Title: Another Loss

Author: OsarisAnhur  

Email: osarisanhur@tiscali.co.uk

Status: complete

Category: Hurt/Comfort

Pairings: Jack/Janet

Spoilers:  None

Season: 2/3

Sequel/Series Info: Could read The Next Step as it would explain Why Jack is thinking of Jan.

Rating: PG-13

Content Warnings: small amount of bad language

Summary: Another loss for Jack.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 and its characters are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. No infringements of copyrights or trademarks were intended. This fan fiction was written for the sole purpose of entertainment and no money was made from it. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author.

Feedback: Yes Please.                  

File Size: 122kb

Archive:  Incoming Wormhole, Jackfic, Abydos Gate: Jack/Janet

Author’s Note: I really want to say a big, big thank you to Neet and Tricia for beta-ing for me. Thanks So much guys.

Another Loss.

by Osarisanhur

The quantum mirror rippled as the boy flew backwards through it, flying with such a force as to send him sprawling heavily onto the floor halfway across the SGC artefacts storeroom. As he did so, the view from the other side of the mirror suddenly winked out of existence. He slowly picked himself up, his hand reaching to gingerly rub the back of his head as he looked around the room. He gasped as he realised how similar it looked to the one he’d just left. The boy’s fear rose as he looked around. He was alone. His mother should have been with him. He swallowed back a cry. Where was she? Looking down at his t-shirt he felt the memories flooding back and he knew with a terrifying certainty that he would never see his mother again.

He was truly alone now.

The door behind him flew open slamming into the wall with a heavy thud, tearing him violently from his thoughts. Turning around, expecting to see a horde of Jaffa he was startled by the sight of a group of marines entering the room, their guns trained on him. He gulped.

He hated guns.

The marines parted to allow General Hammond to enter the room. He stopped and stared in astonishment at the child in front of him. The boy looked to be about twelve, he was tall and lean with a mop of thick blonde hair. Fear was evident on his face, his arms were half raised in surrender and blood was splattered up the front of his pale blue t-shirt extending down over the front of his jeans. Deep brown eyes, shining with unshed tears stared back at Hammond as he realised with surprise that he’d seen this child before. The General turned and issued orders to the marines to place the boy under guard and escort him from the storeroom to the infirmary.

As it suddenly dawned on the General how he knew this lad he hurried to the phone. He spoke with a puzzled Doctor Fraiser, explaining exactly what he needed to know, then he phoned the security gate and left a message for SG1 to join him in the briefing room as soon as they arrived. Replacing the phone he headed for his office with only one thought running through his mind.

 Today was going to be hell.

#####

Jack was in a jubilant mood as he left the lift. He knew that he was wearing a stupid grin, but he couldn’t help it and he just didn’t care. Not today. Today life was good. No - today life was better than good. It was great. His mind was replaying the events of the night that he had just spent with Janet. He was truly happy. They’d been together for exactly two years yesterday and God it certainly had been a great couple of years. It had been awkward to start with; he’d had to work hard to get Janet to trust in his love for her. To make her see that he wanted her and not Sam. Christ, half the base thought he and Sam were an item. But he had managed to convince Janet that she was the only one for him. Things were good now, no – they were better than good. Perfect, yeah perfect,  that was the word. Things didn’t get much better than this. Janet was his now and he wasn’t gonna lose her as he had lost Sara. This was it for him. There’d never be anyone else and he didn’t intend to waste this final chance at happiness.

Jack entered the briefing room, the broad grin slipping away as he looked around at the grim faces of General Hammond and the rest of his team seated at the table waiting for him. All eyes were focused on him.

“What?”

“Sit down please, Colonel.”

Hammond sighed as he began telling Jack about the unexpected visitor that had come through the mirror earlier that morning. Jack couldn’t understand what it was with all the long faces and the sly glances in his direction.

It wasn’t the first time that they’d had a visitor through the mirror and it probably wouldn’t be the last.

 Hell - they should be used to it by now.

He watched the video with a certain sense of apathy, seeing the body hurtle through the mirror and wincing in sympathy as it landed in a heap on the floor in the middle of the storeroom. As the body picked itself up Jack realised it was a kid of about twelve with straw coloured hair, just like Charlie’s, wearing jeans and a pale blue t-shirt. A boy, Hammond had said. So okay this was the first kid to come through the mirror, but that didn’t explain the sideways looks he was getting from his team.  Then as the marines stormed into the storeroom, the boy turned to face the camera.

Jack froze.

“Oh my god…Charlie”

Jack leant forward in his seat, unaware that he had moved, drawn to the boy on the screen before him, the room around him receding into the background, forgotten in his pain. Feelings of shock and grief flowed through him, feelings that were plainly etched on his features for all in the room to see. His emotions were in turmoil.

Unwanted sounds flooded his mind.

Images filled his head.

 Scenes he didn’t want or need. Not now, not here. He found that he was powerless to stop them. They engulfed him with their speed and intensity, immersing him in torturous memories, and leaving him with feelings of desolation and despair.

***

The sound of the gun shot echoed through his head as utter fear and panic flowed through him - just as it had on that day so long ago.

He knelt on Charlie’s bedroom floor, his son’s blood soaked body cradled in his arms. He held it against his chest as they waited for the Paramedics to arrive. He watched the light in Charlie’s eyes fading with each passing minute as his life slipped slowly away.

The hospital. Standing silently beside Sara, shirt, trousers and hands covered in blood. So much blood - all of it Charlie’s. Watching and silently praying for a miracle as the doctors worked to save the lifeless body of his child. Sara crying softly beside him, knowing she needed him but finding that he was completely unable to offer her any comfort.

The funeral. The small white box, with the shiny brass handles and plaque, where Charlie lay, cold and alone. The coffin being lowered slowly and carefully into the dark dank hole in the ground. A small teddy bear wreath sat on top, placed lovingly by a mother for her beloved son. Waiting to be covered in dirt and buried along with Charlie.

***

Jack sank back against his chair, head bowed, his whole body trembling as he fought to get control of his emotions.

#####

Daniel stared intently at Jack as he watched the video footage, seeing the agony cross his friend’s face as he realised just who he was seeing. He saw the emotions passing one by one. Sorrow and pain, fear and anger, guilt and despair all chased one another across his friend’s features. Jack’s deep brown eyes shined with unshed tears. Daniel could see the immense pain radiating from those eyes as Jack realised something that those who had already seen the tape had known already – that this Charlie hadn’t killed himself. That he hadn’t shot himself with his father’s gun. That he was very much alive two and a half years after the event that had devastated Jack and changed his life forever.

Daniel made a mental note to find his friend later and try to get him to talk. No easy task with Jack O’Neill, but he’d always been there for Daniel and now it was his turn to be there for Jack. Besides - Jack was his best friend and he was going to need his friends to help him through this. Whether he liked it or not.

#####

As Janet entered the briefing room her attention immediately focused on Jack. She could see that he was trembling and that his breathing was faster than it should be. Coming to stand at his side she placed her hand softly on his shoulder and gave it a gently squeeze.

“Are you okay, Colonel?”

Getting no reply she moved to kneel in front of him, taking his hands in hers and looking up into his face. The utter misery dulling his eyes as he stared back at her almost broke her heart and it took all her strength to hold back her own tears.

“Jack…are you okay?”

Jack nodded slowly as he fought to regain control of his emotions - burying them deep inside. He didn’t need his team seeing him like this.

#####

Hammond hated seeing his 2IC like this - hated causing him all this pain, but there was nothing he could do to prevent it. The boy was here, now and the situation had to be sorted out. He knew that he could count on the Colonel to do his job, but he also knew what it would cost him. The General tore his gaze from Jack and cleared his throat.

“Do you have the results of the tests I asked for Doctor?

Janet stood up, facing the General, but not letting go of Jacks hand.

“Yes, Sir…I have.”

Janet looked back at Jack before taking a deep breath and continuing.

“The tests confirm what you suspected. The boy is Charlie O’Neill…”

Without looking at him, she could feel Jack tense at her words.

“…the blood on his t-shirt is that of Sara O’Neill.”

Jack pulled his hands from hers and scrubbed them across his face.

“How is he?” asked Hammond

“Physically, Sir he’s fine. He sustained a small bump to the back of his head - nothing to worry about - but emotionally is another matter. He’s very quiet. Scared and confused. He won’t talk to anyone other than to confirm his name and I’ve been unable to find out what happened to his mother…I was thinking maybe a familiar face might be all he needs to open up…”

Janet glanced at Jack, as his head shot up, her unspoken words ringing in his ears.

“Thank you Doctor. Colonel, perhaps you should take the doctor with you when you see him. Report back to me when you’re done.”

Jack fought to control his emotions and lost. Slowly shaking his head, he turned his gaze on the General.

“I can’t do this Sir…I’m sorry, I just can’t do this - not again.”

Before anyone could respond, Jack pushed himself out of the chair and bolted from the room.

#####

Jack sat at his desk, head resting in his hands. It was going to be a very long day and he’d only been here two hours. God, it felt like he’d been here a week. He felt drained, wrung out from too much emotion. God, life had been so perfect when he’d left home this morning. He’d been so happy. Funny how fast things can change. His relationship with Jan was going great - they’d been through some rough times - times when he’d nearly lost her, but they’d got through them and now they were stronger together than apart.

 Now this.

Danny had saved his life on their first mission back on Abydos and then Janet had given him a reason to live, a reason to come home. Charlie was always here in his heart and mostly the memories were good now. Hadn’t always been but he guessed Jan had a lot to do with the change. Now everything was being threatened. Now this Charlie had turned up bringing all the bad memories back along with him. Jack honestly didn’t know if he could do this anymore or if he even wanted to.

Maybe it was time to retire.

Jack was pulled from his thoughts by a knock at his door quickly followed by the appearance of Janet in front of his desk.

“How you doing Jack?”

“I’m fine,”

“Yeah right…this is me you’re talking to now…I know you and you’re far from fine.”

“Look, Janet I’m okay” Jack sighed, getting up and running a hand through his hair.

“So you’re telling me Charlie turning up has had no effect on you what so ever?”

“No…what I’m saying is that I can deal with it.”

“Can you Jack?” she paused, “I know how hard it was for you last time.”

“Anyway, that boy wasn’t Charlie, he just looked like him.

“But this is your son Jack.”

He looked up and glared at her.

“NO…he’s not. My son is dead, Janet…has been for nearly three years.”

Janet rested her hand on Jack’s arm as he spoke, only to have it shrugged off.

She tried to reason with him.

“He may not be from this universe but he’s still your son and he needs you.”

“WELL HE CAN’T HAVE ME. I can’t be there for him. I can’t be his dad and then just watch him walk away…I just can’t.”

“You have to Jack. He’s twelve, scared, alone and you’re all he knows. You have to be there for him. You can’t turn your back on him. You’re all he’s got.”

“I don’t care. He’s not my responsibility…I don’t need this. I didn’t ask for this.

“Nor did he, Jack.”

Jack looked at Janet tears shining in his eyes, despair in his voice.

“I can’t do this Janet…I just can’t.”

“You can…I know you’re scared…you don’t have to do this alone…we can do it together.” Her voice became nothing more than a caressing whisper as she continued. “I’m not going anywhere Jack.”

Janet caressed Jack’s cheek, smiling as he leaned into her touch, before capturing his lips with her own. Jack’s arms snaked around her waist as he pulled her against him, deepening the kiss and feeling his passion grow as he parted his lips, groaning as Janet’s tongue slid through to dual with his own. Forced to break apart to answer the ringing phone, Jack gasped for air.

“Colonel O’Neill.”

“Sir, it’s nurse Roberts here. We need Doctor Fraiser in the infirmary, Sir. It’s Charlie. He’s becoming quite distressed.”

“We’re on our way.”

Jack replaced the phone and looked at Janet.

“We’re needed in the infirmary…its Charlie.”

#####

When the Colonel and Doctor Fraiser reached in the infirmary Nurse Roberts informed them that Charlie had settled down again, after he was given a room of his own. They quickly hurried to the room in which he was being held.

Charlie was standing stock still in the centre of the room, hands shoved deep into the pockets of the slightly large BDUs that he had been given, staring intently down at his trainers. He slowly raised his head to look at Jack as he entered the room closely followed by Janet. At the sight of the Colonel fear flooded the boy’s features and confusion clouded his deep brown eyes. The colour drained from his face, leaving him as white as a sheet. He slowly began to shake his head while backing away from the advancing man.

“No…no it’s not you…it’s not…it’s a trick…this isn’t real.”

The boy’s back was now pressed tightly against the wall; he had nowhere left to go, tears sliding down his face as he looked defiantly at Jack.

Jack stopped a few feet away from him, shocked by the boy’s reaction to him. He wondered what the hell he’d done to Charlie in the AU to cause this kind of response. As he moved to stand in front of Charlie, the boy cried out, frantically looking for a means of escape, seemingly desperate to be away from this man. Jack began to reach out his hand to comfort him but let it fall to his side, his heart breaking as Charlie flinched away from him.

“NO…leave me alone…it’s not you…you’re not real…you can’t be…you’re dead…I killed you…”

Realisation hit Jack like a ton of bricks; Charlie had shot his father not himself in his world. The sight of the distressed boy was too much for him. Without thinking he reached out and grabbed him. Wrapping his arms around Charlie he pulled him tightly to his chest. The boy struggled trying to break free of his arms, trying to get away but Jack tightened his hold, refusing to let go. Finally Charlie sagged against him and Jack relaxed his hold slightly. He began to slowly rock back and forth as Charlie’s hot tears soaked into his shirt, his hand gently rubbing up and down his son’s back as he kissed the top of his head.

“It’s okay…I’m here…I’m real…shh…I love you Charlie…shhh…”

Janet had watched everything in silence from the door of the room.

Now that Charlie had calmed down Janet decided she was no longer needed. She quietly left closing the door behind her, giving father and son, all be it from AUs some privacy to sort out their feelings and get reacquainted. Today had been hard on them both, but it had been nothing compared to the torment that they had both had to cope with for the last two and a half years or so.

#####

Jack slumped back in his chair, feet crossed on the desk, coffee mug in his hands. It had been an extremely long day. He’d left Charlie asleep in the infirmary under Janet’s watchful eye, not wanting to spend anymore time with him than was necessary. He knew that it was gonna hurt enough now when they sent him back, no need to make it any worse.

The phone rang, making Jack jump, his coffee sloshing over the edge of the mug. Damn, good job it was cold. Jack reached for the phone slapping it to his ear.

“O’Neill.”

“Jack, it’s Janet. Can you come down to the infirmary. Charlie woke and  reacted badly when he saw that you weren’t there. He needs you.”

Jack thought for a second, scrubbing a hand through his grey hair, before taking a deep breath. Charlie needed him.

“I’m on my way.”

#####

Jack entered the infirmary and headed for Charlie’s room. As he entered he spotted Charlie squatting in the corner; arms wrapped round his knees his head resting face down upon them. Tears sprang up in Jacks eyes at the pain evident in his boy’s body language.  He walked over and stopped in front of him. Charlie didn’t move. Didn’t even look up.

“Charlie.”

At the sound of Jack’s voice he slowly raised his head.

“D…dad…it’s you…I thought it was a dream.”

Jack knelt down beside him, placing a hand on the back of his head.

“I’m here.”

“I…I was scared…I thought you were gone again…I …I…”

Charlie’s body shook violently and tears streamed down his face as he was no longer able to hold his emotions in check. Jack grabbed the trembling figure, pulling him onto his lap, holding him tightly as he sobbed, the sight of his son’s pain tearing at his heart.

“It’s ok Charlie…don’t cry…I’m here…I’m here, son…shhh…”

Jack closed his eyes as his own tears rolled silently down his cheeks as he cradled his son. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and opened his eyes to find himself staring up at Janet’s sweet smile. Jack was glad that she was there. He certainly could do with her help right now. Janet had been right. No matter what happened he couldn’t give up on Charlie. He was his son and it didn’t matter which universe he came from. He loved him more than life itself. Jack listened to Charlie’s slow even breaths and realised that the two people that meant the most to him were both right here. Maybe it was time to start behaving like a family.

“Hey, Charlie…you okay?”

Charlie nodded, looked up and smiled up at his father. Jack’s heart almost stopped. He hadn’t seen that smile for so long. God, he’d missed that smile so much. He felt himself smile back, a blinding smile that had only ever been for two people, Charlie being one and Janet being the other. Reaching up he grabbed Janet’s hand, holding it tightly as he turned and placed a soft kiss on her wrist. God, he was so glad she was here.

“Hey, Charlie…I think you should get some sleep, son. I’ll come back for you in the morning and we can go get some breakfast together. Ok?”

 Charlie beamed at his father as he climbed back in bed and snuggled under the covers, wriggling about until he was comfortable. With a contented sigh, he closed his eyes. Jack ruffled his hair before following Janet out of the room

#####

Father and son walked quietly down the corridor making their way to the commissary for breakfast.

Jack noticed that Teal’c was walking a little ahead of them and was about to call out to his teammate when suddenly Charlie shot forward charging at the big man, his fists pummelling on the surprised jaffa’s chest and his screams echoing through the corridors. Jack grabbed him, pulling him away. The boy wriggled and squirmed, finally breaking free of his dad’s grip. Surging forward he lashed out with his fists and feet, landing a swift hard kick to Teal’c’s shin before Jack managed to restrain him once again.  Charlie thrashed about, desperate to be free, as he yelled at this huge man standing before him, pain and hate evident in his voice.

“YOU MURDERING BASTARD!”

“Hey, watch your mouth!” gasped Jack, fighting to keep his hold on the boy and shocked at Charlie’s language. His son had never used language like that, at least not that he was aware.

“It was you…I saw you…YOU KILLED HER YOU BASTARD…it was you…”

“Teal’c, get outta here!”  Jack yelled, still fighting to keep his grip on a struggling twelve year old with way too much anger and no where near enough fear.

As Teal’c hurried away Jack turned his attention to calming a still writhing Charlie.

“Charlie, quit it will you, he’s gone…calm down.

Letting go of his son, he turned him around so that they were face to face.

“Do you want to tell me what the hell just happened here?”

He hadn’t meant to yell but he was angry and confused by Charlie’s behaviour.

Charlie stood in front of him, head hung, not moving, not making a sound apart from harsh quick breaths, shoulders slumped in despair. Jack ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He had no idea how to proceed. Didn’t know how to react. He was out of practice. Two and a half years was a long time. Suddenly, Charlie threw himself at Jack burying his head against his father’s chest, his tears in full flow. Without hesitation Jack hugged him tightly, his arms coming to rest, one on the back of his head, the other running soothingly up and down the boy’s back. All his anger now gone, replaced by utter despair, Charlie sobbed. Jack felt his heart shatter at his son’s desolation.

“I…it was him…dad…h…he did it…”

“What, Charlie…what did he do?”

Jack wasn’t sure he really wanted to know.

“He…he killedher…I watched him do it…she was standing right next to me…I didn’t help her…he used h…his staff weapon…”

Charlie sniffed, gulping in a huge breath before continuing. Jack waited stunned.

“We were trying to get away…she just wanted to save me and he killed her…just shot her right in front of me…I…I should have stopped him…but I didn’t…he couldn’t touch me…I had been chosen…”

“Chosen for what, Charlie?”

Jack felt his blood freeze in his veins as he asked the question to which he already knew the answer.

“To be a host…that’s why he killed her…so she couldn’t take me away…mum’s dead…and it’s my fault…”

“Oh Christ, Charlie, I’m sorry…its okay, son…it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have stopped him. There was nothing you could have done…nothing…shhh its okay…”

Even as Jack spoke the words of comfort to his son, he knew they would make no difference.

#####

Jack sat on the edge of his bed, watching Charlie sleep in the bed he’d had moved into his quarters. It had taken his son some time to settle and finally fall asleep, even though he was exhausted. It was as if he was afraid to close his eyes in case his father disappeared before he opened them again.

Jack thought over what Charlie had been through. The last year had been hard on him. In his universe Apophis had taken control of Earth and now the gate was under Jaffa control. Apparently Sara and Charlie had been rounded up along with several others and taken to the mountain about six months ago to serve the Jaffa. All military personnel were gone from the base - presumably dead. During her service with Apophis Sara had learned of the mirror and how it worked. Charlie didn’t know how she had found out. When Charlie had been chosen she’d decided to find an AU for them, but her plan hadn’t included the Jaffa turning up when they had. It seems Teal’c was still working for Apophis in their universe and had shot Sara in the chest, which explained Charlie’s little outburst. As she fell Sara had knocked Charlie flying, the momentum sending him hurtling through the mirror. She had succeeded in saving her boy. Something Sara or I could not do here.

It made Jack sick to his stomach to think of Charlie with a snake in his head. As hard as he’d tried to stay detached from this boy, it was proving to be impossible not to get close to the kid.

#####

Jack woke suddenly, to the sounds of Charlie’s cries.

“No…I’m sorry…no stay…”

He was thrashing restlessly around the bed, legs tangling with the sheet, a sheen of sweat across his distressed face as he was gripped in some hellish nightmare.

“NO….DAD…please don’t leave me…”

Jack was quickly beside Charlie’s bed, hand soothingly brushing his hair back from his face as he spoke.

“Charlie, wake up.”

The boy continued to writhe. Jack sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed the boy’s shoulders, shaking him lightly.

“Charlie!”

As the boy’s eyes flew open, revealing the pain and fear within him, Jack pulled him into a hug, his heart breaking at what this child had been through.

“It’s okay…just a dream…you’re safe…I’m here…”

As Charlie relaxed Jack pulled back to look at his tear stained face. He wished, not for the first time, that he could take away all this boy’s pain and give him back his childhood. His innocence. Sighing at the injustice of life he asked gently.

“Ya wanna talk about it, son?”

It felt strange using that word but also right somehow.

Charlie slowly shook his head, little tremors still running through him. Jack pulled him back against his chest, hugging him tightly and kissing the top of his head.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me, but I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk, son.”

They stayed like that for several minutes. As Jack was about to suggest that he tried to get some sleep Charlie began to speak, the words falling slowly from him, so quiet that Jack had to strain to hear.

“I was dreaming of the afternoon when I killed you. I was waiting for you, we were going to baseball. I was messing around with your gun. I know I shouldn’t have. You called me as you came into the room and as I turned round the gun went off. You fell to the floor clutching your chest. The blood…it was everywhere. I was so scared…” sighing, he continued, “…mum heard the shot and came running. She told me to talk to you…to keep you awake while she phoned for help. I didn’t know what to say so I told you I was sorry and you said it wasn’t my fault…but it was. You said you loved me and that it would be okay. You lied to me. You died. It was my fault…”

Jack hugged him closer, rocking back and forth, trying to comfort him as best he could as his son cried silently against his chest. Hot tears soaked the front of his t-shirt. God, he knew exactly how Charlie felt; he too had carried around the guilt for his own Charlie’s death. Knowing his words wouldn’t help, but knowing that he had to say them for his sake as much as Charlie’s he said,

“Shh, harlie, it’s okay…it wasn’t your fault. It was an accident…an awful accident…that’s all. You are not to blame.”

As Charlie’s tears stopped, Jack pulled back to look at him, his hand coming up to caress the boys face.

“You okay?”

Charlie nodded; utter misery shining in his dark brown eyes as he looked pleadingly at Jack.

“Don’t ever leave me…please.”

Pulling him into another hug, his emotions in turmoil he said, “I’m here…I’m not going anywhere…I promise.”

As tears filled his eyes, threatening to fall, Jack had no idea how he was going to keep this promise, but he sure as hell wasn’t letting Charlie go back. Not now. He couldn’t.