Author: Flatkatsi

Email: flatkatsi@aol.com

Category: Humour

Pairing: None

Rating: G

Season/sequel: Any

Summary: Jack & Daniel are captured by a deadly foe.

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.

Thanks for the help, Jackie.

Bite Me

"Bite Me! How dare you bite me, Tauri dog!"

"Ouch! OK! Don't bite the Jaffa. How about don't hit the Colonel?"

"Jack Ð don't provoke him. You aren't exactly in a position to fight back."

"Well Daniel, if he hadn't stuck his big snaky arm in front of my face, I wouldn't have bitten him, now would I? It was an instinctive reaction. It's bad enough being bound hand and foot without being stuck with a gung ho Jaffa trainee - if there was any sort of Jaffa other than gung ho?"

There was a moment of silence as Jack looked up at the young Jaffa warrior towering over him. Daniel took a deep breath. He knew that this whole situation was ripe for more of Jack's special blend of sarcasm.

"So, your name would be Ð wait! Don't tell me! I know, Junior Jaffa."

Daniel's warning "Jaaack!" coincided exactly with the sound of a large fist hitting a mouth.

"What part of don't hit the Colonel didn't you understand? Because I can see that your training is sadly lacking in respect for rank."

"When the rest of my squad gets here, you will be taken back to my god. You will not be so talkative then, Tauri"

"Wouldn't bet on it."

"No, neither would I," mumbled a small Daniel voice.

"So, Jolly Jaffa, what exactly were you doing hiding behind this rock? Hadn't you done your homework?"

"I am a warrior in training. My task was to ambush my fellow Jaffa when they returned from a hunting expedition. We train well to conquer weak Tauri such as yourself and show them how to properly worship their gods."

"Yeah, well yadda yadda yadda. Not gods. Never were. Don't like worshipping. Not going to happen. Ouch! Stop that! I'll get angry soon."

"Silence, worm! There will be no more speaking!"

The silence lasted for about fifteen minutes.

" Something wrong with your arm?"

The young Jaffa snatched his hand away from where he was rubbing the raw red mark that showed where Jack had bitten him.

"There is nothing wrong with my arm. Your pitiful bite did not even hurt. I am a warrior. I am trained to ignore such things."

"Not doing a good job of ignoring there, Kid. Mind if I call you Kid? I was thinking of calling you Jack's Jaffa but I don't feel that our relationship is that close yet. That arm looks a little sore."

"I have said Ð it is nothing. Silence!"

This time the silence lasted ten minutes.

"You're looking a little peaky there, Jaffa Minor. Like me to take a look at that wound for you?"

The slap that the young Jaffa inflicted on O'Neil this time barely made him flinch.

"You better sit down before you fall down, Jaffy. You don't look at all well"

"I will zat you quiet, Tauri! Stop this constant babble. Now!"

"OK, already! Don't get so excited. I'll be quiet."

Five minutes later the silence was broken by the sound of a large Jaffa warrior body hitting the ground.

"Daniel."

"Yes Jack?"

"I managed to untie my hands about twenty minutes ago. Should I untie you, or do you want to wait until his friends get here and get to know them too?"

"Just untie me Jack."

"No sense of humour Ð that's your trouble Dannyboy. Weren't you having a good time? I was. It's nice to get a chance to meet your enemies. Chat with them. Get to know them. Obviously infect them with human bite germs. Should I have told him that I hadn't cleaned my teeth today?"

"You know, Jack. What say next time we go on a mission, you don't bother taking a rifle. We'll just ask the Jaffa nicely if they would line up and present arms so that you can bite them. I wonder if it works on Goa'uld?"

"Oh, very funny Daniel! Let's go find Sam and Teal'c and get out of here before his pals turn up."

"It could give us a whole new menu when we are off world, Jack. No more of those boring MREs. Jaffa Bites. And if they don't stay still to be bitten, we could chase them and they could be Fast Food. Like hamburgers and pizzas. The ultimate junk food"

"Shut up now, Daniel!"

"Can I just say one thing? Your bite is worse than your bark."

"No, Daniel. You can't"

"OK Jack"