Title: Nobody But Me Author: OsarisAnhur Email: osarisanhur@tiscali.co.uk Status: complete Category: Hurt Pairings: J/J Spoilers: none Season: any Sequel/Series Info: none Rating: pg Content Warnings: none Summary: Sadness and depression. Jacks thoughts and pain. Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 and its characters are the property of MGM,World Gekko Corp. and Double Secret Productions. No infringements of vopyrights or trademarks were intended. This fan fiction was written for the sole purpose of entertainment and no money was made from it. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author. File Size: 32kb Archive: Incoming Wormhole, Abydos Gate J/J, Jackfic, anyone else just let me know. Author’s Note: A really big thank you to my two beta’s Amanda and Susan for all their help. Thanks guys. Feedback: would be appreciated.
Nobody but me. by Osarisanhur
The 3rd October, a day forever imprinted on his brain. A day he wished he could wipe from his mind. A day he wished had never happened. A day he could never ever forget. He walked in silence to where he needed to be and sat down on the damp grass all alone. The night was dark and bitterly cold. But he didn’t care. His hand rested almost lovingly on the ground beside him to his left; his fingers caressing the short well-kept grass. Tears silently falling from pain filled eyes as his mind spiralled down into the depths of his despair. < I’m sitting here in the total darkness of the night, my heart shattered in a million pieces, never to be whole again. I’m silently crying out to you, begging you to please come home. I want you back beside me where you belong. But I know that will never happen. My heart calls out to yours but there’s no longer any reply. You’re out of reach – to me. I sit here talking to you but it’s not the same. Not the same as being able to touch you, hold you, take you in my arms and love you. I keep thinking about the love we had. I remember how it used to be for us. There was never anything but love in your eyes whenever you looked at me. I was mesmerized by the smile that lit up your eyes. GOD! I loved you from the start. And now? Now my nights are lonely and days are filled with sorrow. There are no words that could ever describe how much I miss you. And I miss you every single day. I’m waiting for a sign that I know you just can’t give me. You were always there when I needed you. I need you now. But you’re not here. I’ve died inside and nobody knows it but me. I close my eyes and dream you are here with me tonight. Every night. You reach out and touch me, you hold me the way you always used to do. I taste your sweet kiss upon my lips and feel the softness of your warm skin beneath my fingers. And I wake each morning to the pain of losing you all over again. You’re gone. You’re never coming back to me. We had it all; we had everything, you and I. But now it’s gone. Lost forever. But that’ll never change the way I feel. I lay upon our bed every night, my arms wrapped tightly around your pillow. It should be you I’m holding, your head resting against my chest as my fingers stroke lightly through your hair. Your hot breath whispering against my bare skin as you sleep. They tell me I should move on - that I should get on with my life. But I can’t get you out of my heart and I don’t want to. I love you. I always will. I was taught to fight, taught to win. To always find a way to survive. Now I have nothing to fight for although you gave me a reason to survive. I lost all of me when I lost you. Everywhere I look something reminds me of the good times we had and how much I have lost. Too much I’m listening to the sound of my own tears once again and I’m no longer in control of my emotions. Something I bet you never thought would happen. CHRIST! I’m falling apart but nobody knows it except me. You made me promise to live out my life without you. You knew I could never deny you anything. Despite all my pain, I won’t go back on my word. OH GOD! It was so senseless. Such a waste. How the hell could this happen in today’s modern world of medicine? Just one of those things they told me. Nothing they could do. They were so very sorry but… and there ended my life. 3rd October 2002. You left me with a precious gift and it was because of him that I didn’t follow you. He needs me and I know, however long it takes, you’ll be waiting for me. > Jack pulled the photograph carefully from his jacket pocket. His finger running caressingly across the picture as he placed it gently on the ground beside him. Deep brown eyes stared up at him from the smiling face of the dark haired baby boy, who was sat behind the birthday cake with the single flickering candle upon it. Jack stood up and ran his hand lovingly over the words carved into the headstone before him. Janet Fraiser-O’Neill
Slowly he turned and walked away in silence. The night was dark and bitterly cold. But he didn’t care. |