Title: Memories

Author: Flatkatsi

Email: flatkatsi@optusnet.com.au

Category: DarkFic, POV

Spoilers: None

Season/Sequel info: Any

Rating: NC-17

Content Warnings: Violence

Summary: When do the memories become the reality?

Memories

It was the feel of blood that he missed, the feel of pain. The sound of anguished gasps as the knife was turned slowly, twisting the intestines into knots. The agonised screams as he prolonged the moment of death for as long as possible.

Those were the sensations that he missed the most. Knowing that he could take a life as easily as he could take a breath.

At times the memories got too much for him. Something as simple as seeing a friend’s shadowed face in the firelight could trigger a flash back to darker days. Days when he could have as much fun as he wished without needing to hide behind the facade of respectability. Days when his methods were condoned as long as the job got done. He would plaster a smile on his face and calm himself, acting the caring leader, the consummate soldier.

Occasionally he could indulge himself, even now. As long as his companions didn’t see the orgasmic pleasure on his face as he dispatched their numerous enemies. Sometimes his victims saw the truth. He could tell by the look in their eyes, as in their last moments, they saw into the places in his soul that he hid so well.

It was necessary he would say, trying to appear disgusted at the thought of killing.

Sometimes there would be blood on his hands, rich, deep, burgundy blood. Those were the moments that he savoured. He would excuse himself with “I’ll go clean up” and inwardly smirk at their understanding looks. He would lick his long fingers clean, moving his tongue slowly, lovingly, tasting the remains of life. A sensual, private masturbation of sorts – so much more fulfilling than the conventional kind.

He didn’t know how long he could keep up the act. How long before he revealed too much of himself.

He didn’t know if he wanted to hide anymore.