Title: Chip

Author: Magicsunbeam

Email: magicsunbeam@ntlworld.com

Category: A bit of humour (I hope) and some ouch

Pairing: None

Rating: G

Season/sequel: After season five

Spoilers: None.

Summary: Jack makes himself an unexpected friend, but to the others it looks like he may have lost his mind big time.

Authors Notes: Many, many thanx to Hoodat and Arnise for their help in getting this, and other stories to the list for me. If not for you two, and Tiddy on on-coming, I would be well and truly stuck in No Mans Land. This one is for you three. xxx

This began absolutely AGES ago, long before Susie up and died on me. So it sat collecting dust until Lou came along. I seriously doubt it is anything the TPTB would dream of coming up with, but hey, I had a laugh (especially at Jack) while doing it. I also sat for hours....okay, minutes.... Painting my own pictures to insert. I'll cry if they don't show up. :(

Oh, on a personal note: ROOF Kirkham!! Please note I *finally* did as you asked. 33 page's no less! <vbg>

Hope you enjoy. J.

NB. Susie and Lou are muses.

Chip

by Magicsunbeam

"Ahh. P35 2CJ," Jack O'Neill breathed, a wistful smile dancing across his lips. "Home to blue skies, twin suns, no natives with their poisonous arrows, *and* not a tree in sight."

Teal'c turned to his CO, his face deadpan.

"The readings from the MALP indicate that the temperatures on this planet average eighty-two degrees, even at this early hour, O'Neill," he rumbled. "Without the assistance of shade, our task will be less than comfortable. Trees would be ~ useful."

"Teal'c.Teal'c.Teal'c," Jack sighed. "Who needs trees when we have the wonders of the military wardrobe? The fashion statement that is the Boonie?"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and was just about to respond, when Sam Carter strode into the room.

"Ah finally, Major. I was beginning to think someone was playing a cruel joke, when they said you'd be joining us." Jack said moving toward the ramp.

Sam shot him an apologetic look.

"Sorry, Sir. It's just ~,"

Jack waved a hand at her. "Ah ah, I don't want to hear it, Carter. As forfeit for your error, you get to take point."

"Yes, Sir," Sam grinned; glad of the slack she had been cut.

Hammond's voice boomed out across the room.

"SG1, you have twelve hours. Have a good trip."

Jack looked to the control room and pulled off a sloppy salute.

"Thank you kindly, Sir. See you in twelve," he called. Then he turned back to his team, and slapping Jonas' shoulder lightly, called: "Okay kids, let's move out."

Hammond watched, a small grin on his face as SG1 stepped through the gate.

#####

Nine hours and 37 minutes later, O'Neill and his team came back down the ramp.

Jack and Sam came first, followed by Teal'c who was all but holding a very pale and sweaty looking Jonas up on his feet.

Hammond came into the gate room to greet them.

"Colonel. You're back early. What happened?" He asked, casting a worried glance at Jonas.

"Well, Sir. Seems Jonas here has a talent for finding trouble."

"Trouble?"

"Jonas was stung, sir," Sam replied. "By some kind of plant."

Hammond turned to the control room window. "Get Dr. Fraiser down here right away."

"I told him. I *distinctly* remember telling him; stay clear of the poison ivy stuff. But did he listen? Noooo, he did *not* listen. In fact I would say he was far from listening. In fact I would say ~"

"Thank you, Colonel. I think I get the picture." Hammond interrupted Jack's rant. "Did you find anything of interest on the planet?"

"Well, Sir. That would be no. There was absolutely nothing of interest." Jack stated.

"Nothing at all?"

"Nothing, Sir. We found absolutely nothing. Squat, zilch, zip. Or as my English cousin, Jefferey would say; not a jot."

"I was not aware that you had an English cousin, O'Neill," Teal'c said, struggling to hold onto the fast fading Jonas.

"I don't."

The Jaffa stared at his friend for a moment then said, "Ah."

Jack grinned then, raising his eyebrows he turned his attention back to the subject.

Hammond looked to Sam, who lifted her shoulders in a slight shrug.

"The Colonel's right, Sir. We found nothing of any real interest."

Janet chose that moment to appear in the gate room. SG1 and Hammond all stood back and watched as she quickly assessed Jonas, got him loaded onto the gurney, and whipped him off to the infirmary.

"Very well people." Hammond sighed. "Get cleaned up and checked out. Debriefing will be at 17.00 hours."

With that, the General turned and left the room.

"Okay. You heard the man. Let's get this over with," Jack said waving a hand at the door. "Major. I believe the term is ladies before gentlemen?"

Sam grinned. "Or maybe in this case, beauty before age," she muttered as she headed out into the corridor.

"Ah. I heard that Major," Jack called after her. "Apparently I'm not in need of a hearing aid *just* yet."

#####

"Still here, Colonel?" Janet Fraiser asked with a grin.

"Just keeping an eye on the situation, Doc," Jack O'Neill answered carefully. "I'm a team member short. Which means, unless we can pull an extra body out of a hat, that we get to do the crappy calls. The quicker we get Quinn back the better it'll be for the SG1."

"Yes, Colonel," Janet said, smothering a smile.

Jack saw the smile and chose to ignore it.

"So. How's he doing?" he asked casually, stepping to one side to allow the doctor past.

She fiddled with the IV line that was attached to Jonas Quinn's hand, and then absently pressed the back of her hand to his forehead.

"Not so good at the moment, Colonel." Janet said earnestly, before taking a handkerchief from her pocket and blowing her nose.

"He'll get over it though, right?" Jack asked, noting Janet's red nose and watery eyes.

Janet squeezed past Jack again. She picked up the chart at the end of Jonas' bed and scribbled down a couple of notes.

"Yes, sir. He'll be back on his feet in a day or so. You know you weren't far off the mark when you described the plant as being like poison ivy. Its toxins have a surprisingly similar effect. Some pretty nasty looking welts and blisters and of course, there's the itching. Unfortunately, they're also accompanied by fever, nausea and lethargy," Janet said before replacing the chart and walking away.

Taking a last glance at the very sickly looking Jonas, Jack followed her to her office.

"So if it's just poison ivy, why is he so sick?"

Retrieving a file from the cabinet and dropping it into her desk, Janet turned to face the thorn in her side.

"Colonel, I did say the plant was <similar> to poison ivy. Don't forget, we are dealing with a totally new species, no matter how much it looks like something we know," she explained patiently. "I know he doesn't look so good right now, but Jonas will be okay. Just give him some time."

The look on his face told Janet he wasn't 100% convinced. She raised an eyebrow in challenge. To her surprise, he let it drop.

"Okay Doc," he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "You know best."

"Why thank you, Colonel," she smirked, before whipping out her handkerchief and sneezing violently into it.

"Gesundheit! You know, you should maybe think about seeing a doc, Doc." He grinned at her before sauntering off.

#####

On his way past the ward, Jack stopped and took a last look at Jonas and found him to be sleeping fitfully. Jack noticed an anxious look cross the younger mans face, his lips twitching as he muttered incoherently.

Without thought, Jack placed a hand on Jonas' shoulder. The touch seemed to be enough, because after a few seconds Jonas relaxed visibly and was soon still.

"You have the touch, Colonel."

Jack turned to find one of Janet's nurses standing behind him.

Noticing the nurse had a needle, Jack backed away. Holding his hands up, he gave her a look of mock horror.

"Whoa now, nurse. Just put the weapon down. I was about to leave. Really."

Kelly giggled and emptied the contents of the needle into Jonas' IV.

"Anti-biotic," she smiled.

"I bet you say that to all your victims," he replied dryly, before giving her a quick grin and beating a hasty retreat.

#####

"So am I correct in thinking, Colonel, that we can write P35 2CJ off?"

"Ooh now, Sir. I wouldn't be so negative. It'd make a great vacation destination for anyone who likes lots of sun, miles of sand, and very little air," Jack offered.

Ignoring O'Neill's witticism, Hammond sighed. "Very well. Let's chalk this one down to practise," he said, as he closed the file in front of him. "Okay people, I think you've earned yourselves some downtime."

"Sir?" Jack asked, surprised by his CO's announcement.

"It's been a while since SG1 had some downtime, Colonel. I'm sure you all could use some time to call your own. With Jonas laid up in the infirmary, what better time to take it?"

Jack flashed a lopsided grin.

"No time like the present, Sir."

Hammond got to his feet and looked at the smiling faces round the table.

"You have ten days, SG1. Enjoy them."

#####

"Hold up!" Jack called to his team mates.

Sam and Teal'c waited for him to catch them, before making their way to the elevator.

"So. Guys. Any idea's as to how you're going to spend you downtime?"

"Ooh. Sleep." Sam grinned. "Maybe some repair jobs. Sleep. Go visit my brother. Sleep. Catch up on some TV. The usual."

"Have you given any thought to maybe getting some sleep, Carter?" Jack asked.

Sam laughed lightly. "I'll think about that, Sir. Thanks for the suggestion."

"What about you, Teal'c?"

"I will use the time to return to Chulak. I am curious to learn of my son's training."

"Very good," Jack approved.

"What about you, Sir?" Sam asked.

"Mmm. Tough one, Carter," he replied. "But I think maybe a bit of fishing maybe just what the Doc ordered."

The elevator doors pinged open. All three stepped inside to find it already occupied by a young Lieutenant.

"Which floor, Sirs?" he asked.

Without hesitation, all three said in stereo:

"Twenty one."

#####

As they walked into the infirmary, they found Janet standing beside Jonas' bed, reading a chart.

"Hey guys," she smiled. "I didn't expect to see you so soon."

"We thought we'd sit with Jonas a while," Sam explained. "General Hammond put us on stand down until he's fit."

"That's good. It's my opinion that you guys could use a little r & r too," Janet said with a grin. "The good news here is the anti biotics are working."

"Yeah?" Sam asked, genuinely pleased.

"Yeah. His fever broke a little while ago. It's still high, but it's coming down all the time. He's been awake and coherent of couple of times too," Janet said, sending a little grin Jack's way.

"That is indeed good news," Teal'c stated.

Janet sighed and replaced the chart. "Okay, I have some things to do. I'll see you in a while," she said as she turned and left the room.

#####

The team sat with Jonas for almost an hour, before leaving to carry on with their plans.

Much to his dislike, Jack had paper work to catch up on before he made his escape to the outside world. Teal'c had left the planet in record time, eager to see his son. Sam was spending some time catching up on some project, before she felt comfortable enough in handing it over to another colleague.

Four hours later, a very weary Jack O'Neill stepped out of his office. He gave some brief thought to visiting the infirmary before he left. However, his head was beginning to ache, and putting it down to squinting at a monitor in a room illuminated by strip lighting, he decided against it. So instead, he headed up to the surface and home. By the time he got past security, the sun was just about kissing the tree- tops.

Driving down the mountain, Jack found himself inexplicably drawn to the scenery. He had driven the same road hundreds of times over the last few years. He had become so familiar with it he reckoned he could drive it blindfolded. Yet tonight, it was like his eyes noticed its beauty for the first time.

The mountain was halfway through fall, and all but the evergreens were now producing the most spectacular show of colours. A gentle breeze pushed the branches, causing the more golden leaves to flutter gracefully to the ground. It reminded Jack of a poem he had read once. Racking his brain, he tried to remember.

As the wind began to blow, and the summer sun did die.

Autumn stretched a golden hand

to the trees as she passed by.

The fragile leaves were turning to red and brown and gold,

And each was laced with a silver frost,

that showed the year was growing cold.

As the wind began to blow, shaking leaves down to the ground.

Every leaf, from every tree,

Became part of her golden gown.

Jack didn't realise he had actually stopped the SUV, until Sam's car pulled along side him. Leaning through the window she called across to him:

"Is everything okay, Sir?"

"Fine Carter," he replied. "Just taking in the mountain."

Sam's eyebrows lifted in surprise.

"Oh. Okay, Sir."

"I thought you were going to visit your brother?" Jack asked.

"I will in the morning. Right after I get some ~"

"Sleep."

"Yes, Sir." Sam grinned, as she put the car into first. "G`night, Sir."

"Night Carter. Have fun," he called as his 2IC drove away, leaving him once more to the solace of the quiet mountain air.

When Sam had gone, Jack climbed from the SUV, crossed the road and sat down on a boulder overlooking the mountainside. He didn't know how long he sat there staring into space, but when he came out of his reverie Jack found himself surrounded by darkness.

His legs protested loudly as he got to his feet and stretched his back till he felt a couple of vertebrae pop. He then crossed the road again and dropped into his SUV. Starting up the engine, Jack gave an involuntary shiver. Until then he hadn't realised he was cold.

"Wuss," he muttered to himself, turning the heating up to full as he drove off.

#####

Jack woke up shivering and sore.

If his back and shoulders were stiff, his butt was positively numb. After scrubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, Jack looked round. He found himself propped up in a corner on the observation deck. He remembered grabbing a beer and coming out to look at the clear night skies, but he didn't remember falling asleep. His watch registered 3.27am. He'd been out there for almost five hours.

"Crap," he sighed. "No wonder you're cold, you ass."

He reached for the small lamp beside him, squinting until his eyes became accustomed to the light. He then picked up the beer bottle and to his disgust, found a large moth floating fuzzy face down in the brown liquid.

"Ah, double crap. I hope the Bud was worth it, bud." Jack groaned, and struggled to his feet. He leaned over to pour the beer and moth into a potted plant when he was over taken by a wave of dizziness. Flying forward, Jack grabbed for the rail, and in doing so, just managed to stop himself from tipping over the edge. He sank to the deck floor and leaned back against the rail as his stomach rebelled, threatening to rob him of its contents.

"Oh boyohboy," he muttered to himself, as the shivering became more intense. Head pounding, he gave himself a few minutes, and then got to his feet a little more slowly. This time nothing untoward happened, and Jack made his way indoors.

He was still shivering when he stumbled into the bathroom. He opened the cabinet door, took out a couple of Tylenol and dry swallowed them. Closing the cabinet door, he studied his face in the mirror for a moment.

His face was grey and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. His eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot. He held his hands out in front of him and watched for a few moments as they shook.

"Aww great," he mumbled. "Doc, if you passed that damn bug on, so help me ~"

Jack stopped in mid sentence, as his eyes were drawn to something on his shoulder.

Something *moving* on his shoulder.

He looked down to see something resembling a small, brown, finger attached to his shirt. His shocked gaze skimmed past the finger, down a skinny brown arm, till they met a pair of shining, coal black eyes. The body of the creature was about half the size of a basket ball, and roughly the same shape. It had two long, skinny arms and legs, each ending in a clutch of claw like fingers. Fingers that were clutching like grim death at Jack's shirt.

"Jeezus!" Jack cried, brushing at the `thing` and spinning round at the same time. Such was his panic to get the thing off him; he stumbled against the bath tub and crashed to the floor, banging his head on the basin as he went.

As he lay there stunned, Jack couldn't stop the groan that came from his lips. He knew he didn't have the strength to get up or to get away from the creature, and to his dismay, blackness rushed in to claim him.

The last sound that Jack's brain processed, was a soft guttural groan that came from somewhere beneath him. A weak but satisfied smile crossed his lips, as the last *thought* that his brain processed was; 'Flat as a pancake.'

#####

George Hammond was dragged mercilessly from a comfortable, deep slumber by a constant ringing in his ears. Moaning, he slid an arm from beneath the covers and felt around for the demon device. Locating it, he then pulled it under the covers and to his ear before grunting:

"Mm, Hammond."

When no reply came, he cleared his throat and spoke again.

"Hello?"

Again there was no reply. Lifting his head from under the covers, he peered at the clock beside the bed. 04.52. His patience wearing thin very quickly, he hissed into the receiver.

"Who the hell *is* this?"

He was just about to hang up, when he heard a sound.

"Ssssr."

Hammond sat up in his bed and snapped on the lamp.

"Who is this?" He demanded.

"Sssr...need."

The voice was barely audible, and the General strained to catch the words.

"You need? What do you need? Who is this?"

A low groan answered his question. There was then a moment of silence, before the voice returned and with considerable effort, rasped:

"Sir. Foot...hhhold."

All remaining sleep was shaken off in a split second.

"Jack? Jack is that you?"

When there was no reply, Hammond jumped out of his bed and reached for his uniform.

#####

It took little time for the call to be traced, but within minutes SG2 was dispatched to Jack O'Neill's home, along with a pale looking Janet Fraiser.

Once there, the Major quickly placed his team ready to gain access before he turned to his anxious CMO.

"Doc, I know you want to get in there and find the Colonel. So do I, but we have no idea what's going on here. I have to ask you to wait here until I give you the all clear. Okay?"

"I know the procedure, Major. I'll await your word, but General Hammond said the colonel didn't sound good. So please hurry, okay?"

Feretti nodded grimly. "I'll get you in there asap."

The next few minutes were a flurry of controlled activity. Eventually Ferretti appeared at the front door and gave the all clear.

"He's in the bedroom, Doc," he told her. Janet took in the concern on the major's face, and almost flew up the stairs.

She found Jack lying in a heap by the bed, the phone still in his hand. His face was as grey as Thor, and was washed in a thin sheen of sweat. Drying blood streaked from a cut to his temple, but Janet was more concerned about the heat she felt as she looked for a pulse. She sighed with relief when she found one, albeit a little too fast for her liking.

She pressed a hand to Jack's forehead. Too hot. Way too hot.

"Colonel? Colonel O'Neill, can you hear me? It's Doc."

She was rewarded with a soft moan, as Jack attempted to open his eyes. After a moment, Jack struggled to bring his fevered gaze into focus.

"Hey, Doc," he murmured. "Y' look like hell."

It was little more than a whisper, but was all the encouragement Janet needed.

"You can talk," she replied with a smile. "How do you feel?"

"Hot. Head hurts."

"I know. Looks like you hit it pretty hard. Do you remember what happened?"

Jack closed his eyes and tried to think.

"No."

Ferretti had been standing in the background, but now came forward and crouched down next to Jack.

"Colonel, you rang General Hammond to inform him of a Foothold situation. Can you remember doing that?"

Jack looked up at the Major with a blank expression. Then suddenly, he remembered.

"Jesus! It's in here," he cried, and struggling weakly to get up.

"Whoa! Easy Colonel," Janet wedged both hands against Jack's chest, pinning him down. "Take it easy. I need you to lie still."

"What's in here?" Ferretti asked.

"That *thing*," Jack said with disgust. "It's in the bathroom. I landed on it when I fell. I think it's dead."

"Colonel, Sir. We searched the place from top to bottom. We can't find anything out of place."

"It's here, Ferretti," Jack's voice took on a tremor, as he struggled not to panic. "Small, brown, ugly son of a bitch. Claws like talons. Look again Major. It *has* to be in there."

"Yes, sir," Ferretti got to his feet and gave the order for another search of the house.

Jack seemed satisfied with that, and dropped back onto the floor.

"That's it, Colonel. Just relax, Ferretti will take care of it," Janet tried to keep him calm, as she managed to get an IV going. "Colonel, I think you may have developed my flu virus. We need to get you to the infirmary, okay?"

"Doc?"

"Yes, Colonel?"

"I'm cold," he whispered and passed out again.

#####

"Major, you are two hundred percent sure there was *nothing* out of order at Colonel O'Neill's home?" Hammond asked.

"Absolutely, sir. I had my men go over the place with a fine toothcomb. We found nothing out of place."

"Did Colonel O'Neill say anything else?"

"Given his condition, I'm surprised the Colonel got to say anything at all," Janet interrupted, as she walked in the briefing room.

All eyes turned to her.

"How is he, Doc?" Feretti asked.

"Not so good," Janet told him. "General, not only did Colonel O'Neill sustain a pretty nasty concussion from the fall in the bathroom, but he is also running a fever of 103 at present. He's suffering sweats, chills, shortness of breath, delirium. He's a sick man, sir."

"He has the flu?" Hammond asked.

"Basically sir, yes and it would seem he caught it from me," Janet said, blushing slightly.

"What about this creature he claims to have seen?" Hammond asked. "Can we safely believe it doesn't exist?"

"Sir, Colonel O'Neill hasn't a clue where he is or what is happening to him. I really doubt there was ever anything there. I believe what he saw was due to the fever, or concussion, or both."

#####*<*<

As soon as he was settled, word was sent to Sam and Teal'c about the Colonel's condition. It didn't surprise either the General or Janet, when both arrived back on base.

When Sam arrived, she found Teal'c had already returned and was with Jack.

"Hey, Teal'c," she smiled, as she went to stand by the bed, her arms unconsciously wrapped round her, a la Daniel. "How is he?"

"Colonel O'NeilI is unaware of his surroundings. He speaks in his sleep, but the high fever from which he suffers, makes it difficult to understand him."

"Flu virus does that to a person," Sam replied grimly, and pulled up a chair. "I thought you'd gone back the Chulak?"

"I had indeed returned to my home world, MajorCarter. However, when word was sent to me regarding O'Neill's condition, I decided to return."

Sam nodded. She had been ready to leave for her brother's when she heard about the Colonel's night-time adventures, and had decided to put the visit off.

Jack stirred suddenly, muttering incoherently. Only one word came out loud and clear.

"Foothold."

Without saying a word, Sam leaned in and carefully pushed back dampened strands of hair from his forehead. Within a few seconds, Jack settled once more into silent sleep.

Sam sat back in her chair and sighed.

"He's going to be <so> not happy when he hears what happened," she said, watching her slumbering CO.

"Indeed." Teal'c nodded in solemn agreement.

*

#####

"I *did not*."

"Did I?"

The look of horror on Jack O'Neill's face, only just out weighed the seriousness of what had happened five days previously. That look, which was begging for this all to be a windup, made Hammond want to laugh.

Instead, the Texan smiled gently.

"I'm afraid you did, son," he confirmed.

"Aw, man." Jack fretted, his voice husky. "I'm *so* not going to be able to live this one down. Ferretti's going to dine out on this for months."

"Sir, you can hardly be held responsible for your actions. You were pretty well out of it," Sam reasoned.

Jack wasn't listening and just shook his head woefully.

"Aw, man," he muttered, as a coughing bout took hold.

All thought of further ribbing evaporated, as Janet quickly placed a nebulizer mask onto Jack's reddening face.

"Slow, Colonel. Deep, slow breaths," she advised, keeping one eye on her patient, the other on the machine beside Jack's bed.

After a while, the coughing subsided leaving Jack wiped out. Leaning back into his pillows, he closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing. As the nebulizer did its stuff and Jack began to breathe a little easier, Janet shooed the visitors away.

When Jack opened his eyes again, he found Janet sitting in a chair beside his bed watching him closely.

"Better?" she asked.

Still concentrating, Jack nodded. His eyes now heavy with exhaustion, he found himself now struggling to stay awake too. Seeing his fight, Janet smiled.

"Just let go, Colonel," she said softly. "You have a long haul ahead of you, and you're only going to get there with plenty of rest."

"Am poer monr," Jack muttered into the mask, as his eyes slid shut.

Grinning, Janet watched as he drifted off.

"Oh, you haven't even *seen* this power monger yet, sir," she warned, as she walked away, leaving the man to his rest.

*

#####

"Tell me, Carter. Just what part of `no` don't you get?"

"Sir, you *know* you'd do it if any of us were sick."

"Precisely the point, Major. *If* you were sick," Jack said, stuffing a pair of sweats into a holdall. "I *was* sick, now I'm not. I don't need a baby-sitter."

"Sir, I wasn't offering to *baby-sit* you," Sam huffed. "Just drive you home, make sure you have everything you need."

Bringing his hands to his face, Jack shook his head in exasperation. Then slowly, he turned to face his 2IC.

"Look, Carter. I appreciate the concern but really, there is no need. Now I promise, I'm going to go straight home, take the meds Fraiser gave me, put my feet up and rest."

Turning back to the holdall, he carried on, "Right after I hit the liquor store, get profoundly drunk, and find a hooker to declare my undying love to."

Sam giggled.

"Okay, okay. I'll leave you alone, but please ~ call if you *do* need anything. Okay?"

Hoisting the bag over his shoulder, Jack rolled his eyes.

"Yes, mom," he drawled, and made his break for freedom.

*

#####

Jack pulled his SUV onto the drive and gave a contented sigh. Home at last.

He had spent almost three weeks under Janet Fraiser's watchful eye. The first two weeks he'd been stuck in the infirmary waiting for the virus to offer him a break. Then for the past week he had been confined to his quarters, so Janet could be sure that the chest infection he had developed had cleared up too.

Now he was home, and all he wanted was to chill out, watch a game on TV, eat when *he* wanted to eat, and to sleep in his own comfortable bed.

Sliding the key into the lock, Jack grinned and pushed his front door open. He took one step inside and froze.

"What the hell?"

*

#####

Absently, Sam reached out and picked up the phone receiver.

"Carter."

"You did say you came by here and locked up my house, didn't you?"

Her attention caught, Sam put down the file she was looking at.

"Sir? Is everything okay? Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine and no, everything is certainly not okay. Did you, or did you not lock up my house?"

"I did. Actually Teal'c and I did. Sir, what's wrong?"

*

#####

"One of the small panes in the door leading out to the deck is broken," Said Jonas. "It must have got out through there."

Sam was still gazing round in wonder. "I can't believe a creature so small could make such a big mess."

"Believe it, Major," Jack grumbled. "It's going to take a week to clean this up. Damn racoons."

"It must have got in as we were locking up," Sam thought out loud.

Jack had opened the door to find his home turned completely upside down. In the living room, lamps, ornaments, trophies and photograph frames were strewn around the floor. Sofa cushions were ripped and the insides thrown about the place.

An awful smell had led Jack into the kitchen where he found cupboards had been emptied. *Very* sour milk and beer from the fridge joined cereal, soap powder and flour on the floor. The bathroom and bedrooms weren't a pretty sight either.

"We will assist in cleaning, O'Neill," Teal'c offered. "Many hands make little work."

Despite his annoyance at the mess, Jack smiled.

"Light, T. Many hands make light work."

Teal'c cocked his head slightly, and nodded in understanding.

"Thank you, O'Neill."

"Any time," Jack grinned. "Now, what say we take care of ol` Ronnie Racoon's big adventure?"

"What's a racoon?" asked Jonas.

*

#####

Several hours, five bin bags full of rubbish, one spent mop and a trip to the grocery store later, SG1 each collapsed into a chair with a heavy sigh.

They sat for a while in companionable silence, before Jack spoke up.

"Thanks guys, I appreciate your help."

"No worries, sir," said Carter

"You are welcome, O'Neill," said Teal'c.

"It was kind of fun," said Jonas, earning himself some odd looks.

"Food," Jack suggested. "Anyone ready to eat?"

"I'll take a rain check on that, sir," Sam declined. "Think I'm going to soak in the tub a while and have an early night."

"I have promised Sgt Siler I would help with a problem he has, therefore must also take a rain check, O'Neill." Teal'c said.

Jack look across at Jonas.

"Sorry," the young man apologised. "There is still to much work to catch up on from P35 2CJ."

Jack sighed.

"Okay, kids. No worries. I think maybe I'll just have an early night too."

*

#####

After Sam, Teal'c and Jonas had gone; Jack took a look into his restocked fridge. He reached for a beer, and then remembered the meds Janet had given him.

"Aw, crap," He swore to himself, as he closed the fridge door and switched on the coffee percolator instead.

Ten minutes later, donning a coat, Jack went out onto the observation deck. To his delight, he found the night sky was crystal clear. Sighing contentedly, he leaned against the rail and watched the heavens.

Jack had only been sat there a few minutes, when a shooting star streaked across the sky in front of him. Burning brilliant white, reds, yellows and oranges, its tail fanned out behind it for many miles.

Jack smiled.

`This was what I love about the night skies,` he thought to himself. `The unpredictability of it all. You just never knew what's going to happen next.`

He had no sooner got the thought out, when he heard a noise from somewhere behind him. Swinging round, he scanned the deck behind him. He noticed the French door to his bedroom were slightly ajar. Figuring he mustn't have closed the door properly, Jack reasoned the noise must have been made from it popping open. Satisfied, he turned back to the rail, just as another blazing star shot across the sky in front of him.

It was then that Jack felt, rather than saw something move at his feet. At the same time, a tiny, shrill voice filled his ears.

"Ooooh."

Looking down his eyes settled on a small, shiny, rotund object. For a second, Jack's brain flashed back.

** "Small, brown, ugly son a bitch. Claws like talons. Look again Major, it *has* to be in there." **

"Whoa!" Jack cried, as he stumbled back at a good speed of knots, only stopping when he felt wall of the house at his back.

"Whoa!" the creature echoed, its head tilted to one side as it studied Jack somewhat curiously.

For a long and tense moment, brown eyes locked with black in the moonlight. Then slowly and cautiously, Jack reached across and flicked on the lamp.

A flash of light accompanied a loud pop, as the bulb blew. Shocked by sudden noise, the creature yelped and back peddled almost as fast as Jack had a moment before. Going in the opposite direction, and not having the wall to stop it, Jack watched as the creature backed away under the railing.

Straight over the edge of the decking, and into the darkness.

It took Jack a couple of seconds to regain his equilibrium, before he stepped cautiously up to the railings, and peered into the dark. Scanning the ground below, he could see no sign of the creature. He was about to make a move for the ladder, when a thin wail floated up.

"Jaaaaack!"

Carefully leaning over the edge of the decking, Jack peered once more into the darkness. This time the moonlight caught a dark shape hanging just below the ledge. Brown eyes locked once more with black as Jack hesitated over what to do.

"Jaaaack," the creature wailed, clearly frightened. "Me no bounce good!"

Making a quick risk assessment, Jack realised if the creature was going to do him any harm, it wouldn't have sat there watching the light show with him.

"Oh, for cryin` out loud," he muttered. Leaning forward, he took the creature by its skinny arm and hauled it to safety.

Jack let go as soon as its body touched the deck. He unconsciously wiped his hands on his jeans, watching as the creature lay on its back puffing and panting.

After a minute or so, it pushed itself to a sitting position and turned to face Jack.

"Oooh, close," It trilled. "Much close. Almost splat was me. Thank you, Jack."

"Err, you're welcome," Jack told it, his mind doing cartwheels.

** Okay, O'Neill. Enough already. You're sitting outside, in broad ~ *moonlight*, talking to a...a... God knows ~ a pint sized basketball, which has all the voice qualities of Tweetie-Pie, the dialect of Yoda and the legs of Tiny Tim. Okay, the question is; did Doc give you the wrong meds, or do you now have a *real* live Foothold situation on your hands? **

"Is Tweety-Pie?" the creature asked.

Jack stared dumb-founded.

Okay, now this really was beginning to get a little odd.

Realising he was cold ~ or was it maybe shock? ~ Jack decided to try to get the creature out of the open. To his relief it took no persuading to go indoors with him. In fact, Jack thought it seemed to follow him like a lost puppy.

In the living room, Jack and the creature sat in opposite chairs staring at each other.

"You have a name?" Jack finally asked.

"Me, Nevachippenaowla."

Jack hesitated for just a second.

"Chip sounds good."

**God Almighty, O'Neill. Would you get a *grip* here? You ask it's *name* when you have no idea where this thing is from? Okay, so you have an idea, but what it's doing here? What does it want, and here's the big one. How did it get here without being detected? **

Chip blinked.

"See Jack's world," he said, as if it was the simplest of answers.

"What?"

"See Jack's world. Nevaenawola not good."

"What the hell is Nevergoneawol?"

"Nevaenawola. Chip's world. Very bad. Very boring."

"Okay. I think it may be official. I'm losing it." Jack said, incredulously.

When he thought he *had* lost his mind, Fraiser had assured him that what he *thought* he'd seen that night, was a figment of his imagination. Nothing more than a fever dream. God, he'd had so many nightmares about the thing running wild all over the SGC, with nobody being able to catch it. All the time it had being running wild in his own home.

Trashing his home.

"You!" Jack cried suddenly, pointing an accusing finger. "It wasn't a racoon that trashed my house, it was *you*!"

The creature climbed uneasily onto its thin legs and started to ring its tiny hands.

"Jack no come back," it explained. "Chip have to find food."

  It appeased Jack a little to see that somehow, the creature had the grace to look embarrassed. He actually found himself feeling a little sorry for it.

"Oh for cryin` out loud," he exclaimed, as much at his own softness as being annoyed at the creature. "I take it there was nothing in my cupboards that came up to your standards?"

A big smile appeared on the creature's face.

"Chip find *many* food," it told him. "Not here."

Jack's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Then his jaw dropped.

"What do you mean, not here? Aw, Jeez. Please tell me you didn't get yourself seen in public."

The creature's eyes widened.

"Is public?" He asked.

"Aw, man," Jack groaned. "Did anyone see you?"

Another big smile appeared.

"No, no one see. Chip good at no see."

"Where did you go?"

Chip walked to the window, and pointing at the garden next-door, it enthused. "No far. Food good."

Jack's eyes followed the direction of the skinny finger, to the kid's sandpit.

"Sand? You eat *sand*?" he asked, bewildered.

Chip nodded quickly.

"Sand good."

There was a pregnant pause, before Jack flew to his feet.

"Okay. Enough," he stormed, reaching for his car keys. "Come on."

"We go to SGC?" Chip asked.

Jack's brow furrowed in puzzlement. How the hell did it know what he was thinking?

"Yes, we're going to the SGC. There are some folks there who I *know* would want to meet you."

"Good," the creature cried, as it ran for the door. "Chip like mountain."

#####

** I'm *so* going to have Feretti's ass for this. Right after Hammond's finished. I *told* him to look again. God dammit, you'd think it was a simple enough order. I thought I was nuts and all this time the thing was running around my neighbourhood. **

"What the hell?" Jack exclaimed, as he realised he had pulled the SUV onto a wayside over looking the mountain.

Getting a distinct feeling of déjà vu, Jack looked across at Chip.

"What? You mess with hypnotic suggestion too?"

He was rewarded with a smile.

"You like the mountains, huh?"

The creature grinned.

"Much."

"Well take a good look, bud. There aren't many trees in Neverneverland."

"Nevaenawola."

"Yeah, whatever." Jack sighed, slamming the gears into first. "Come on, let's get you home."

Aiming the SUV toward the SGC, Jack didn't see the look of alarm that crossed Chip's face.

**

#####*<

It was 01.00 hours when Jack finally pulled up at the complex. Signing in at the gatehouse, Jack asked the corporal on guard to notify General Hammond of his arrival, and to have him, SG1, Feretti and the Doc meet him in the briefing room ASAP.

He then parked the SUV, and carrying Chip, made his way to level 27.

Jack passed both Siler and Simmons on the way down, and was a little surprised when neither man turned a hair at what he was carrying in his arms.

** Must be getting used to strange things happening around here. **

*

#####

Colonel, you'd better have a damn good explanation," Hammond grumbled, as he and the rest of SG1 entered the room. They in turn, were followed by Janet and Feretti.

"Oh, I'd say *that* was explanation enough." Jack replied, pointing at Chip, who was sitting in a chair by the window overlooking the gate room.

Hammond and the others followed his gesticulation.

Jack could hardly believe it, when six set of eyes returned to him in puzzlement. Striding across the room, he picked Chip up out of the chair and set him down on the table.

"Small, brown, ugly son of a bitch. Ring any bells, Feretti?"

Feretti's eyes widened and he looked to Hammond for guidance.

"Colonel, what the *hell* are you talking about?" The general asked.

Jack ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Sir, three weeks ago, I tried to warn you of a foothold situation. I was *told*," he spat the words in Janet's direction. "That I was sick and that I was imagining it. I *think* I have the proof here that I was, in actual fact, in full charge of all my faculties."

"Sir, what proof?" Sam asked.

"What *proof*?" Jack asked, astounded. "Tell me Carter, how many briefings have you been to with an oversized M&M sitting at the damn table?"

"Sir?"

"Oh for cryin` out loud!"

"Colonel." Hammond interrupted. "I don't know what *you* see, but I don't see anyone else in this room other than you, your team, Dr. Fraiser and Major Feretti."

Jack opened his mouth to speak, but halted. His eyes narrowed, as he turned to where Chip was still standing.

"You sly son of.... How do you do that? Is that what you meant when you said you were good at not being seen?"

"Chip good at no see," the creature trilled.

"Well you'd better *be* seen," Jack hissed.

"Hammond send Chip home."

"Damn right Hammond will send you home. I sympathise with the boring world thing, hell I'd be bored too, but you can't stay here."

Janet cleared her throat.

"Colonel, who are you talking too?" She asked.

"Small, brown alien, Doc. Kind of round in shape. Has more leg than Elle McPherson, only *way* skinnier."

Janet shifted uneasily.

"For cryin` out loud, Doc. It's standing right in front of you."

"Sir, I want you to come back to the infirmary with me. I think I know what the problem is."

"The problem *is*, Doc, that this *thing* has already spent way too much time on good old planet Earth," Jack ranted. "It earned me a concussion. Trashed my house. Ran amuck in my neighbourhood. *Now* it's hell bent on getting me locked up too. Well not *today*, Buster!"

Jack grabbed the creature and made for the steps to the gate room.

"Colonel!" Hammond barked. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Doing, sir?" Jack called, as he took the steps two at a time. "I'm sending our invisible friend home. Should of happened *three* weeks ago, Feretti!"

Chip began to fight in Jack's arms.

"Noooooo. Chip stay here!"

Jack struggled, only to have his hold on the creature broken, as Teal'c made a grab for him. Chip dropped to the floor and scurried away.

"Teal'c, what the hell are you doing?" Jack yelled.

"I cannot allow you go through the gate, O'Neill," the Jaffa told his struggling CO.

"I'm not going through the damn gate! *It* is!"

Janet took a tentative step towards Jack.

"Colonel, please. Listen to me."

"I'm listening, Doc," Jack ground out, fighting against Teal'c's grip. "Although it has to be said, it'd be easier without the headlock."

Hammond nodded at Teal'c, who immediately let the colonel go.

Jack backed away, coming to stand by the gate ramp. Glancing quickly round the room, he found Chip standing in a darkened corner behind a line of armed SF guards.

"Colonel, we'd like to believe what you're saying is true, but you have to admit it's pretty hard for us when only you can see this creature," Janet tried to reason. "Sir, please. Just come back to the infirmary with me. Let me check you out."

"And then what, Doc? I end up a certified nut case? The damn thing has personal stealth capabilities, for cryin` out loud. It's only going to show itself if it wants to."

Jack looked across the room to where the creature stood.

"Chip, please," he said quietly. "You've got to help me out here."

Hammond stepped forward.

"Son, you have *got * to let Dr Fraiser do her job," he pleaded.

Jack snorted.

"It ain't Doc that bothers me, general. McKenzie's going to have a field day. He'll be *itching* to get his greasy paws on me."

This time Sam spoke. Jack noted the tears brimming as she said softly;

"Colonel, if you won't do it for yourself, do it for the team. Please, let them help you."

Jack looked around and realised he was allowing himself to be backed into a corner. He felt something touch his leg, and looked to the floor in front of him.

"It's now or never, buddy. If you don't show yourself now, I'm going to spend the rest of my days staring at white walls. Please, Chip. I know you don't want to go back to Nevaenawola , but this is really important. You have *got* to let them see you."

Jack had no sooner got the words from his mouth, when movement on the floor at his feet caught Sam's eye.

She and the others watched open mouthed as Chip slowly materialised, one skinny arm wrapped protectively around Jacks left leg.

"Oh my God," Sam breathed.

For the longest of moments, all was still. Then suddenly, the sound of the safety catch being snapped back broke the silence. In a split second, Jack whipped Chip into his arms.

"NO!" he yelled, turning his back as the word left his lips.

"Stand down!" Hammond roared, but not before the bullet left the gun.

Jack felt the impact, as the bullet tore through his shoulder. The force flung him forward, slamming him into the wall. From there he slid gracelessly to the floor, coming to rest on his back.

"I said; *stand down*!" Hammond barked at the shocked airman, as Teal'c tore the gun from his hands.

Janet raced to Jack's side. Dropping to her knees, her hand flew to his neck in search of a pulse, as her eyes took in the sight of blood blossoming around the hole in his tee shirt.

"It went through," she muttered to herself, then yelling at anyone who was listening; "I need to get him to the infirmary, stat!"

As General Hammond barked out more orders, Janet turned back to Jack to find his eyes half-mast.

"Colonel? Colonel O'Neill, can you hear me? Try and stay with me for just for a while, sir," she pleaded.

Jack stared at her through pain filled eyes. Eyes that seemed confused as to what had just happened. Then slowly came recollection.

Using what strength he had left, Jack turned his head to scan the floor around him.

As blackness threatened, and the thoughts in his head began to spin off in a thousand directions, his gaze locked onto the small brown body that lay a few feet away.

#####

At first Jack wasn't sure what woke him. He lay quietly for a while, listening for any clues and was finally rewarded with the sharp click of heels on tiles. He started slightly as cool fingers wrapped around his wrist. With a sigh, he dragged his eyelids open to find Janet smiling down at him.

"Hey," she greeted him softly. "Welcome back. How are you feeling? Any pain?"

"No," Jack answered, surprised at how weak his voice seemed. "What happened?"

"You were shot, sir," Janet replied. She noticed the confused expression on Jack's face and prompted him. "You were in the gate room, sir. Remember?"

Jack fought to put his thoughts in order. He had vague recollections of Hammond, Doc and Carter all trying to talk him down from something. Something to do with racoons.

Suddenly, it all fell into place. He remembered hearing the sound of the safety catch. Feeling the white hot pain as the bullet sliced through his shoulder.

He remembered seeing Chip lying dead on the floor.

"Crap," he muttered, throwing his good arm over his face.

Janet touched his arm lightly.

"Colonel, I'm sorry we didn't believe you. We should have known better. All of us."

"S'ok." Jack mumbled, not really giving a damn.

Janet fiddled with the IV a little, then checked off something on a chart and put it back on a hook by the bed.

"Do you think you're up for some visitors?" She asked.

"Whatever," came a mumbled reply.

Jack listened to the click of heels, as Janet left the room.

"Five minutes," he heard her say. "And don't let him get too wound up."

He then heard the soft thud of three pairs of boots approach his bed, followed by three greetings.

"It is good to see you awake, O'Neill."

"How are you feeling, colonel?"

"Hey, sir. Glad you're back."

Jack sighed softly.

"Hey, Teal'c. Fine, Jonas. Thanks, Carter."

There was a scraping of a chair, as Sam sat down next to the bed. Then the room became quiet again.

Suddenly, a thin wail floated up.

"Jaaaaack. Me no jump good."

Jack whipped his arm away from his face and gawped at Carter, who laughed. She bent down and a second later lifted Chip up onto the bed.

Brown eyes and black eyes locked for a moment, then two very different faces split into the biggest of grins.

"Chip! Buddy! You're alive!" Jack beamed. "I thought I'd flattened you for sure this time."

"No flat. Just snap." Chip replied, waving an arm for Jack to see.

"How the *hell* did they get that cast to stay on something so skinny?"

"With great difficulty," Janet said from the doorway. "Times up, folks. I want everyone out. Colonel O'Neill needs to rest."

"Aw, Doc," Jack moaned, despite trying to stifle a yawn.

Janet raised an eyebrow in response, before conceding.

"Okay, okay. The M&M gets to stay a while longer," she said with a grin.

#####

Jack stood in front of the stargate, the alien's tiny hand in his.

"You ready to go home, Chip?"

Sighing sadly, Nevachippenawola nodded.

"I *will* come visit," Jack said.

"Jack promise Chip?"

"Jack promise Chip."

"Chip believe Jack."

Jack snorted, and raising his voice so that the send off party standing at the bottom of the ramp could hear, said:

"Well it's nice to know *someone* believes me."

With that, the two most unlikely friends in the universe stepped into the swirl of particles.

As the gate shut down, Hammond let out a long, pained sigh.

"We're not going to hear the last of this, are we, Major?"

Carter shook her head, and walking away grinning.

"Not in this lifetime, sir. Not in this lifetime."

~~~end~~~