Author: Flatkatsi

Email: flatkatsi@aol.com

Category: Humour

Pairing: None

Rating: PG

Season/sequel: Any

Summary: Teal'c has a secret..

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.

"Colonel O'Neill."

"Yes, Teal'c."

"I must request a rest stop for a few minutes."

"Teal'c, we only just had a stop 30 minutes ago. I want to get further towards the gate before we stop again."

"Colonel", interjected Sam, "Perhaps there is something wrong? Teal'c?"

"Thank you Major Carter, I merely need to use the facilities."

"What facilities would those be, Teal'c?" queried Jack." The "little boy's room" that you needed back at that large tree. Or the "john" that you used when we paused for water at the stream? What is it with you and peeing at the moment, Teal'c? Got some problem in the waterworks?"

Teal'c managed to convey a severely injured look with the lift of just one eyebrow.

"My symbiote is pressing on my bladder, O'Neill. As it grows larger this will happen more frequently and the unfortunate side effect will be the need to urinate more often."

"Come on Teal'c! You make it sound like youÔre pregnant or something!"

"That is essentially correct, Major Carter. In a few months my feet will also begin to swell. I have managed to ignore the worst effects of my symbiote's presence but I am finding harder and harder to do so."

"This is ridiculous, Teal'c! We can't have a toilet stop every five minutes. I haven't noticed any other Jaffa needing to stop hitting us just to use the head! They never have this problem on TV shows. I bet the characters don't go racing off behind trees in the middle of a fight!"

"Surely that is because it would take unnecessary time away from the main story line, Colonel O'Neill" noted Jonas. "The short time frame given to convey the plot would preclude references to such things as the toilet habits of Jaffa."

Jack gave a long-suffering sigh. "If it was anyone else I wouldn't be so nice. Seeing that it is you Teal'c, go on then Ð we'll stop!"

"Thank you O'Neill," came Teal'c voice as he disappeared behind a nearby tree.

"OK Teal'c, I never got an answer to my question. Why haven't we noticed this happening with other Jaffa?" asked Jack as SG1 resumed their journey.

"The Jaffa do not talk about such things, Colonel O'Neill. They are a very private people. You have not noticed it because you did not know to look. I also would prefer to cease discussing the subject."

With that Teal'c gave Jack a dignified slight bow of his head. Unfortunately the gravity of his expression was spoilt by the exclamation of "Shit!" which he gave immediately after straightening up. "What's wrong, Teal'c?" asked Sam with some anxiety. She had never heard the big man swear before.

"Nothing, Major Carter. If it had legs you would just say that Junior was kicking."