Title: Rain Author: Kazza Email: kazzak999@hotmail.com Story Status: Complete Sequel/Series Info: None Season: Two Spoilers: None Categories: Hurt/Comfort, Angst Pairing: None Rating: PG Content Warning: Minor character death Summary: Jack receives devastating news Archive Permissions: Jackfic, Incoming Wormhole Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only File Size: 53KB Authors Notes: My first ever Jackfic.
Rain by Kazza
Why did it always rain at funerals? A simple question – but one that he knew would never be answered. Standing under the shelter of a large oak tree, he watched the sad and sombre scene across the way, where a large group of people were gathered at a graveside, their eyes fixed firmly on the casket being gently lowered into the ground. As it completed its short journey, they stepped forward, one by one, to drop flowers into the grave before drifting quietly away, returning to the cars that would take them to his former home. There they would talk about the life of Sara O’Neill. A life cut so tragically short. When he was sure that everyone had left, he slowly made his way down to the foot of the freshly dug grave. He hardly felt the rain as it began to beat down on his bared head, and soak through the cloth of his uniform. His attention was too resolutely set on the grave of the woman who had once been his wife. The only woman he had ever loved. The woman who had meant the world to him. Who was now lost to this world forever. His eyes flickered to the adjacent headstone, engraved with the name of his son, and his age when his life, too, had been cut so dreadfully short. He recalled how adamant Sara had been that she wanted to be buried next to her son. Now she had been granted her wish. With tears mixing with the pouring rain on his face, he knelt down next to the open grave and dropped one perfect white rose onto the top of the casket. “Look after Charlie, Sara.” He climbed wearily to his feet and slowly walked away. A man bowed by pain, and sorrow, and loss.
* “I knew he was up to something!” Janet Fraiser glared angrily at the empty bed in the corner of the infirmary. Daniel looked at her quizzically. “Why?” “Because he was being too damned co-operative.” She shook her head. “How could I have been so stupid?” A nurse hovered behind them, clearing her throat to catch the doctor’s attention. Janet looked her impatiently. “What is it, Julie?” The nurse said uncertainly, “You asked about anything unusual concerning Colonel O’Neill? Well, Major Carter brought some mail in for the Colonel a couple of days ago. I was on duty and . . . ” she looked uncomfortable, “ . . . something upset him. He didn’t seem himself at all. Later on he gave me his mail and requested that it be left in the desk drawer in his office.” She looked worried. “Did I do wrong?” ”No, Julie, of course not.” Janet and Daniel looked at each other with understanding, before heading for O’Neill’s office. Jack had asked for the mail to be put in his desk because there was something in it he was afraid to leave around in the infirmary, in case someone else read it, however unlikely that was. In his desk drawer it was as secure as he could make it. The question was – what had he been so keen to hide? It didn’t take Janet long to find the mail, and the likely culprit amongst the junk mail, and the bills. She looked at the envelope. “It’s handwritten.” Daniel’s brow furrowed in curiosity. “Are you doing to read it?” “It’s our only lead to where the Colonel is. So, yes.” Janet looked at him as if daring him to challenge her. “Daniel, the Colonel wasn’t well enough to leave the infirmary, and the sooner he’s back here the happier I’ll be.” She opened the envelope and pulled the letter out. After reading the first few lines she gave a small gasp. “Janet?” Daniel’s curiosity had vanished to be replaced with concern. “What is it?” Janet wordlessly handed him the letter.
* His legs failed him and he sank down onto a bench in the Memorial Garden. The cold, biting rain had long ago soaked through his uniform, and he was shivering violently. But he hardly noticed. He was lost in memories of a young woman’s face. Recalling expressions, and the situations that had accompanied them. Excitement, laughter, desire, and love. Happiness, joy, wonder, and pleasure. So much shared. So much shattered. So much lost. ‘It is better to have loved, and lost, than never to have loved at all.’ Was it?
* Hammond closed the lid on his laptop as Daniel burst into his office closely followed by Janet. “Dr Jackson, Dr Fraiser. I assume that you have located Colonel O’Neill?” Daniel shook his head. “Not yet, sir, but we know why he left.” He put the letter down on the desk in front of the General. “Sir, his ex-wife died.” Hammond’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?” Janet stepped forward. “This letter was from Sara O’Neill’s father. He’d been trying to contact the Colonel to break the news to him, but . . . well, the Colonel was on P3X 224, and then in the infirmary.’ She looked at the General, and he nodded. O’Neill hadn’t been home for some time. The mission had been an extended reconnaissance, which had turned into a fire fight with a Goa’uld scouting party, during which the Colonel had been injured. He hadn’t been in any position to receive personal messages recently. Janet picked up the letter and scanned its contents, ‘He didn’t want to just leave a message on the Colonel’s answering machine, so he put it in a letter and hand delivered it to the Colonel’s home. Major Carter went by his home a couple of days ago, before going off world with SG-7, and brought him his mail, thus unintentionally delivering him the bad news.” Hammond scowled. “And naturally, as usual, the Colonel kept things to himself?” “Yes, sir.” Janet sighed. “The funeral was being held today which is why we suspect that Colonel O’Neill left of his own accord.” She hesitated before continuing. “Although his injuries are not life threatening, he should still be in the infirmary. A staff weapon burn shouldn’t be taken lightly.” Hammond nodded. “Agreed, Doctor, so I guess that you and Dr Jackson should go get him.”
* Daniel got back into the car, wiped the rain from his face and took a deep breath. “Well that wasn’t fun.” Janet, sitting in the driver’s seat, drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “I take it he’s not there?” She glanced across the street at the house where people were coming and going, all wearing sombre expressions. “Nope.” He sank back in his seat. “Guess that I should have changed my clothes.” His fingers plucked the navy fatigues. “I think it’s safe to say that no one saw Jack. Judging by the comments that were made when they saw my uniform the military’s not very popular around here.” Janet turned the key in the ignition. “Then I guess we go to the cemetery.” Turning the wheel, she stepped on the gas and the car pulled away.
* He knew that he should move. Go back to the infirmary. Face the music. But he couldn’t. It was hard to explain how he was feeling. The numbness that wasn’t just caused by the chilling rain. More the utter feeling of desolation and loneliness. Seeping deep down into his soul.
* “He can’t be here, Daniel.” Janet drove slowly through the vast cemetery for the third time. “If he was he’d be at the graveside.” Daniel shook his head stubbornly. “I know Jack, he’s going to be here somewhere.” He peered out of the window through the pouring rain. “I just know.” Janet sighed and concentrated on driving, leaving Daniel to look out across the green expanse. If Jack was still in the cemetery then he was going to be in serious trouble. The chilling rain wouldn’t be doing him any good and on top of . . . She slammed on the brakes suddenly, and Daniel muttered a curse as the seatbelt almost strangled him. “Janet!” But she wasn’t listening to him. Hardly taking the time to switch the car engine off, she unsnapped her seatbelt and was gone before Daniel barely realised she was moving. Shaking his head, he scrambled out of the car and gave chase. “Janet!” She threw a quick glance over her shoulder. “Daniel, I can see him! Get my bag and a blanket from the car!”
* He was vaguely aware of someone approaching but he didn’t have the energy to lift his head up.
* “Colonel?” Janet crouched down in front of him, her hands automatically going to his. “Colonel, it’s Janet.” She could feel how cold his hands were and noted the blue tinge to his nailbeds. “Can you look at me?” After what seemed like an eternity, he raised his head slightly and she felt like crying. His normally expressive chocolate brown eyes were blank and lifeless, his lips were blue from the cold, and he wore an expression of complete devastation. Resisting the urge to envelope him in a hug, she began rubbing his hands in an attempt to get the circulation flowing again. Moments later Daniel arrived and expertly wrapped him up in a thermal blanket and, unusually for the linguist, stayed silent whilst Janet attempted to communicate with Jack. “Sir, why don’t we go to the car and get out of the rain?” She stopped rubbing his hands and gently encouraged him to his feet, her worry deepening when he didn’t resist, and seemed to show no real understanding of what was happening to him. Seeing that he was unsteady the two of them carefully bookended him as they slowly made their way back to the car, and maneuvered him into the back seat. Janet got in next to him, indicating that Daniel should drive. She then turned her attention to her patient. “Okay, Colonel, I’m just going to check you over.” She retrieved her stethoscope from her bag and was about to listen to his breathing as Daniel started the car. The noise seemed to bring Jack back to reality. “Where’re we going?” His voice was flat, and completely devoid of emotion. Janet put the stethoscope down. “Back the SGC. We need to get you back into bed, sir.” “No.” He shook his head. “Sir, your injuries are still healing, and this hasn’t helped.” She indicated to his wet clothing. As another bout of shivering hit him, he looked at her with an expression as close to pleading as she had ever seen in his eyes. “I just want to . . . go home.” Janet felt her breath catch as she met his gaze. She knew that the Colonel was an intensely private person, and if the worst place in his mind, right now, was the infirmary where he wouldn’t get the privacy that he probably craved, then perhaps she could bend the rules just a little bit. After all, ‘home’ was actually closer than the SGC. Breaking away from his gaze, she leaned forward and tapped Daniel on his shoulder. “Daniel, let’s take the Colonel home.”
*
Having stripped Jack of his wet uniform, Daniel left him standing under a hot shower whilst he went in search of dry clothes. Downstairs he could hear Janet on the telephone. He assumed she was explaining the situation, and her decision, to General Hammond. Locating a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and a towel, he returned to the bathroom, where Jack was still standing under the shower as if dazed. “Jack?” Daniel said, quietly. He reached for the controls and switched off the water. “Come on, Jack. Time to get out.” He draped the large towel around his friend’s shoulders, and guided the largely unresponsive man out of the shower. “I’ve got dry clothes,” Daniel said, trying not to notice that Jack was still shivering, and doing nothing but standing with the towel wrapped closely around him, like a comfort blanket. “Let’s get you dry, and then Janet wants you to go to bed.” Jack nodded slightly but made no attempt to move. He looked at Daniel with such hopelessness on his face. “Daniel . . .” Daniel moved forward, “Come on.” He said it softly taking hold of Jack’s arm, leading him out of the bathroom and into the master bedroom. Sitting him down on the edge of the bed, he returned quickly to the bathroom, snagged another towel and then hurried back to Jack’s side. Within minutes he’d got Jack dry, into his sweats and had the Colonel lying in bed swathed in warm blankets. “Daniel,” Janet appeared in the doorway carrying her medical bag. “Why don’t you see if you can rustle up some hot tea?” She moved into the room. “I need to check the Colonel over.” Daniel nodded, flashed Jack a small smile, and then hurried out of the room.
* “There doesn’t seem to be any further damage to your shoulder.” Janet finished redressing the burn. “Which is something, I suppose.” She rested her hand on his chest. “Still feeling cold?” He nodded fractionally, and she pulled the blankets up tightly around him. “Sir, why didn’t you tell me?” She noticed him stiffen and he dropped his eyes away from her. “I would have tried to help.” He shifted and slowly turned away, his back now facing her. With a sigh, knowing that she couldn’t force the issue, she got up from the bed. “I’ll go and check on that tea.”
*
“He never stopped loving her, you know.” Daniel poured the tea and looked at Janet, who was now sitting at the kitchen table. “If Charlie hadn’t died they would still have been together.” He pushed a mug towards her. “To find out from a letter that she had been killed in a car accident, I can imagine that it’s torn him apart.” He sat down opposite her. “Just like when I found out about Sha’re.” Janet reached over and placed her hand over his and he managed a small smile. “Jack can’t wear his heart on his sleeve, Daniel, and if you think that he’ll sob into your arms, then you’re going to be disappointed.” He sucked a breath in as he listened. “Jack, as you well know, has reacted like a wounded animal, creeping away to an isolated spot where he can lick his wounds and deal with the pain. After a while he’ll emerge, and get on with life, but a piece of him won’t be the same again.” He took a shaky sip of his tea, as Janet ended, “And we will just sit on the edge and let him get on with it.” She leaned back in her chair, as Daniel shook his head, and looked at her miserably. “So what you’re saying is that unless he asks for help, we do nothing?” Janet nodded, mutely.
* Sleeping wasn’t an option but he was damned if he was going to let them know that. God, what had Sara done to deserve what had happened to her? She’d met and married a man who spent more time away than he did with her. A man who left his gun lying around for her son to kill himself with. A man who then left her to grieve on her own while he tried to kill himself. She’d finally found the strength to put that man behind her, and moved on with her life. She’d found a man who loved and respected her, and with whom she’d had a daughter she loved and cherished . . .only to have the bright future she deserved taken away by a teenage boy who had been trying to impress his girlfriend by speeding in his Dad’s brand new car. Damn it! He rolled over, ignoring the pain the movement caused in his shoulder. He had heard the creak of the stair as someone reached the top of the stairway and he closed his eyes. He heard the snick of the catch as someone quietly opened the door and entered the bedroom, could hear the soft footsteps as they approached the bed. He kept his breathing slow and even, his eyes closed, and after a couple of minutes whoever it was left again, closing the door behind them. Counting to five, he opened his eyes and scowled. Why the hell wouldn’t they just get the hell out of his house? He knew they meant well. Knew they cared. It was just that he didn’t want to accept those things. Because that would mean acknowledging why he needed them. Acknowledging what he hadn’t come to terms with yet. Acknowledging that Sara was gone. Forever.
* “He’s pretending to be asleep.” Daniel sat back down at the kitchen table which they had occupied for the last four hours. “Trust me, I’ve shared enough tents with that guy to know when he’s faking it.” Janet glanced at her watch. “Which means that he probably hasn’t slept at all.” She got to her feet. “Well, it’s time that he and I had a talk about . . .” “About you both leaving.” They both visibly jumped, and looked round to find Jack standing in the doorway. “Sir!” Janet started towards him only to falter when he shot her an angry look. “I want you both to leave.” His eyes were hooded, flashing angrily. “I don’t remember asking you to stay.”
“Sir, you’re sick and you need to be in . . . ” Jack held his hand up and cut Janet off. “I’m fine! In fact I’m more than fine.” The voice was laced with heavy sarcasm. “Today has been one hell of a peachy day. So much so, that all I really want to do is spend a little time on my own.” Daniel stood up. “You know that we can’t leave you.” “And why is that, Dannyboy?” Jack turned on him. “Afraid I’ll do something stupid? I’m a grown man and I am perfectly capable of looking after myself these days.” “I’m not disputing that, Jack, but you did go AWOL from the infirmary and you were in there for a reason.” Daniel wasn’t backing down, and the tension in the kitchen was increasing. “Jeez, Daniel, when will you ever learn to let it drop?” Jack’s face was flushed as he stepped forward angrily. “When did everyone start to think they know what’s best for me?” He was now standing face to face with Daniel. “I’m sick of it! So before I do something we’ll regret I suggest you leave.” Jack couldn’t help it. He just wanted to be alone. Accepting help, accepting comfort, was just something that he found so hard. It meant admitting weakness. And that was not something that Jack O’Neill did lightly. Daniel took in the glazed eyes and the sweat on his friend’s face, and shook his head. “No, Jack, because, believe it or not, you need us now.” Jack hissed, clenching his fists and, for a minute, Janet thought that he was going to hit Daniel. But then, as if in slow motion, he folded over in front of them. Daniel, having seen the signs, was ready, and caught hold of his friend before he hit the floor. “Janet?” “Let’s get him back to bed.” She stood to one side as he struggled to pick Jack up over his shoulder and then followed them back up the stairs.
* When Jack woke next it was dark and as he moved he felt the familiar tug of an IV in his hand. He gave a resigned sigh and let his eyes drift to the IV stand, expecting any minute for a nurse to appear in his line of sight. But as his eyes became accustomed to the dark he realised that he was in his own bed and feeling a lot better than he had in a while. Pulling himself up into a sitting position, he remembered shouting at Daniel and Janet in the kitchen but everything after that was a blank.
* Janet had left close to midnight with the promise that she would be back in the morning after Daniel had reassured her that he’d call her if there were any problems with the stubborn invalid. He then made himself up a bed on the couch but, unable to sleep, was currently flicking through one of Jack’s hockey magazines. At one o’clock on the morning he heard the bed upstairs creak.
* “Jack?” Daniel whispered his name as he quietly entered the room. “You okay?”
Jack leaned back against the headboard and nodded. “Yeah.” The anger had gone, to be replaced with defeat. Relieved that Jack wasn’t shouting, Daniel sat down on the edge of bed in the darkness. “You were dehydrated and running a slight temperature, that’s why Janet put the IV in. She’ll be by in the morning to remove it.” He hesitated, not quite knowing how to say what he wanted to say. “Look, with everything that’s happened . . .I just want you to know that . . . I’m really sorry . . . about Sara.” There, he’d said it. Jack was quiet and for a moment Daniel thought he wasn’t going to respond. Shaking his head he went to get up, when Jack’s hand caught hold of his arm. “Daniel.” Daniel sat back down, and waited. Jack took a long breath, and prepared to bare some of his feelings. Daniel deserved that he should make an effort, after the way he’d acted yesterday. “I know you mean well …both you and Janet, and I appreciate what you did. By rights I was AWOL and Janet could have ordered me back to the SGC.” Jack closed his eyes briefly, and then opened them again. In the darkness he found it easier to talk, knowing that Daniel couldn’t see his feelings reflected in his eyes. “I can’t do what you want me to do, and you know it. I can’t cling to your shoulder, and sob about the injustice in the world, it’s not me and it’s too late in the day to teach an old dog new tricks. I just need to deal with it in my own way, please.” He gave Daniel’s arm a squeeze. “Trust me.” “I do, Jack. But you have got to understand that we are not going to let you get sick because of it. You have to let Janet look after you. Is it a deal?” There was a reluctant sigh and then Jack nodded. “Deal.” Daniel stood up again. “Good, then I’ll leave you to get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.” *
“Hey Daniel.” Cassie sauntered past a surprised looking Daniel and disappeared into the kitchen, where she could be heard rummaging around in the fridge. ”Janet?” Janet gave him an innocent look as she stepped into the house. “What?” He closed the door and pointed to the kitchen. “As much as I like to see Cassie, what is she doing here?” “Mom said that Jack wasn’t feeling well and I wanted to check up on him.” Cassie came back out of the kitchen carrying a glass of juice. “Is he awake?” “No.” “Good.” Cassie began walking up the stairs. Daniel moved to stop her but Janet stood in his way. “Leave her.” She dragged him into the kitchen. “Now, get me some coffee and I’ll explain.”
* Yet again, as he lay on his side in bed, he heard someone quietly enter the room and he steeled himself for the next round of well meaning, but annoying, questions. Therefore, when Cassie climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around him his eyes flew open in surprise. “Cassie?” ”Morning, Jack.” The teenage gave him a big grin and then a sloppy kiss on his forehead. “Mom said you were sick so I thought that I’d drop by and check that you were behaving yourself.” He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m fine, Cass.” “Yeah, right.” She lay down next to him on the bed. “Mom wouldn’t tell me what happened at first.” She smiled innocently, “But you know me.” He shot her an evil glare. “Yeah, like a dog with a bone.” “Jack!” She punched him lightly on the arm. “She even tried to tell me that you wouldn’t want to see me because you were down about Sara.” She pulled a face. “But I figured that maybe I could help.” Her voice became serious, and older beyond her years. “Help?” She had his attention now. “Yeah.” She looked at him with such tragic wisdom. “If you had someone you knew who had also lost their family, too.” She smiled sadly into his startled eyes. “We don’t have to talk about it, we can just hang out together.” He looked at her, not trusting his voice. Then took hold of her hand, lacing his long fingers between her smaller, slender ones. She smiled. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”
* “Five minutes.” Janet finished her coffee and put the mug in the sink. “Time to go up and see how my favourite Colonel is doing.” “You know he’s going to see right through this, don’t you.” Daniel leaned against the wall, his arms folded. “He’s not dumb.” ”I know.” She left the room.
* “I know you don’t like the question, however, I’m hoping you’ll humour me.” She unwrapped the blood pressure cuff from around his arm. “How are you feeling? He eyed her suspiciously. “I know what you tried to do with Cassie.” He climbed out of bed and pulled his robe on. “It was sneaky, underhand and . . .” he headed towards the bathroom, “ . . . very clever.” She smiled and sat back on the bed as she heard the sound of the shower being switched on, only for Jack to walk back into the bedroom. “I’ve still got things I need to sort out in my head in my own time.” He hesitated before continuing. “But don’t think that I don’t appreciate what you and Daniel did for me yesterday.” Janet started to say something but he shook his head. “I’ll be okay, Janet. Trust me.” He smiled. “Now, as you can probably guess, I ache from head to toe so I’m going to take a long hot shower. Cassie has then scheduled a Saturday morning of cartoons. I believe that she’s downstairs persuading Daniel to take her out to pick up the obligatory junk food required for such a session.” Janet raised an eyebrow. “Cartoons, sir?” He headed back into the bathroom. “Yeah,” he said over his shoulder. “Apparently it’s cool for a teenager and a tired old soldier to watch Scooby Doo.”
The end.
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