Title: I Should Have Known Better.

Author: Magicsunbeam

Email: magicsunbeam@ntlworld.com

Category: Angst/ Sam POV

Pairing:

Rating: G

Season/sequel: Six.

Spoilers: Meridian and Abyss.

Summary: Sam realises she’s been had.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.

Author's Notes: Fanx Teach for the bashing Sorry to have to keep you so late after skool cos of my orid grandma and spelin. J J.

I Should Have Known Better

by Magicsunbeam

I know he doesn’t look on me as being stupid. Yes, okay. I’ve done some dumb things before now, and have received the appropriate `That has to be the dumbest thing you’ve said/done. ` look. But I know he doesn’t think I’m stupid.

I admit I was a bit slow on the uptake. I should have known then, but I was so damned angry with him. I was so caught up with the restless frustration, that at first I didn’t see it.

He wanted to move on -- to put it all behind us and carry on as normal. As if what happened to Daniel wasn’t important enough to grieve over. Well I’m sorry, but I couldn’t just push it to the back of my mind like it never happened.

It did.

I wanted to scream at the injustice of it. I wanted to know what had happened and how. I wanted someone to tell me if Daniel was dead, or was he still alive somehow. Somewhere.

And I wanted to kill Jonas.

God I hated him so much.

Of course, once I had time to reflect on the whole thing, I came to realise Jonas only reacted as most would. Self-preservation is one of the strongest instincts. I couldn’t really blame him for not wanting to go into that room.

Daniel on the other hand, is/was (God, I hope `is`.) a different kettle of fish. He would always react first, think later. He couldn’t stop himself from acting on impulse, anymore than the colonel can stop himself from coming out with sarcastic one-liners. Daniel’s instincts told him to get into that room and stop the radiation spreading further. He did what came naturally to him.

He reacted without thought for his own self-preservation.

Now he’s gone ~ although God knows to where.

Not surprisingly, that is a big part of the problem. No one knows for sure what happened in that room.

Sure, we’re kind of used to seeing unusual things: men with glowing eyes, space ships, transportation devices, unusual looking creatures, deadly beings, gracious, life saving beings. Technology so advanced, it would leave James T. Kirk with a pout the size of Nevada. Things that, up until a few years ago, only existed in paperback.

But the whole life after death thing?

All I know is what I saw, which left me so damned confused, I can’t tell you how much. I didn’t know whether to grieve for Daniel or be happy for him. I’m sure the colonel must have been feeling the same. Neither of us came close to understanding what happened that day, and I didn’t know why the colonel would want to brush it all under the carpet.

He and Daniel went through so *much* together. Their lives became so entwined by circumstance and tragedy, that it’s no surprise they became so close. Like brothers. The fact that he’s here now, suffering the same heartbreaking side effects of the sarcophagus as Daniel once did, is nothing short of ironic.

There is only one thing worse than watching him as he suffers the pain, and the fevers, and the chills, and the feeling of utter helplessness. And that is to hear the sadness in his voice, as he repeatedly pleads with Daniel to stay.

He’s been talking to Daniel since he came home.

Dad told me the colonel was chronically exhausted when he picked him up. Dad had given him some kind of sedative, but the bad dreams started almost as soon as the colonel had fallen asleep. As the dreams got worse, he began to `talk` to Daniel, getting more agitated as the time went on. In the end, Dad gave him more of the drug to push him further under. That in turn suppressed the dreams, and he slept deeply for the remainder of the journey home.

**

He’s been awake a couple of times, but only for short periods. Janet is giving him some of her own magic drugs to help with the pain. Most of the time, he doesn’t know what’s going on; Janet tells us its par for the course at this stage. Cold turkey is an ugly, ugly thing. I hoped I would never have to witness it again, after seeing what Daniel went through.

He’s getting restless again. I’ve been sitting here so long; I can read the signs in his face now. First there’s the twitch. A minuscule curve of the lips, as if he’s just seen someone he knows. (No guesses who.) Then the tension drains from his face and for a little while there is peace. Just like now. After a while, things change again and he becomes anxious once more.

I can see the change already. His hands begin to move around the blanket in search of something, as he heaves a huge shuddering sigh. His eyelids lift slowly revealing two dazed, fever bright orbs. He looks straight at me, but I know he doesn’t see me.

"Daniel?" He asks, right on cue.

"No, Sir. It’s just me," I tell him, picking up his hand in an attempt to halt his wandering mind. "Daniel isn’t here."

Totally oblivious, he tilts his head and fixes on me with a determined eye.

"You can stop this, Daniel," he tells me. "I don’t want to see this cell again."

I know what his meaning is. He wanted to die, and somehow he thought Daniel could help him. I’m not scared to admit, that breaks me up. God, I wish Daniel *was* here. He’s needed so much right now.

With my free hand, I reach up and push a couple of strands of damp grey hair from his forehead.

"It’s okay, colonel," I tell him quietly. "You won’t have to. I promise."

Seemingly satisfied, peace prevails over the room for a few minutes, before he starts again. This time he pleads for Daniel to stay. Suddenly, I find myself in the middle of a struggle as he tries to get up.

"Daniel, stay please? You don’t have to go yet. Not yet. Please?"

I have to fight to keep him on the bed. Then, just when I think I’m going to have to call for Janet, Teal’c appears out of nowhere. With ridiculous ease, he gently pushes the colonel back down onto the pillows. He holds him there until the colonel hasn’t the energy to fight back.

"Rest, O’Neill," he tells him. "All will be well my friend, but you must allow yourself to rest."

I give Teal’c a weary smile, and he returns it with very slight nod. Within seconds, everything has changed and the colonel has drifted off into an uneasy sleep once again.

"I will be joining Jonas Quinn in the commissary," he tells me. "Would you care to accompany us, Major Carter?"

"No thanks, Teal’c." I smile. "I’m going to stay here a while longer."

"Very well. Would you like me to bring you coffee?"

Oh, God. Yes. Just what the doctor ordered.

"That’d be good. Thanks."

Teal’c nods again and is gone.

**

So.

As I was saying.

Even though I was angry with him and didn’t see it at first, I know now. The `He’s gone. What do you want me to do? ` speech was nothing more than a façade. He misses Daniel as much as the rest of us and a whole heap more besides.

Colonel O’Neill can lie with the best of them, but I have to say I feel a little foolish.

I should have known better.