glared at the doctor. “If you didn’t give me these sedatives, I wouldn’t be sleeping in the middle of the day.”

“Be that as it may, Colonel, I’m going to give you something a little stronger. If you’re in pain it means that the damage isn’t healed fully yet and until it does you won’t be going anywhere near the gate.” She gave him her best bedside manner glare before turning to his IV.

Jack frowned as something registered with him as not quite right and as his team reluctantly said their farewells he realised what it was. The Doc had had the sedatives prepared, waiting to be given. His eyes drifted shut and as he feel into a relatively pain free sleep he knew that he had been suckered once again.