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Title: Poppies Author: Flatkatsi Email: flatkatsi@optusnet.com.au Status: Complete Category: Hurt/Comfort, Angst Pairing: None Spoilers: None Rating: PG13 Season: Six Sequel to No Man's Land and A Slow Step Forward Content Warnings: Language File Size: 61kb Summary: Jack must fight his demons Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Author's Note: With many thanks to Kelly and Jackie for their help.
"We have a few issues to iron out, Colonel". The General's voice was firm. Jack squirmed under the intense scrutiny. "Yes, General." The Colonel shifted in his seat. "Issues" was an understatement! "Firstly, I expect you to report to the infirmary for an examination." Jack felt himself tense. With an effort he managed to keep his tone neutral. "Is that absolutely necessary, Sir. After all you do have my complete medical file from the Academy Hospital." The General looked sharply at the Colonel. "Yes, Colonel, it is absolutely necessary. Doctor Frasier has been your Doctor for six years and she is in a much better position to appraise me as to your fitness for duty. You will report to her as soon as you leave this office." "Yes, Sir," snapped Colonel O'Neill sitting up straighter in his chair. General Hammond looked at his Second in Command. He appeared fit and well. Apart from the patch over his right eye, no one should have been able to tell that he had spent the last weeks in hospital. However, it was obvious to the General that Jack was still not completely himself. "To go on, Colonel. We must also address the drug issue." Jack could feel himself becoming anxious. General Hammond was the only person, outside of his doctors, that knew about the addiction to painkillers that had been an unfortunate side effect of his injury. He couldn't imagine that the General would agree to him returning to duty under the circumstances. "I am prepared to allow you to return to limited duties," the General continued. "Naturally you will be unable to go on off world missions." He paused. "I am only prepared to do this, Jack, if you can give me your assurance that you will be able to perform your duties completely as normal. If I see any sign that the drugs are effecting your work, I will have to re-evaluate the situation." Jack was puzzled. He hadn't expected this. He had come to the General's office this morning expecting to be told to take indefinite leave. "The personnel of this facility need you, son. Without you here it is as if everyone is just going through the motions. The Stargate program is here because of you. Earth is here because of you. I have spoken with the President" Jack was startled. "And he agrees that, given the circumstances, you should continue to act as my Second in Command while you recover. Jack sat, opened mouthed. General Hammond stood and circled his desk to stand next to him. "Sir!" Jack leaped to his feet. "Are you sure?" "I can't think of anyone that I am surer of, Jack. None of this was your doing and I don't intend to see you punished for it." He turned and spoke into the intercom on his desk. "Sergeant, bring in the reports that I asked you to set aside." "You can begin with reading through these mission reports and highlighting any items that you feel need to be brought to my attention. After that, there are several administrative forms that need to be completed within the next few days." Jack gave a wry smile. "So I am being punished, Sir. You intend to cover me in a blanket of paperwork." "Paperwork couldn't cover you, Jack," the General laughed. "You will always manage to rise above it." He gave the Colonel a slight pat on the shoulder. "It's good to have you back, son." ----------------------- Doctor Janet Frasier sat tensely in her office. She hadn't been able to relax since the General had informed her of his plans for Colonel O'Neill. She knew that he was scheduled to arrive for a check up at any moment and she was worried. Janet wasn't sure that the General's decision was correct. The Colonel had been acting irrationally in the hospital and had refused to see her since just after his last eye operation. She knew that he was still extremely angry with her and blamed her for his addiction. Janet felt that she had not only lost his confidence, but also that she had lost his friendship, something that she had treasured over these last years. She hoped that she could regain his trust. "Doctor Frasier, the Colonel is here." One of her nurses smiled as she poked her head around the office door. Although her staff found the Colonel a difficult patient to handle, they still liked him and had missed his regular visits. "Thank you, Nurse. Please ask him to come into my office" As the tall figure of the Colonel entered she stood. "Sir." "Doctor," came the cold response. "Let's just get this over with as quickly as possible shall we? I have a lot of work to catch up on." Janet took a deep breath. "Firstly, Sir, we must review the dosage of the drugs that you are taking and assess the effects of reducing them. We will have to monitor those effects and also monitor your eye's healing process. This will mean that you will have to be examined by me every three days. Is that acceptable, Sir?" "It will have to be, won't it Doctor. It isn't like I have a choice in the matter" Colonel O'Neill answered bitterly. "Now, can we begin?" Janet felt herself tremble slightly. "Alright, Sir. Let's start." ----------------- Jack made his way to the cafeteria. He had been back on base for several hours now and, apart from the medical exam, hadn't left his office. He had applied himself to the General's paper work with a diligence that had surprised even himself. If this was what it took to convince the General that he was OK, then so be it. Major Carter, Teal'c and Jonas Quinn had dropped in at least three times each and finally he had agreed to meet for coffee. Maybe if they saw that he really was back they would leave him to get on with his work. "Colonel!" He hadn't stepped more than two feet into the cafeteria before the excited voice of Jonas reached him. "We're over here." "Hey, Jonas! I can see that." He began to walk to the table where his team sat. Only a few people occupied the cafeteria. Most looked up and smiled as he walked by. Major Ferretti, the leader of SG2 waved happily at him. "Good to see you, Colonel!" He grinned. "Forgot your parrot?" "I knew that you couldn't miss the opportunity, Lou. Good to see you too." Jack gave Ferretti a small wave, He reached the table and sat down. "Why did Major Ferretti ask about a parrot, O'Neill? Have you acquired a pet since last I spoke to you?" Teal'c's puzzled inquiry brought a smile to Jack's face. Sam sniggered, " Lou was referring to the Colonel's eye patch, Teal'c. Most people associate eye patches with pirates" "Did the laws of these pirates make them wear eye patches, Major?" Jonas was plainly confused. "Or were they susceptible to eye injuries because of their occupation?" Jack sat back and relaxed as Carter tried to explain to the two aliens the concepts of pirates, eye patches and parrots. He could feel the tension of the last hours leave him. "Do you want a coffee, Sir? I'll get it for you." Major Carter asked. "Thanks, Carter. I'd appreciate that." Jack was grateful for the offer. He found that he still tired very easily. "OK, Sir. Coming right up." Sam was feeling happy. The team were together again and everything was getting back to normal. She put the Colonel's coffee next to him and sat back down. She glanced over at Jonas and saw that he was grinning like an idiot. Even Teal'c was looking a little pleased! Jack took the cup in his right hand. The hot coffee sloshed over the rim as his hand shook violently. He quickly placed it back on the table and looked up to see the others watching him worriedly. "Are you OK, Colonel?" Jack could hear the concern in Jonas's voice. "Yeah, sure. Just a bit tired. I think that I'll go to my quarters and get a little rest before tackling the wonderful pleasure of the weekly pencil requisition forms." He stood, leaving the coffee undrunk. "I'll see you all later, OK?" "Would you like me to accompany you, O'Neill" Teal'c asked, unable to conceal his concern "No thanks, Teal'c." Jack could feel his team's eyes on him as he walked slowly from the room. His eye was beginning to ache and he could feel himself beginning to drift before he had even reached his quarters. He glanced at the clock as he lay down. He should have taken his medication two hours ago. He had felt sure that he could stretch out the time between doses by a little each day. There was no way that Jack O'Neill was going to be doped up if he could help it! He lay sweating on top of the covers. "Shit!" Jack sat up and held a hand to his aching eye. He looked towards the desk draw in which he had locked the despised medication. "Shit! Shit! Shit" he muttered as he groped his way to the desk. He shook two tablets from the bottle and swallowed them dry. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. ________________ Colonel O'Neill sat at his office desk, staring listlessly at the papers in front of him. The enthusiasm with which he had started the previous week, had gradually seeped away under an onslaught of headaches and pain whenever he delayed taking his medication. He refused to talk to Janet about it, answering her enquiries with monosyllables until she gave up and just got him out of her infirmary as quickly as possible. He knew that his team was concerned, but he was determined to regain control of his own health without his kids needing to know that he was ever addicted to drugs . The pencil that he was holding snapped as he shifted it restlessly in his hands. It was just so much harder than he thought that it would be. His thoughts drifted again. He could feel his eyes beginning to shut as the lethargy took hold once more. Mentally giving himself a sharp shake, Jack rose and made his way to the General's office. "I would like to request leave, Sir." General Hammond had become increasingly concerned about Jack. It hadn't escaped his attention that he had retreated into himself, cutting himself off from his team once more. "Sit down, Jack. Tell me what the problem is?" Perhaps if he could get the Colonel to talk he could find a solution. "Nothing that time off base can't solve, General,' Jack answered stubbornly. "I need some time to myself." "To do what, Jack?" Now the General was really concerned. At least while Jack was on base he could keep an eye on him. Jack took a deep breath. "I think that we both know that this really isn't working, General. I should never have come back to work until I had sorted myself out." "You shouldn't need to sort yourself out, son. That's what the doctors are for." "It was the damn doctors that caused the problem in the first place!" The bitterness in Jack's voice was unmistakable. The General could see that it was pointless trying to reason with the man. The Colonel was an intensely private person and Hammond could understand his anger and frustration. He only hoped that he was making the right decision. "Very well, Colonel O'Neill. You may begin your leave immediately. But I expect you to see Doctor Frasier on a regular basis." "It would be much easier for me to visit the Academy Hospital, General" General Hammond sighed. "Alright, Colonel. If that is what you prefer. Just make sure that you do visit the hospital." Then he continued. "Have you thought about what you will tell Major Carter and the others?" "I'll go talk to them now, Sir. I'll worry about what I am going to say when I find them." Jack gave an uncomfortable shake of his head. "They won't be happy, whatever I tell them." ------------- Sam, Teal'c and Jonas sat in Sam's lab. They had taken to meeting there over the past few days as it was private and they could discuss the Colonel without interruption. Sam had tried to talk to Janet about their concerns for the Colonel's health, but every time that she had tried, Janet had changed the subject. She knew that Janet gave the Colonel a medical exam regularly, but he didn't seem to be getting any better. He looked tired and strained, barely left his office and took meals in his quarters. When they had tried talking to him, he had uncharacteristically become angry. There was something that he wasn't telling them. A tall figure opened the lab door. "Hi Guys. I thought that I'd find you here. Can I have a word?" Jack moved further into the room and stood waiting. "Certainly, O'Neill. We would welcome your company." Teal'c's reply filled the silence. "Sure, Sir. Take a seat." Sam was surprised to see the Colonel. He looked like he had something on his mind. "Thanks Carter." Jack sank gratefully into the chair. "I'm sorry that I haven't seen much of you guys lately." He paused and continued. "And I'm sorry for being short with you the other day. I just came by to tell you that I'm taking leave as of now. I need to get some real rest and I can't do that here." "We will drive you home, O'Neill." "I'll stop by the store and get you some groceries, Sir" "Would you like some company, Colonel? We could bring pizzas over tonight." Jack grinned at the barrage of offers. "I'll take you up on that offer of a ride, Teal'c, but then I just think that I'm going to sleep for days. I'll get some food in later." He smiled. "Thanks for the show of concern, kids. I'll be OK, back to my normal loveable self in no time." ----------------- Jack O'Neill sat miserably in front of his television set. He felt like he had done nothing but sweat since he had got home. His attempts to reduce the drugs had completely failed, because whenever he tried the headaches made him throw up and left him shaking and sick. He knew that he should visit his specialist at the Academy Hospital but was determined to do this on his own. Those damn doctors couldn't be trusted not to put him back on the injections that he had been given in the hospital if they knew the trouble that he was having. No Ð he would never trust a doctor again! He stood and paced restlessly. Should he take another dose? He couldn't remember how long it had been since he had taken the last one. It felt like hours. It must be time for the next one. With shaking hands, Jack grabbed the bottle and shook out a tablet. --------------------- The kids stood behind the old house, passing the joint backwards and forwards between themselves. Jack had been watching them from his observation deck since the first day that he had returned home. They weren't very old, two looked to be only ten or eleven and the other three just a couple of years older. It was obvious what they were up to and Colonel O'Neill didn't like it one little bit! The kids had seen him. They looked up, conferred with each other and approached the back of his house. "Stop watching us, man!" The youngest looking girl seemed to be the most confident. "Just leave us alone." "You kids shouldn't be trying drugs," Jack growled. "I'll give you a chance. If you go home now and I don't see you here again, I won't call the police or your parents." "Did your dealer lose your address, mister?" One of the older boys laughed derisively. "We can give you some names if you want." "Yeah, you can't tell us what to do! Why don't you call the police? We can tell them plenty about you." The others joined in.
"You've been watching us. We've been watching you!" Who was he kidding? Jack thought as he sat with his head in his hands. He was the last person to be giving those kids advice! That was it! No more! Colonel O'Neill strode forward, took up the bottle of pills and threw them at the wall. He turned on the television and sat watching some moronic talk show. He just needed to take his mind off the headaches. ___________ "Sam?" Janet Frasier called softly as she entered Major Carter's lab. "Are you in here?" "Over here, Janet." Sam was pleased to see her friend. Janet had been avoiding her and Sam had been very worried. She knew that it had something to do with the argument between Janet and the Colonel and Sam wanted to help. "How are you, Janet? I haven't seen you for a while." Janet hesitated from a moment. "Can I ask you a question, Sam? It's about Colonel O'Neill" "Sure, ask away." "Have you seen or spoken to the Colonel since he went on leave?" Sam could hear the concern in her friend's voice. "We visited him last week, but he seemed very tired and said that he was thinking of going up to his cabin to get away for a while. Jonas offered to go with him, but he told us that he didn't want any company. I haven't heard from him since, so I assumed that he had left for the mountains." "He can't have gone to his cabin, Sam." Janet knew that she had been right to talk to Sam. "He was meant to be having regular check ups at the Academy Hospital. They just contacted me. He hasn't seen them for over three weeks. They assumed that he was still seeing me." The hurt look returned to Janet's eyes. "But he refused to let me treat him, Sam." Sam reached over and put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "It's obvious that you two have had a serious argument, Janet, but surely the Colonel wouldn't let an argument effect his health?" Janet laughed bitterly. "I'm afraid that that's just what he is doing, Sam. The Colonel can be a very stubborn man when he wants to be. He doesn't forgive easily." "Why don't we go over now and see if he is home," Sam suggested. Now she was beginning to worry. "I think that it would be better if you took Teal'c and Jonas with you, Sam. I don't think that the Colonel would be pleased to have me turning up on his doorstep. If he's home, don't tell him that you talked to me." Janet found herself unable to stop a tear from falling on to her cheek. Sam gave her a quick hug. "OK, Janet. I don't know what the problem is between you and the Colonel, but I'm positive that you can both get past it. I don't want my friends not talking to each other." She gave Janet a slight shake. "Now stop worrying. I'll go get the others and we'll call you after we see the Colonel." ------------------- Jack heard the footsteps approaching his front door. The loud knock made him look up from where he lay on the couch. Maybe whoever it was would go away if he ignored them. He shut his eyes and drew his knees up protectively into his stomach. The knocking came again, this time accompanied by a shout of "O'Neill. It is I, Teal'c. I am here with JoansQuinn and MajorCarter. Are you within?" Oh God! He couldn't think straight! What should he do? Tell them to go away? Ignore them? Shit! Jack dragged himself off the couch and stumbled to the door. "What do you want?" He clung to the edge of the doorframe and glared at his team. They starred back at him in shock. Without asking for permission, Teal'c pushed the door wide and grabbed the Colonel as he fell forward. "Sorry. A little dizzy here. I just need to lie down again." "Sir, it's obviously more than just a little dizziness." Sam was stunned by her leader's appearance. His uncovered eye was blood shot and his hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat. He looked like he hadn't eaten or slept for days. With Teal'c's help the Colonel was soon in his bed. Jonas went and got a damp cloth and wiped his face gently. He glanced up at the others. Sam stood, seemingly frozen by her CO's condition. Teal'c had a frown of puzzlement on his face. "We should call Doctor Frasier." Jonas broke the tense silence. With a sudden movement, Sam reached for the phone near the bed. "Janet, it's Sam. You were right. He was still at his house. You better get over here as quickly as possible." She paused, listened for a moment and continued. "He's sweating and looks terrible. Do you know what's wrong with him, Janet?" Sam frowned slightly as the answer to her question was given. She hung up the phone and looked up at her teammates. "What was Doctor Frasier's advice, MajorCarter?" Teal'c asked. "She said that she would be here straight away. I think that she knows what's wrong with the Colonel, but she wouldn't tell me. She said that it was up to him." Sam gave the man on the bed a puzzled stare. "If it wasn't the Colonel, I would think that I was looking at someone suffering from drug withdrawal. But that's plainly ridiculous." "Too clever for your own good, that's the trouble with you, Major." Jack's voice was weak but clear. He was shivering uncontrollably. "Even Jack O'Neill has his dirty little secrets. Are you shocked?" Sam turned pale. The venom in the Colonel's voice stunned her. Teal'c's matter of fact tones once again caught her attention. "I am sure that if that is the case, then there is a very good reason for it. You are not the sort of man to give in to such things, ColonelO'Neill" Jonas looked lost. "I don't understand what is wrong with the Colonel. Is it his eye injury?" he asked. If that is what it was, why did Major Carter look so upset? He hadn't seen anything like this before. "You have read in the reports of our past missions, of DanielJackson's addiction to the Goual'd sarcophagus. This is similar except that the addiction is caused by a drug of some sort used by the Tau'ri." "But why didn't the Colonel tell us? Why didn't he let us help him?" Jonas still did not completely understand. The Colonel had helped him after the last mission, why did he hide his own problems? "The important thing is that we can help him now, JonasQuinn." ___________ When Doctor Frasier arrived at the Colonel's house, she was greeted by an agitated and angry Major Carter. "What's going on, Janet? Why didn't you tell me?" Janet frowned. "I take it that the Colonel has told you about his problem." "No. He hasn't, but it certainly didn't take much intelligence to work it out once we saw him. How long has this been going on, Janet? Just how long have you known?" Sam was furious with her friend. "I didn't tell you, Sam, because it wasn't my secret to tell. Only the General and I were aware of the problem and it was Colonel O'Neill's decision to keep it that way." Janet couldn't help trying to excuse herself to Sam. She felt enough guilt as it was. She started up the stairs. "Now, I have to see to my patient." As she entered the room she felt Colonel O'Neill's gaze on her. She steeled herself and crossed to the bed. "How are you feeling, Sir?' She spoke gently as she began to examine him. His pulse was rapid and his temperature above normal. She didn't get any answer to her question. Jack just lay shivering. Doctor Frasier looked down at Colonel O'Neill with concern. It wasn't just the obvious signs of withdrawal that worried her, it was the appearance of his right eye. She had removed the patch to find it looking red and sore. She reached for the IV equipment that she had brought with her. As she readied the needle she felt a weak touch of a hand on her own. "What are you doing, Doc?" Jack managed to stutter out the few words. "What are you giving me?' "I have to reduce the effects of you withdrawing from the drugs so rapidly, sir. To do that I have to administer some pain killers through an IV." "No!" Jack grabbed at her angrily. "I don't want any more fucking drugs. Don't you understand?" "I am sure that the Doctor knows what is best, O'Neill. Allow her to do her job." Teal'c watched closely from the head of the bed. "Yeah, right! Sure! Just great, Doc. Give me more drugs. It's all you seem to want to do, isn't it?" Sam looked at Janet incredulously. "Was that what the argument was about between you and the Colonel, Janet?" "Yes, Major. It was exactly that." Janet spoke stiffly. " I gave Colonel O'Neill the drugs when he needed them to control extreme pain. When he recovered sufficiently I told him about the situation and that the drugs would have to be withdrawn from his system gradually because of his continuing health problems. He did not agree with the need for the medication at all." She placed a hand on Jack's shoulder. "Now you can see the results." Jack's arms ached. His legs ached. Every bone in his body ached. He wanted to lie still and ease the pain but his muscles wouldn't obey. His legs moved uncontrollably under the sheets. "I think that you had all better wait downstairs. I'll call you when I have finished examining the Colonel." Janet spoke firmly, ushering the rest of SG1 out of the room. Jack watched as she inserted the IV. He felt the effects immediately as his muscles relaxed. He lay for a moment, taking deep shuddering breaths and then shut his eyes. "I'm sorry, Colonel, but I had to do that. Your body needs to recover." Janet gulped and continued, "I'm so sorry!" Jack fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. __________________ Jack could hear soft sobbing as he woke, feeling better than he had done in weeks. He opened his eyes and looked into the Doctor's face. Rivers of tears were rolling down over her cheeks as she fought to control herself. He reached out and took her hand. "Hey, Janet" "Hey yourself, Sir." Jack pulled Janet to him, hugging her across his chest. "I'm sorry too, Doc. I was just really angry, with myself as well as you." He shut his eyes again and held her as she cried. _______________________ Colonel Jack O'Neill sat uneasily in General Hammond's office. The General was looking up at him appraisingly. "According to your medical report, you are completely recovered from your injuries and Doctor Frasier has passed you as fit for full duties." The General smiled and leaned forward. "It's good to have you back, son." "It's good to be back, Sir. For a while there I didn't think that I'd make it." The Colonel gave a wry smile. "I hope that you've kept some of those reports for me to read, or even some of those fascinating requisition forms for me to complete. I did so miss them." "I think that we can do better than that, Jack." The General laughed. "I've got my 2IC back in full working order and I intend to make maximum use of his talents. Perhaps a diplomatic mission to the Tok'ra to begin with." "Very amusing, General! Very droll." Jack hesitated for a moment and then asked, "Sir, that planet where this whole thing started. You know, PSNever Going There Again?" "Yes. Jack. What about it?" "Were you ever able to send a MALP back through?" Jack would never be able to forget the image of acres of mud and slush, the sound of the shells falling and the hideous smell of death. "Yes, Jack, we did. We managed to dial that address again a short time after you and Jonas returned. We sent a MALP through." General Hammond had a look that Jack could only interpret as incredulity. "What was there, General? The field of wheat that Major Carter saw when she first sent it through?" "I could have understood it if that had been the case, Jack. We could have put the whole thing down to a simple misdial. No, there was a field, but not of wheat. It was a field of poppies. Blood red poppies as far as the eye could see." The End
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