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Title: Jack Went Up the Hill Author: Flatkatsi Email: flatkatsi@optusnet.com.au Status: Complete Category: H/C, Humor (maybe?) Pairings: None Spoilers: Little one for Paradise Lost Season: 6 Rating: G Content Warnings: Jack whumping File Size: 43 kb Archive: Jackfic, Incoming Wormhole Summary: Jack is trapped and very sorry for himself. Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Author's Note: Apologies to Denise and Yllek , who were doing a wonderful job of helping me with this, but I just went ahead and posted it, unbeta'd.
With a supreme effort he opened his eyes, barely slits against the bright sun. Light harsh and white, hot. His eyes shut in reaction. It was too hard to open them again.
He didn't try.
On the side of a hill, lay a boulder and under that boulder the Colonel was caught. Loose gravel poured in streams down the open sore in the green grass, pooling around him. He had lain there for such a short time, but he did not know this. To him it seemed like an eternity.
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Jacob Carter was a worried man. Selmak was a worried Tok'ra. Between them, they had enough worry for five people, let alone two. Jack should have been back by now. Surely the man had had enough of walks in the woods after his sojourn on that moon with Maybourne. Jacob and Selmak held an internal conversation with themselves and together concluded that something must have happened to the Colonel to make him miss his report in with Hammond. But what could have happened to Jack so near to the Alpha site camp? Surely even Jack couldn't get himself into trouble going for a walk? The man was on vacation, for Christ's sake!
Wait.
It was Jack O'Neill they were talking about here. The man that couldn't step out of the Stargate without having Jaffa appear out of nowhere. The man that attracted trouble like a magnet.
Jacob sighed, stood and went to organize a search party.
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I raised my head and shook the small, tiny, sharp, nasty stones from my face. I coughed the dust out of my throat and took stock of my situation.
Uncomfortable.
Painful.
Dry.
What else?
Had I mentioned painful?
I really couldn't think of what could possibly have happened. I was alone here.
Where? That was a question that needed answering. Where? OK Ð I could just about work out that I was on a slope. That was clever. It must be the way that the little stones kept sliding by that gave me that clue. What else? I hurt.
Had I mentioned pain?
This was getting old very quickly.
I felt the weight on my left arm through the spreading numbness taking over me. I lifted my head higher, resting my body on my other arm. The sight of the rock, so damned close that it was touching my chest, caused me to instinctively pull back.
I didn't go far. Didn't go far at all. But I did manage to cause myself more pain.
Ummm. I cautiously raised my head once again. The boulder sat on the slope. My arm lay under the boulder. The boulder was on my arm. It was a damned big boulder. My thoughts spun round and round in my head. Boulder. Arm. Arm. Boulder. Surely if I stared at it long enough, the picture would change?
Not changing.
I lay back, dislodging more of those insidious stones.
Had I mentioned the pain?
My eyes closed involuntarily, blocking out the harsh light.
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Jacob was seriously annoyed now. He had better things to do than look for a wayward Colonel that couldn't even find his own tent. But he knew that his daughter would never forgive him if anything happened to the man. Truth to tell, Jacob was a bit scared of his daughter. If he annoyed her, she got that look that said, "I will make the rest of your life a morass of guilt." He had never liked that look, even when she was three. So Jacob organized a search to take in as much of the surrounding hills as possible.
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I lay there, deciding to open my eyes and see if wishes did come true.
Nope. Didn't think so.
Rock on arm. Arm squashed.
Ummmm.
I knew that I wasn't thinking straight. It really is hard to think straight with a flat arm.
I wonder how long I've been here?
I wonder where here is?
Did I mention the pain?
No blood, though. That was a nice change. Or maybe not. Flat, squashed arm. No blood. There is something about this picture that doesn't bode well for my future health, but my brain's too fuzzy to work it out. First things first. I'm getting thirsty. My pack is ÉohÉthere it is. Down there. My pack is down there. Hello pack.
Where was I?
The light seems dimmer than a second ago.
When did it get dark?
And cold.
Everything has changed except the boulder.
And the pain.
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Annoyed. Worried. Now tired. Jacob tried to make himself relax as he lay on his bedroll. Selmak was doing the "concerned for the old man" thing. It had been thirty hours now and still no sign of Jack. Perhaps he should let George send a team to help? No Ð the Tok'ra here could handle this without the Tau'ri's help. He'd find the Colonel in the morning.
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I have this insane desire to giggle. It is just so damned funny. Flat arm Jack. Flat Jack.
Oh! That hurts! No giggling.
There is something wrong with this picture. No one in their right mind finds a situation like this remotely amusing.
No one in their right mind.
That's a sobering thought.
I've been here God knows how long. I don't have any water. I can't move. I can't feel my arm. I'm definitely light headed.
I'm in shit so often that only the depth varies. This time I'm in deep, deep shit.
I pull my torso around as much as possible, pressing against the rock. All it will take is a push and this damned thing will be off me and down there with my pack.
I really tried to push. I did. Really.
Did I mention the pain?
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Jacob was even more annoyed now. Another day hiking around these damned hills. Another day of no Colonel. Where the hell was he?
Selmak told him that he was so annoyed because he was so worried.
Rubbish.
He wasn't worried. He was annoyed. Why would he be worried? Jack was a grown man. He could look after himself. He'd probably turn up back at the camp, laughing at them.
He wasn't worried.
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That was a nice rest. Now, where was I?
Oh yes. Stuck. Very stuck.
Pushing the rock didn't help. Didn't budge it an inch.
And I needed that nice rest. Having another rest now.
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Jacob had got reports from the other search teams. There was no sign of Jack O'Neill anywhere. They had searched a wide radius around the camp. It was like he had just vanished. But then Jack had a habit of doing that.
There's a thought. Thor. Perhaps Thor took Jack for some reason.
Selmak thought that Jacob was clutching at straws.
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This isn't doing me any good at all. I have to do something about this. I don't even know where I am. Could be anywhere. Anyworld.
There could be Goa'uld. Jaffa. Nasty big monster things.
Snakes. I hate snakes.
I need to get out of here.
My head hurts.
I can see where my arm is trapped under the boulder, it's turning a strange shade of É
So not a good idea. Feel dizzy again.
And shaking my head didn't clear it either, in case you're wondering.
There must be a way to get my arm out.
Digging.
I start pulling at the dirt around my arm. It's a bit difficult because of the position that I have to twist my body in, but I manage to move quite a lot of soil. I'm happy with my hole. I'll try to pull my arm out soon. Just move a little moreÉ.
Some one MUST have heard me then. Someone must have. Please God, get me out of here. Please.
The little stones moved. Then the bigger ones. Then the rock. Moved.
Settled.
Back on its nice soft cushion. Back on my arm.
I think that I will stop mentioning the pain.
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Now Jacob was frustrated. They had been searching for hours and there was still no sign of Jack. He'd have to contact Hammond and accept help. Damn the man! He couldn't just sit and relax, no Ð he had to go and get himself lost.
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This is ridiculous. There must be a way to get myself out of here. I can feel myself getting weaker by the minute. I've lain in this same spot for days now and I'M SICK OF IT!
God damn, I'm thirsty.
There must be something I can do. No one's going to find me. There's no rescue. Or if there is, it will be too late.
Note to self: Pounding head on ground doesn't help.
The only thing that I have on me that might be at all useful is my knife. It was safely tucked into my jacket when this damned boulder rolled down the hill and grabbed me. Maybe I can use the knife somehow.
Think, Jack.
What do you do with a knife?
Cut.
Alright, so what do I have to cut?
Ummmm?
I can't stop myself from laughing. I've thought of something to cut. I think that I'm hysterical. I'm not sure. I've never actually been hysterical before.
Crap, it hurts to laugh!
The thought was just so ludicrous. I could cut my arm off at the elbow and then I'd be free.
Shit! Stop laughing, Jack. It's sad, a grown man reduced to manic laughter.
Yeap! Cut off my arm. Saw through the bones and cut, how many tendons is it Ð about twenty? Ð with my little knife. Then stop the spurting blood from pouring out. Then walk God knows how far to God knows where for help.
Yeap Ð that'll happen. Not!
Whoops Ð now I'm giggling again.
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Jacob Carter was confused. There was the sound of giggling. Giggling was not a sound that he expected to hear.
Walking around the large, precariously balanced rock, Jacob foundÉ
"Jack!" A giggling Jack.
"Jacob. Good to see you. What took you so long?" Jack turned his body as much as possible, squinting into the sun. "I seem to be a little stuck here."
Jacob bent, trying to see just how badly the Colonel was caught. If it had been possible for a Tok'ra to turn green, he would have.
"Shit, Jack. That boulder has crushed your arm." The sight of Jack's arm, buried up to the elbow under the huge rock was enough to turn anyone's stomach.
Jacob was astonished to hear Jack burst into laughter. This time it was a full-bodied laugh that would have had the man shaking if he hadn't been so tightly caught.
"I've noticed that, Jacob. But don't worry, I've thought of a plan to get myself out." Jack was waving an extremely small Swiss Army Knife in his free hand. "I have the situation completely under control." As Jacob watched the Colonel's face became pale and contorted. He dropped his knife, clutching at Jacob.
"This really sucks, Jacob. Did I mention the pain?" With that, his eyes rolled up in his head as he let himself float into the place where he went to escape at moments like these. Where there was no hulking big rock..
Jacob held on to his friend's arm for a moment longer.
"No Jack, you never mention the pain." He spoke softly, knowing that the Colonel wouldn't hear his words.
Jacob shook his head at the antics of the man beside him. Only Jack would be able to find something to laugh about in a situation like this.
Mind you, only Jack could get himself into this sort of situation.
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"Anyway, Guys, I had this plan all figured out, but your father had to come and ruin it, Carter." Jack smiled up proudly at his team clustered around his bed. "I knew that all I had to do was cut my arm off and I would be free."
"Well, Sir, I'm glad that Dad found you first." Major Carter looked at the completely whole and healthy arm in awe. She had just arrived through the Stargate when her father had arrived back at the Alpha site with the Colonel. There would have been no way that an arm as crushed as his had been could have been saved by conventional Earth medicine. It was pure luck that one of the Tok'ra healers had been there investigating the local flora for medicinal properties. He had managed to repair the damaged limb, using a combination of Tok'ra healing device and techniques picked up over his many years from other alien races. Now the Colonel was safely back on Earth, with instructions to rest for a few days to allow the healing process to be completed.
Safely back in the infirmary, seemingly unaffected by the whole ordeal.
"I have to admit, Carter, I had begun to rethink the whole arm cutting idea. I think that I was a bit off my head back there under that rock." Jack opened his mouth wide and yawned. "I'm glad that I didn't do it. I wouldn't want to be seen as Ôarmless." He sniggered.
Teal'c gave the others a puzzled look. "O'Neill appears to have developed the unfortunate tendency to giggle."
The man on the bed took no notice of the comment as he drifted off to sleep under the watchful eyes of his friends. He was already savouring an unusual sensation.
No pain.
Absolutely no pain.
The End
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